Froggodraws

Getting a boyfriend made me realize… whoops 😭. I genuinely feel bad that I had to date someone in order to figure out my feelings. I knew I was asexual before dating him, but he’s asexual too, so I thought, “this is going to be great!” It turns out that I just wanted someone to be close with, and that I felt a really strong platonic attraction towards him. About a month into the relationship, I started to feel suffocated. Every time he would express how romantically attractive I am, I would avoid accepting the compliment or I would try to change the subject…( not good 😭). It just made me extremely uncomfortable to think that someone was ACTUALLY attracted to me and it wasn’t just a hypothetical. I didn’t really understand my feelings though, and I thought there was just something wrong with me. I blames it on my depression and not being able to see him enough. So, I stayed with him for another 2 months until I finally realized that I’m not just asexual! At first I thought I might be demiromantic (because I’ve only dated / “liked” my best friends) and I identified like that in the middle of dating him, but in the end that label didn’t really fit. It sucks that he didn’t want to stay friends after dating because he’s such a sweet person but I understand I guess :( As for learning I’m asexual… that one was pretty easy. As soon as I found out about asexuality I just said “wow that really sounds like me” and that was it 😭. I’ve never understood what’s so appealing about sex… and I would never want to have it. I’m pretty sex repulsed. It still took a while to REALLY accept it, but I’ve identified as aspec ever since finding out about it.

Yes!!! I have a similar experience to this!!! I have been in 2 relationships, and on both occasions I wondered why I should just have one partner…. or why my partner should only be with me. When I was told my ex girlfriend was flirting with other people I… kind of didn’t care? I mean… I cared because it made the other person uncomfortable, but I didn’t care that she was trying to be with other people. I never expressed my confusion to my past partners because I thought it would scare them if I told them I didn’t care about monogamy. I really thought I was just into open relationships… but turns out I’m not into romantic relationships at all 😅.

This is kind of just a little ramble where I’m confused about my feelings the whole time lol I really want to be close to someone. I really, really want to. It feels like I just want a best friend that I can be physically affectionate with (not sexually really, just like a peck on the lips/cheek/forehead, holding hands, cuddling, and hugs) But I’m not really sure if that means I want a QPR? I don’t really have any other things I want other than affection and for the person to also be on the aroace spectrum. I don’t care about exclusivity or living together or any other things that I’ve seen others have in QPRs. I just don’t freaking know if I want to label this desire for connection as wanting a QPR or if this is something else?? Plus, I’ve also had friends offer to kiss me on the cheek… which makes me happy!! but also makes me wonder if I really do want a QPR or just more friends like that 😭. Being aroace but loving physical affection is so confusing sometimes 😭😭

Damn. That sounds really complicated, and I’m sorry you’re going through all that. Maybe it’s best to take space from dating until you feel like you’re in a better place? Not sure. Or you can let your potential partner how you’re feeling…? I think that communication is a HUGE part of relationships (romantic or not). It’s definitely not easy to be vulnerable but I believe that it can be totally worth it!

I kinda relate to this. While I do have a “main” name that I go by irl because it’s convenient… I like to be called other things. Sometimes, nicknames are just sweet! I enjoy them a lot, and I wish I was called by other names lots and lots! It honestly depends on the person… Basically, I think I understand what you’re saying. Names are really personal things and they can be complicated. (And my feelings about gender make it even more funky) I’m sorry that you’re scared to tell people they can call you other names :(. I know it can be really rough :((. But you definitely aren’t alone in your feelings!!

I haven’t identified as aromantic for very long… but I have known I am asexual for years. I have friends that I am extremely grateful for and I care about them very deeply! However, not many of them are on the aromantic/asexual spectrum. Sometimes, that makes me feel really lonely. I want someone who I can relate to… I guess? Almost everyone around me is falling in love and it feels like I’m just… there. It feels weird to have everyone around me experience an attraction that I just don’t have. I basically want an aroace best friend. I want somebody who understands the little aromantic/asexual jokes I make. I want someone who likes to hug and cuddle without there being feelings attached. I want a person who understands exactly what it’s like to be aroace. I feel like I just struggle in my friendships sometimes, because I can’t really connect with them about these things that are pretty important. It’s just super frustrating to not know that many aroace people!!! I miss feeling like I belong somewhere :,). Anyway, thank you for reading!! I just really needed to get that off my chest.

I’m really sorry that you’re going through all these complicated feelings :(. I can kind of relate to what you’re saying. It sometimes feels like my friends don’t care about me as much as I care about them. Or we have very different plans for our lives. It sucks, and I know how badly that hurts. I am so so sorry. It’s horrible to feel the way you’re feeling. On the other hand, try not to be too hard on yourself. It can be hard for almost anyone to find people they truly connect with… I just want you to know that you are not unlovable. You probably didn’t do anything wrong. People are just… complicated. I hope that you find someone who is willing to be an AMAZING friend to you, and travel with you! You deserve to be happy! I know it sounds cheesy, but it’s true. I wish I could magically solve your dilemma for you :(.

Honestly.. I can relate to this post a lot. I don’t really know if I want a QPR, and I only learned I was actually aromantic a few months ago. I’ve been in relationships before and… that obviously didn’t work out. I think I just want someone to cuddle with and give small kisses to. Not really.. romance stuff. I want a best friend that likes to be affectionate, I guess? I don’t know if that counts as a QPR or not though 😭😭😭. Anyway, I really wish I had the answer to your questions. But I just wanted to let you know that you aren’t alone :,).