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need better info on demi and me.


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I settled on "demi" when I had only identified 3 crushes... but then later I realized I had had a 4th actually, in the past. and then developed a 5th. and am now wondering if a 6th is forming on someone but I'm not sure yet. and I realized, there might be someone from my early years, but I Can't be sure 'cause no good memory of it..

 

so does having too frequent crushes make me more grey than demi?

 

the other thing is.. *remembers* that the thing is with the feeling of romance when no crushing. no attraction - but like. I'lll... emotionally connect with romantic songs. .. like not to feel as if they describe me but it's more than just appreciating them. like most of my iconic fav. songs are quite romantic. everlong by foo fighters? tides by xx? nineteen by tegan and sara? etc.

 

also, romance in the knowing of future, expectation. how to say? that I know I can be happy without romance. but, it's something I persist on holding as an expectation to likely, preferably happen, or so. that... I don't want or fantasize of a romantic relationship per se, but I thought it was just a belief I'd picked up but it remains instead. so it's some part of me wanting a romance in my future.

 

 

 

the third and last question is regarding quoiro. i am slightly quoi - it's so confusing trying to navigate friendships 'cause I'm just no confidence in what the difference between the friend and the romance is - as in, what the um.. the dynamic is. like, if they're clearly flirting with me that's one thing. but, if not... then I'm clueless if they have any hope towards romance, or if they only see me as a friend - like that they see me as a potential close friend. that sorta thing confuses me a ton. and the last thing about this tho - is that I know what it's like when I've got a crush, which is what I personally use to refer to strong romantic attraction. cause either I have that, or I am not feeling romantic attraction at all. it's hi or it's low, and the shortest it's been was 3 months and that was only once. the other crushes all didn't develop for over a year instead, one took a decade to form lol... which is why I said i was demi.. but it's why I'm not quite quoi....

 

 

so I mean. at least, I'm very comfortable with who and what I experience. but what is the most accurate way to identify it by? should I keep saying I am demy? I don't want to appropriate on that, cause I know too little about it.should I start saying I'm quoi instead, or maybe grey? any advice is appreciated.

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13 hours ago, cute kitty Meow! Mewo! said:

I'lll... emotionally connect with romantic songs. .. like not to feel as if they describe me but it's more than just appreciating them

Sure, I do this as well. Songs like Kate Bush's The Fog, Bjork's Unravel or Joni Mitchell's Case Of You are clearly dealing with romantic themes, but I can't help but get emotionally carried along by them cos they're such great songs (I have kind of a thing for female vocalists too, haha)

 

13 hours ago, cute kitty Meow! Mewo! said:

so I mean. at least, I'm very comfortable with who and what I experience. but what is the most accurate way to identify it by?

Well, um, you're you and you experience what you experience. That's it really. A label is never going to be able to remotely encapsulate that. You might find one that approximates (in a generic way) some key aspect of your personality and functions as a useful shorthand when trying to relate your experiences to other people's. But that's all it's ultimately going to accomplish, IMO. It's not going to explain why you are the way you are, or fully 'translate' your experiences, or anything like that.

 

Also. Romance is a super confusing/confused concept. For me at least. For most of the time I've been on this forum I just had a question mark on my profile besides 'romanticism'. So maybe you could just do that? Maybe I should go back to it :D

 

Slightly more helpfully (perhaps) in relation to your Grey vs. Demi question. Demi-romantic to me means you have to know the person really well as a friend before you would go on to develop a romantic crush. Grey to me means you would develop romantic crushes infrequently and/or they would be weaker than a typical romantic crush. So you could be both Grey and Demi (i.e. infrequent/mild crushes developing only after prior prolonged friendship/intimacy 'exposure' : grey-demi-romo) just one or the other (i.e having strong crushes develop but only after knowing the person a long time : demi-non-grey-romo, or getting mild and/or infrequent crushes on people you hardly know : grey-non-demi-romo) or neither (i.e. strong and frequent crushes on people you hardly know : typical allo-romo :P)

 

And lastly: you say part of you wants a romance. But what aspect(s) of it appeals to you? Is it just wanting to experience something that most humans experience? (like having a kind of human emotional experiences 'bucket list', lol). Is it wanting somebody else to make your relationship a priority in their lives?  (given that we happen to live in an amatonormative society where 'priorty' and 'romantic' are seen as synonymous in the personal relationship context). Or, is it something else entirely?

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On 02/09/2017 at 1:16 PM, cute kitty Meow! Mewo! said:

then I'm clueless if they have any hope towards romance, or if they only see me as a friend - like that they see me as a potential close friend. that sorta thing confuses me a ton.

I'll just add a little comment here as the previous reply is nicely comprehensive. Being oblivious to other people's romantic intentions seems to be a fairly common occurrence for people all over the romantic spectrum as there are no standard ways of showing romantic interest, some are just more commonly recognisable than others (for example flirting vs making time for the other person even when you are busy). Questioning whether the people around you are motivated by romantic or platonic attractions is hard without actual questions being asked, at least you can spot flirting! The way I see it, it is not our job to work out what is in other people's heads (sorry if you are a psychologist or something) and enjoy the time with other people in the way you feel romantic/platonic to them. Ask the question when you feel the need to and answer honestly if they ask you first. 

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