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Understanding Aro and if I truly am Aro

Guest 23b0a...a81


Guest 23b0a...a81

Hi there! I'm pretty new to this forum and honestly this is pretty much the only place I'm aware of that could help me understand my confusion better.


I'll try to keep it short but basically all my life , throughout my adolescence and early adulthood , I dont think Ive ever felt romantic attraction. I've found the ocassional guy or girl attractive and have been ocassionally attracted on a physical level as well , but it never lasts for more than a couple of months. And even then , my very first somewhat romantic relationship when i was a teenager felt awkward at best as i realized that i didn't 'love' or 'like' this person any differently than i did my friends , i was simply attracted to how his face looked.


Throughout my college years as well , I've had a fair share of people expressing romantic attractions to me but I never reciprocated as I never thought of myself in a romantic relationship of any kind. I've been told that its because I haven't met enough people , or because I have ridiculously high standards. And most of the strong relationships I built were always platonic in nature (which more often than not ended up being romantic on their side :/) . I am fairly certain that I'm bi too , since I can feel physical attraction , but it's the emotional aspect that always eludes me.


So I guess bottomline is , am I wrong to believe that I am possibly Aro , or am I perhaps in that crossroads of life where I perhaps have not met the 'right' people?


Any insight on this would be very much appreciated. Thank you.



Anonymous poster hash: 23b0a...a81

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I definitely don't think you're wrong to wonder if you're aro! Not having any crushes either growing up or as a young adult was part of what made me consider if I might be aro too. And as someone who is pretty darn certain he is, I can say that "maybe you just have high standards" and "maybe you just haven't met the right person yet" were things I was told too- I spent years thinking I just had ridiculously high standards and that's why I wasn't interested in anyone. 


I can't and won't tell you how to identify, but I can assure you that there are a lot of people here who've had experiences like yours. Personally, I've always had strong friendships and no desire for romance, even though sometimes I've wished I wanted to people just so I'd feel less abnormal. It's okay to not know for sure whether you're aro or not; I still don't really know where on the aro spectrum I am. Take as long as you need to think about it, and know you have a place here for as long as you want to be here.

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You have been through the education system, think about how many people you met and interacted with. Clubs based on shared interests, random conversations at parties, classmates, project groups, foreign language speech partners, conversations with people waiting around, and anything else you can think of. I have had thousands of interactions, casual or deep, fleeting or extended over years, yet other people still claim I have 'not met enough people yet'. Those people who say this generally mean well but come from a place of no understanding that other people could feel differently than them. 

As for the high standards thing, I was accused of this all through high school. Then one day I sat down and listed my hypothetical relationship deal-breakers, not the dream perfect partner, rather the hurdles they would have to pass to be considered. I asked my friends later to do the same and my list was very similar to the less picky of my friends. My standards weren't high they just never applied! 


You aren't wrong to think you are aro. There is a certain fluidity to romantic and sexual orientations, especially when you are younger and still discovering much about how you interact with the world. There is the (mighty slim) possibility that I will romantically attach to someone in the future, but I haven't felt any sort of drive or inkling yet so I identify happily as aro, and this is what it is all about choosing, or not, a label that you are happy to identify with, to tell other people or yourself about a certain part of you. 

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