the more the merrier

This is super nice! I love this vibe and its instrumentation! 

I've never been very good at rating out of 10, so I shall award this... 
 out of

New tune, more (acoustic) 🎸! https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dcSnqiRFFS4

18 hours ago, venomous said:

Has anyone else experienced a situation where you suddenly realise you don’t have to get into a romantic relationship and you see a whole new world open up in front of you? Finding out about platonic partnerships made me feel a similar thing, and my friend had the same kind of response when I told them about QPRs so I’m curious about if this is a common thing. 

Yes! Being here, on Arocalypse, feels like this to me. This gradual easing of the residue of dread, which opens up more expansive and relaxed worlds.

Where did you first come across QPRs, if you don't mind the q., @venomous? Thank you for your lovely post!

Welcome, @Laies! It's fab to meet you!

I hope you have a mega time here! Do you have any plans and/or wishes for your birthday? *breaks out the aro-themed party treats and offers lots to you*  

Hi lovely, all of this research can be overwhelming, so thank you so much for putting your experiences in words - You don’t have be alone with your thoughts.

Your words here remind me of this article: https://www.tumblr.com/117-opossum-teeth/669161588213907456/limerence-obsession-and-escapism-my-submission. I don’t know if you’ll relate with this after reading it, if you wish to do so, yet I think this writer could have been on a similar wavelength to you.

(The above article also comes from a fantastic monthly blogging event, Carnival of Aros, which is a mind-blowingly good time to explore, if you’re curious for more.)

On fear on intimacy, I still find this a tricky conundrum. In discussions here, others have mentioned that, even with this fear, any kind of attraction may also be present. So, this might be a consideration for you. If you could imagine feeling safe with someone, do you think that a romantic draw/attraction towards them, or any other kind of attraction, could co-exist? I still have to let go of many fears myself, so perhaps I may not be the wisest person to answer this one, yet I wanted to offer a little, just in case another can throw in some more thoughts on this puzzler.

A lot of bright minds on this forum have a wonderful way of phrasing the following, to help us relax us about whether we might be aro, or anything else for that matter, or otherwise. It’s a-okay to explore who you are and find out that something else might be true later. Reading about the experiences of others, and asking these great questions, can be so wonderful, and there’s no rush to hand in our final papers on who we are. 

Please take so much care of yourself, and all the best for finding answers or any further questions! We wish you the best!

Congratulations!!! How is your post-op experience so far? I hope you can feel physical comfort if you're resting and recuperating, and that you have those around you to support you with treats, kindness and any stretches that become possible as you heal. <3

Emotionally, does it feel as you thought it would? Perhaps the joy is even stronger? Huge congratulations, once more, for reaching this dreamed-about moment!!!

Welcome, @AroAceDancer! Here’s hoping that you have the time of your life here! 💃

On 1/6/2023 at 1:22 PM, Holmbo said:

I was listening to a podcast interview about this text and it made me think of this community. Some good metaphors for building a community

https://mixedmag.co/2022/11/30/the-freedom-in-community-choosing-the-forest-by-monique-murad/

Super interesting, thank you for sharing this! Do you have any thoughts on how we might ‘water with intention’ within this community? I’d love to understand the concept more, if so! There’s some lovely perspectives here too: “grief is not the opposite of a joyful life, but a product of one”. I didn’t know about the Solo project either, very cool!

On 1/3/2023 at 2:36 PM, Storm_leopardcat said:

What font is this?

Hi @Storm_leopardcat! It's Georgia! This font also has 'a', 'r' & 'o' within its name, as does Times New Roman. Could it be that all fonts secretly support our aromantic advocacy?

It's so good to be here. I can't wait to listen to you, each and every one of you.

Evidence has supported me being aromantic asexual for a decade now. I often didn’t listen to this or to my instincts about it, especially before and throughout three relationships. Yet as our rep grows around us, and as we pop up everywhere, this representation may aid us to trust ourselves a little more. With more questions than answers, I cannot wait for this.

I’d like to be as open as possible to other possibilities. “If the fact will not fit the theory - let the theory go” (Agatha Christie). I hope to live this too.

As for now, aegoromanticism relaxes me, and gives me that ‘rush of recognition’ feeling. Fellow aegos, may I have the first (group!) dance?

Learning more about the science of aromanticism would be wonderful. Philosophy, especially ethics, OSTs and classical music, learning Italian (currently an A1/A2 beginner) and so much of life and thought fascinates me. Let's learn lots and grow together, besties-to-be. 

