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Realizing I'm Aro while in a relationship


Dorian
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So I've been dating this person for almost a year, and have slowly come to the realization I am aromantic. I have never felt any romantic attraction, and at first I thought it was because I'm asexual. I don't know how to tell this person, as they are very romantic and probably would think I've been lying to them about my romantic orientation, even though I've only just realized. Tips on coming out to them?

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How do you feel about your relationship now that you realize your orientation? Are you happy with the way it is or would you like to change things? Do you think your partner is happy with how things are now. If your both content then I don't see that you being aromantic would make much difference. You still want the same thing. 

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I don't think they'll think that you were 'lying' to them. Do they know that you're ace? Maybe approach the topic like: 'I've been doing a lot of thinking and self-exploration lately, and I think that I'm aromantic.' Emphasize that it doesn't change the way you feel about them as a friend or as a person (and if you like the way things have been going in this relationship), say that you're happy with how things are. If they ask what your needs are as an aromantic person in the relationship, make sure you state your needs clearly (and reiterate as needed). 

 

Not gonna lie, I suspect that coming out to them will cause a shift in your dynamic and relationship, as their needs should also be considered. As a very romantic person, do they 'need' someone to reciprocate that romantic attraction? Or are they happy with being in an emotionally close platonic relationship? How will this work in the long-term (if either of you are thinking that way), is polyamoury a possibility to ensure that everyone's needs are met? Just some things to consider. :)

 

I was in a relationship for 2+ years with a very romantic person, and when I came out to him as aromantic months after we broke up, our whole relationship made more sense to him, and he was able to move on (without the regrets or feeling like he was the only reason I ended it).  Hopefully by coming out to them, the relationship or 'quirks' might make more sense to them, especially if you have had any romo/aro-type conflicts in the past. 

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Thank you both for your answers. I did end up telling them, but both of us are kind of unsure where to go as I really do enjoy being in a relationship with them, but they don't believe it's a relationship without romance. I feel like the world's biggest jerk, but I also know I can't control my romantic orientation. Anyway, long story short, thank you for the advice!

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