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somebody once told me-


hawkeye
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-i was going to start this with rick astley but then i realized i am, in fact, a stranger to love, and that would be lying. also rick rolling is probably not the first impression i want to be making. i just want people to think i'm cool and Hip with the Memes

 

hi, i'm eli and i like comic books and that's about it. i generally label myself as "queer aroace", which is basically a synonym for "confused". i recently discovered the concept of lithromanticism and that kind of sounds about right, but i haven't really adopted the term yet. definitely a subject i'd love to discuss here.

 

i'm not really a forum person -- i tried aven for a bit but never felt like i quite fit in (not a huge fan of the whole cake metaphor, tbqh, and definitely ran into some not-so-aro-friendly threads), so i'm really hoping that this smaller community with a larger emphasis on aromantic experiences will turn out better! looking forward to talking to you all and hoping i won't get too shy once i start actually posting :) 

 

(i couldn't find any rules or anything about use of the q-word; i know there are people who consider it to be a slur and i'll definitely stop using it if that's the forum's policy.)

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I'm sorry you didn't feel like you fit in on AVEN. Welcome to Arocalypse; I hope you feel at home in our community :)

Also it's perfectly fine to call yourself queer if you identify with it. Just as long as nobody uses it as a slur against others I doubt anybody will have a problem with the word.

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Welcome! (I think rickrolling gives a great first impression) Enjoy your time here! :icecream: AVEN definitely can be a lot more overwhelming as there's a lot of subforums and people, but as there's not so many people here/threads it's a lot easier to fit in, I found, so I'm sure you'll enjoy your time here :)

 

As far as I'm concerned using q- isn't against the rules so if you're using it to describe yourself it should be fine!

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thank you! as you can see, i ultimately went for all star/shrek as the first impression which i'm not sure was any better.

 

that definitely makes sense -- the last thing i want to do is upset anyone, and of course i'd never use it as a slur. sometimes i forget people don't use/interpret the word like i do, so it's more me trying to police myself than anything else. better safe than sorry :)

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Rickrolling is a wonderful first impression! My member title is "Sir Epic Dank Meme Lord," after all! I'm sorry you had trouble with AVEN, but so far, this site has been really friendly and accepting. I hope you are able to find what you are looking for here!

 

I don't think I've seen anyone have a problem if you self-identify as being queer, as long as you don't use it for someone else.

 

Welcome, and if you enjoy it, have some ice cream! :icecream:

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Greetings from a sleepy person who should be in bed!

We have an ice cream joke over here which, as I understand, is because of the cake thing at AVEN? But we mostly use is as an excuse to offer each other emoticon ice cream and joke around, so I hope you find it all right :) (Sorry for asking but I'm wondering why the cake thing on AVEN was a problem? You absolutely don't need to answer this question, it's just I've barely been on AVEN so I'm being rude and nosey)

 

Using the term queer the way you do is fine, don't worry. Hope you enjoy hanging out here with us, and I hope you think we're alright

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the cake thing and AVEN aren't directly related, it's more just how the cake thing has come to embody asexuality as a whole. it's more of a personal thing I suppose, but I'm not entirely comfortable with stereotypes that can make the asexual community seem inherently more childish than (allo)sexuals. I understand why people don't see it that way and it's all in good fun, but when it's omnipresent I feel a little uncomfortable. it is personal preference though. the ice cream seems fine -- it doesn't define aromanticism like the cake does, and I shouldn't get that upset about it, anyway.

 

people have told me I just stumbled upon a few bad threads at AVEN, but I just found a lot of unintentional arophobic sentiment -- people saying things like "it's not sex that makes people human, it's love" and just generally making blanket statements that all asexuals experience romantic attraction which I found frustrating. the cake is a nonissue compared to this, and at the end of the day I didn't feel comfortable enough to be posting. this definitely seems much better so far, though.

 

and since I'm pretty much always telling my best friend to go to sleep, I feel really compelled to tell you to do the same if you haven't yet :) 

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1 hour ago, hawkeye said:

the cake thing and AVEN aren't directly related, it's more just how the cake thing has come to embody asexuality as a whole. it's more of a personal thing I suppose, but I'm not entirely comfortable with stereotypes that can make the asexual community seem inherently more childish than (allo)sexuals. I understand why people don't see it that way and it's all in good fun, but when it's omnipresent I feel a little uncomfortable. it is personal preference though. the ice cream seems fine -- it doesn't define aromanticism like the cake does, and I shouldn't get that upset about it, anyway.

 

people have told me I just stumbled upon a few bad threads at AVEN, but I just found a lot of unintentional arophobic sentiment -- people saying things like "it's not sex that makes people human, it's love" and just generally making blanket statements that all asexuals experience romantic attraction which I found frustrating. the cake is a nonissue compared to this, and at the end of the day I didn't feel comfortable enough to be posting. this definitely seems much better so far, though.

 

and since I'm pretty much always telling my best friend to go to sleep, I feel really compelled to tell you to do the same if you haven't yet :) 

This is totally understandable. I have stumbled on a few bad threads here and there, and outside of AVEN, I have seen extremely bigoted stuff floating around. I don't think I've seen any nasty threads on here yet, because it's so small. I hope that you find this community to be more supportive than AVEN.

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5 hours ago, hawkeye said:

the cake thing and AVEN aren't directly related, it's more just how the cake thing has come to embody asexuality as a whole. it's more of a personal thing I suppose, but I'm not entirely comfortable with stereotypes that can make the asexual community seem inherently more childish than (allo)sexuals. I understand why people don't see it that way and it's all in good fun, but when it's omnipresent I feel a little uncomfortable. it is personal preference though. the ice cream seems fine -- it doesn't define aromanticism like the cake does, and I shouldn't get that upset about it, anyway.

 

people have told me I just stumbled upon a few bad threads at AVEN, but I just found a lot of unintentional arophobic sentiment -- people saying things like "it's not sex that makes people human, it's love" and just generally making blanket statements that all asexuals experience romantic attraction which I found frustrating. the cake is a nonissue compared to this, and at the end of the day I didn't feel comfortable enough to be posting. this definitely seems much better so far, though.

 

and since I'm pretty much always telling my best friend to go to sleep, I feel really compelled to tell you to do the same if you haven't yet :) 

The cake thing: Yeah, that does sound annoying. When I saw people talking about the ice cream thing I did wonder why it was 'important', and if  it had become an embodiment of the community I would of also been uncomfortable.

 

I hate those 'X makes you human' statements even if the don't come in the arophobic flavour >:( Just no, nothing 'makes' us human, we are human; there's no entry requirement. It sounds like something from a cheesy bit of fiction. I hope we don't get any arophobia, or we're doing it wrong, and I don't think you'll experience the flipside and see acephobia here (particularly as there a a lot of aroaces so far :) )

 

And thanks for the sleep comment. To be honest it doesn't help when I'm stuck not sleeping, but it's still nice to hear :D:icecream:

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Firstly welcome! I really hope your experience here will be better than your experience with AVEN. Sadly things like that happen on bigger forums and I hope that when this site grows, we wont have as much arophobia and acephobia and that those that we get can be well handled by admods. But we'll see about that in the future :)
About that comment about how love supposedly makes us human, I would've never thought about that as arophobic... I mean I don't even know what that person meant. They could just talk about love in general not specifically romantic love and just because I'm aro it doesn't mean I can't love people in a non-romantic way. But yeah I get what you were trying to say and I understand your point. Let's just hope we will be able to keep arophobia and acephobia as low as possible on here.

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