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Chloé

How do I deal with my best friend that's constantly blabbing about her romantic life?

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My best friend was actually the one to introduce me to the term aromantic, since her other friend told her she was probably aro. 

 

So, I told her that I was pretty sure that I was aro too, and she was like "oki doki", but she didn't give me much of a reaction, so I have no idea what she thinks of aro people. Problem is, she's constantly blabbing on about how she's fallen for this guy, but then again that dude is soooo cute, but they're kinda both rude, and she has no idea how to deal with her heart, blablabla, you get the point. I told her that I can't really give her any advice other than "well if he's a dick then don't fall for him", "consider the personality before the looks"  and "if he hasn't been kind to you or anyone else, no point in even considering him". But then she says stuff like "ohhh but look he's so CUTE.... MY HEAAAART! rip me..." and it's so annoying to me that she asks for my advice on something I don't feel and then she doesn't even listen the little advice I have.

How do I explain this to her without sounding like a total jerk that doesn't care about her?

 

There's also been the situation where she ships me with people or says "ohhh Chloe, there's no need to hide it, everyone or at least know that you're madly in love with him". I've told her that I am aro, and that I really dislike it when she does stuff like that, especially in front of other people, since what she's saying are pure lies. But even though I have explained my feelings to her, she says, "oh yes I'm sorry", but when the next opportunity of saying something of the sort comes up, she immediately grabs it. I know she means no harm and that she forgets, but it's really hurtful to me.

How would I tell her to fucking shut up about my so called "intense crushes" without coming off as an evil friend?

 

I really don't want to lose her or create any kind of conflict/fight between her and me... Please help me!!!!

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To be honest, I don't think you can reasonably expect her to stop blabbing on and on about who she fancies. Think of it this way: It's like when you find a TV show or a movie or a book that you absolutely love, and you just want to talk about it all day with whoever will listen. That's what your friend is going through when she has a crush, and your sensible advice probably isn't of much interest to her.

 

As for her "shipping" you with people, and saying stuff like that in public, it's really not ok and you have every right to tell her so. It sounds like she doesn't realise how much it's upsetting you, so maybe try explaining how you feel in as much detail as possible. To avoid conflict, you could explain that you're having this discussion because you really value her friendship and want to know that she accepts you for who who are.

 

Good luck, I hope you can get things sorted out.

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15 hours ago, Chloé said:

"well if he's a dick then don't fall for him", "consider the personality before the looks"  and "if he hasn't been kind to you or anyone else, no point in even considering him". But then she says stuff like "ohhh but look he's so CUTE.... MY HEAAAART! rip me..." and it's so annoying to me that she asks for my advice on something I don't feel and then she doesn't even listen the little advice I have.

How do I explain this to her without sounding like a total jerk that doesn't care about her?

^ Every time I try to give someone relationship advice (which I'm asked to waaaaay more than seems appropriate)

TBH I just give this advice anyway then let them do as they wish. If they keep going on I change the topic. If they try again I ask why don't we talk about something else as this topic is obviously stressful for them. Pretty much all I can think to do :')

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2 hours ago, Chloé said:

 

Thanks for that explanation! I'm going to try that and see if she understands. She's a caring person, but you know, hormones. Again, thanks for the advice! 

 

My friend Nik has a crush on me, and it seems more like a peer-pressured crush, and sometimes when we text he says stuff like "so what's going on inside your beautiful mind?". And I'm flattered, but I already told him not to do stuff like that, that it makes me uncomfortable and such, and he seems to have stopped. But I consider him as one of my best friends and he seems to be my friend only because he supposedly "likes" me. What do I do????

Just tell Nik I really enjoy your company but I'm not into you like that and if he's a good friend he will understand and stop flirting 😁

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On 27/08/2017 at 5:44 PM, Chloé said:

But I consider him as one of my best friends and he seems to be my friend only because he supposedly "likes" me. What do I do????

Why don't you try doing friend stuff with him? Like invite a bunch of friends over and play video games or talk about other people he may be interested in. Then if he tries to get too close or says he's only interested in you, you have an oppertunity to say "Look Nik, I really enjoy having you as my friend because of x/y/z but I have to be honest, this stuff is making me really uncomfortable and if it continues I'm going to have to spend less time with you which I don't want to do. Can you understand? I want to spend time with you as my friend but this stuff you're doing keeps really upsetting me, and I know that's not your intention"

That way hopefully he'll have the chance to decide wether this real/peer-pressured crush is worth persuing if it pushes you away, or if he'd rather give up on it and just be your friend

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4 hours ago, Skittles87 said:

As for her "shipping" you with people, and saying stuff like that in public, it's really not ok and you have every right to tell her so. It sounds like she doesn't realise how much it's upsetting you, so maybe try explaining how you feel in as much detail as possible. To avoid conflict, you could explain that you're having this discussion because you really value her friendship and want to know that she accepts you for who who are.

 

Thanks for that explanation! I'm going to try that and see if she understands. She's a caring person, but you know, hormones. Again, thanks for the advice! 

2 hours ago, SamwiseLovesLife said:

^ Every time I try to give someone relationship advice (which I'm asked to waaaaay more than seems appropriate)

TBH I just give this advice anyway then let them do as they wish. If they keep going on I change the topic. If they try again I ask why don't we talk about something else as this topic is obviously stressful for them. Pretty much all I can think to do :')

 

My friend Nik has a crush on me, and it seems more like a peer-pressured crush, and sometimes when we text he says stuff like "so what's going on inside your beautiful mind?". And I'm flattered, but I already told him not to do stuff like that, that it makes me uncomfortable and such, and he seems to have stopped. But I consider him as one of my best friends and he seems to be my friend only because he supposedly "likes" me. What do I do????

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1 hour ago, RASHAAN said:

ust tell Nik I really enjoy your company but I'm not into you like that and if he's a good friend he will understand and stop flirting 😁

 

Well that's what I did and he still flirted with me. I told him I am aro, and his reaction was "oh yeah that is so you" but I don't think he really accepts that. It looks like he is trying to "win me over" or something. And when I got a little harsh and was like "S.T.O.P." he seemed really hurt and angry.

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7 hours ago, SamwiseLovesLife said:

That way hopefully he'll have the chance to decide wether this real/peer-pressured crush is worth persuing if it pushes you away, or if he'd rather give up on it and just be your friend

Thanks SamwiseLovesLife!!

 

It looks like he chose to keep pushing me away, so I guess being around him will make me uncomfortable and make my stomach feel bad forever. Well, if he decided that, he wasn't a very good friend in the end. I think I'm okay with that.

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