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Could someone help me write my history essay?


lollipop
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Hi guys! Please help me, I suck at writing papers and this one is big for deciding my grade in history. I'm suppose to be proving that the war of 1812 was significant with arguable thesis and topic sentences. Any editing help is really really really appreciated! Thanks guys, here it is:

 

Every American knows about the American revolution and its significance. Many Americans forget about the next war in American history, the War of 1812. The War of 1812 might have have less fame and publicity, but it was also very significant in the history of this country.  The actions by the British, major American victories and losses, and nationalism born from the War of 1812 were significant in shaping the country America is today.

Britain’s actions were  significant in that they caused America to go to war, due to their impressment of American sailors, trade restrictions, and supplying natives with weapons to attack Americans. In the years leading up to the war, Britain began impressing American sailors into the British Navy.  This kidnapping of American sailors was a major insult to American pride. The significance of this was the first time Americans could claim pride in their country as a reason for war. Britain also inflicted harsh trade restrictions on American trade, cause much anger on this side of the ocean. These restrictions made American traders basically British colonial traders in terms rights, which significance was the lack of our hard won independence. The British also began supplying Native Americans with weapons. This sparked the high tension relation between Americans and natives into a whole new level of fighting. This was significant because the fighting with the natives and the British let the Americans deal with two threats to their ideas of expanding Westward.

The War of 1812 included the burning of Washington, the battle of Baltimore, and the battle of New Orleans, all of which were significant in inspiring American soldiers to push for victory in the war. The burning of Washington was a victory for the British, but still very important in American history. The incident was significant in establishing Dolly Madison as a brave heroin figure of the war. She protected the portrait of George Washington to preserve our history for future generations. It also allowed for the rebuilding of a grander capital for America. The battle at Baltimore was a decisive American victory and was a significant factor in how the final draft of the Treaty of Ghent looked. The British planned on using their victory at Baltimore to force the United States to give up land for them to recolonize. The American’s surprising victory ruined this plans and resulted in the borders stubbornly staying where there were. The battle of New Orleans also was an eminently significant event in the War of 1812. Though this battle happened after the Treaty of Ghent was signed, it still had a huge impact on the new country. General Andrew Jackson lead his troops to victory, and thrust him along his career path to becoming president. The victory also helped give politics a one party unity as the Federalists were trying to get out of the nation at the convention when such a great American victory was being celebrated. This made then seem unpatriotic and thus they died out. The battle of New Orleans can be thanked for the following political unity in the country.

The War of 1812 was significant because there would not have been the same amount of nationalism, westward expansion success, and our positive relationship with Britain was formed. The end of the war ushered in an era of good feelings. This was a time of rising patriotic feelings and stability for America. This time was significant for American prosperity and culture to begin growing. Another impact of the war was that the Native Americans had lost and were moved to reservations. This was extremely significant as settlers could now spread west and pursue land of their own. It was essential to westward expansion. Another result of the War of 1812 was America’s standing in Europe. Countries finally recognised America as a full fledged country. This had much significant for it lead to the great trade and war partnership between Britain and America that benefited both countries.

The British actions, major American victories and losses, and nationalism born from the War of 1812 was significant in shaping the country America is today. Though often overlooked in American history, the effects of the War of 1812 are still significant today. If the war had not happened, there might be a Native American state in place of the western states we have today. Without the war we might still have Federalists as a political party, and Andrew Jackson might never have become president. The War of 1812 was significant in that it changed not only how the world looked at America, but how Americans looked at their own country.

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2 hours ago, lollipop said:

Every American knows about the American revolution and its significance. Many Americans forget about the next war in American history, the War of 1812. The War of 1812 might have have less fame and publicity, but it was also very significant in the history of this country.

I would re-order / re-arrange these sentences so that the repetition of the stuff in red is not right next to one another. Maybe make the opening sentence something along the lines of a basic summary of your point like: The War of 1812 is an important conflict in the history of American conflicts. 

Then you can continue the rest without the red doubling. 

2 hours ago, lollipop said:

Britain’s actions were  significant in that they caused America to go to war

You already mention actions in the previous sentence, so it it understood that whatever the British did was an action. You can cut out the word 'action' and rephrase the sentence to make sense. If you want to you could make it more specific than 'Britain', mentioning the British army/admiralty or the British government or the British Prime minister/Royals. 

 

2 hours ago, lollipop said:

trade restrictions, and supplying natives with weapons to attack Americans

I would change this, in anthropology circles it is seen as a bad use of terms which is very frowned on now days. Native tribes, Indigenous warriors, Indigenous people, First Nations. < any of these that fit. Later on you say 'Native Americans' in a very short sentence. 

2 hours ago, lollipop said:

The British also began supplying Native Americans with weapons

You could shine up this part by using the actual tribe names of at least some of those involved in the conflict. Which tribes? were there any clearly named warriors taking part in the conflict? (I do remember watching a documentary about it so I know the information is out there somewhere and there was at least 1 well known and remembered warrior who took part)

 

2 hours ago, lollipop said:

Britain also inflicted harsh trade restrictions on American trade, cause much anger on this side of the ocean.

okay, you either need an added 'which' and 'caused' or make it 'causing' 

You could also name the ocean. I think 'the Atlantic' is nicer simply because America has two major oceans.

2 hours ago, lollipop said:

Dolly Madison as a brave heroin figure of the war.

I believe you mean Heroine, meaning valiant female, rather than Heroin, the drug. 

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2 hours ago, lollipop said:

It also allowed for the rebuilding of a grander capital for America

Instead of saying 'It' to refer back to your previous mention of the burning you have the opportunity to re-describe the event, it just gives a bit more punch to the text and lets the marker's mind relax a bit more in not having to think back at what 'it' is. Terrible destruction. Charred ruins. Burnt rubble. Plenty of good descriptors with feeling are out there!

 

2 hours ago, lollipop said:

This made then seem unpatriotic and thus they died out.

did they actually die out? like they took their views to their graves? maybe another phrase would serve you better. Lost favour. Dwindled. Support diminished.

 

2 hours ago, lollipop said:

The end of the war ushered in an era of good feelings. This was a time of rising patriotic feelings and stability for America. This time was significant for American prosperity and culture to begin growing. Another impact of the war was that the Native Americans had lost and were moved to reservations.

Well obviously not good feeling, patriotism or prosperity for ALL Americans. But then does the school system expect you to automatically make the distinction between 'America' and 'Native Americans' ~ personally where you say America I would change it to American settlers, immigrant America or something like that but then it is the culture here to call that sort of progression in my own country 'white settlers' or 'convict settlers'. 

 

 

I hope I helped a bit. I don't know what your proforma is (what the teacher is looking for) so this is just general stuff, though I have been told I tend to make things too long and some teachers don't like all the extra stuff I tend to stuff into my work ~ but then you can argue with them (or their boss :evilgrin:) if all your work meets the proforma and it is factually correct and not plagiarised. 

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  • 2 months later...

The treaty of Ghent never addessed the impressed sailors from American ships, which was reputedly the cause if the war.

From my British viewpoint, most of the sailors were from British ships. American ships paid more, so a number of British sailors absconded, the boardings were to reclaim them.

Also, with Britain at war with Napoleon the military forces were fully committed.

The only forces were a few regular regiments and trained militia, as well as most of the native Americans under Tecumsa, the only obstacles were the terrain. So a possibility of a land grab was in the offing. Though many American States were neutral, prefering to trade than destructive war. When the Peninsular War was over, the entire well trained and experienced British Army and Navy turned to Canada. The war would probably have been won by Britain with these new forces.

This is not meant as a detailed analysis, just a few points not covered in your paper.

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