10 minutes ago, Nix said:

Well, we still have to decide on the first book :) I have bought Platonic as it is now also available as an e-book for my reader, but Brandon Sanderson also released a new book so I’ll start on that first 😅

Okay! Platonic sounds like a lovely first choice for the future, to my mind. I'm unfamiliar with Brandon Sanderson! Which one are you about to begin and would there be any works of his which you would recommend to the uninitiated? How did you first encounter his writing? Please enjoy this new release treat, Nix!

On 12/27/2022 at 5:48 PM, Nix said:

@MulticulturalFarmer suggested starting a book reading club so why not see how many people would be interested? The idea is that we pick a book with an aromantic theme, read it and then discuss after everyone had had a chance to read it.

For the first book I want to suggest this one: (Marisa Franco: Platonic: How the Science of Attachment Can Help You Make — And Keep — Friends.)  As posted by @Holmboin this topic: 

 

Yes please to this idea! Platonic sounds fab!

Would you be open to including GRSM rep of all kinds? Poetry isn't everyone's cup of tea, yet the recent 100 Queer Poems could be an option as well as Julia Shaw's Bi: The Hidden Culture, History, and Science of Bisexuality? Hooray for our book club!

@Neon, I think so many of us here will be so sorry to hear this. Even in the midst of all of this conflict, it sounds like you’ve been developing such healthy boundaries, and I would love to borrow a light sprinkling of your confidence and assertion anytime. All the best for your mom’s recovery, and all the more for the hope that you can share this natural convo soon. 

On 12/30/2022 at 8:33 PM, MulticulturalFarmer said:

Hi there everyone. This is a rant, and I hope that some people can relate. I can't seem to make friends online, especially on penpal sites and reddit. I can't make many IRL because I'm stuck in one of those backwards rural areas at the moment (though I previously lived in a major urban area the first time I tried college), and a lot of people are just standoffish to me in general due to perceived androgynous-ness (due to being intersex) and my ethnic background.  I have lived in better rural areas but this one sucks, but I gotta be here for financial reasons (aka job loss). I'd like to have a QPR that involves sexual relations, but I'm okay with close friendships or QPRs without sex too. 

Eh, I'm sure my personality could be better and I could be better off at talking to people about more 'common interests' for people in their 20s like going to bars, dancing, pop music, etc. (there's not much of that here, but starting a new job in 2023 could at least help me to get to the bars and restaurants that have things going on but there's only two of those). I tend to only like intellectual topics as my personal interests, some outdoor activities, and I'm trying to get back into sports. 

But even online I guess because of the lack of shared activities (even in the virtual world), especially on penpal websites, it's hard to make long term friends and keep conversations going, because I think the barrier to having shared experiences is a lot higher. So I'm grateful to forums like this where I guess you can make conversation and acquaintances a bit more organically as opposed to "I would like someone to talk to about xyz interest and let’s hope we get along”

Oh, and I lost a lot of my religious friends after coming out as non-religious and intersex. Granted I was younger and a bit "in your face" about the non-religious thing, but the intersex thing was definitely a factor too.  I also have had to cut out many so-called acquaintances/friends that I made IRL while traveling who didn't really hit me up to talk or never really responded to messages. Previously I would have just tried to talk to them anyway, but I’m at the point where if someone doesn’t make an effort to converse with me regularly (and i dont want things to be one-sided cause so many interactions with people are that way) or accommodate my health issues or disabilities I don’t want to engage with them either. 

There were a few people I did make acquaintances/friends with the first time I tried college and did a summer of studying abroad, but, admittedly it was a dealbreaker that I always had to write messages and didn't get to talk verbally (the other person was not interested in that), cause, ugh, dyslexia is an irritating condition for sure. 

So I guess the conclusion of this is that I could be better with friends and the like, I have made some mistakes (like what I mentioned earlier), but also that there were some times when people talked to me but I used to, when I was slightly younger, only want to have friends that also had STEM and/or history as their absolute biggest interest and if people with other interests talked to me I wouldn’t talk to them much unless we saw each other in person. So yeah, could be that my desire to have friendships in a particular way limited me, though I'm sure being different as a result of my identities is another factor.

One such person was this nice lady I met in the university’s “diversity” center but I didn’t talk much with her because of the lack of interests, and that was probably my fault, because we got along on a personality and accommodating each other’s differences type of level. I'm also sure that possibly being autistic doesn't help my situation either.

 

@MulticulturalFarmer, I’m so sorry.

Five years of academic leave due to ill-health has sharpened loneliness beyond previous experience, and I’ve found it hard to think about my own loneliness for most of my life, so thank you very much for writing all of this - perhaps leading by example, if you don’t mind this idea, by sharing this with us here. Loneliness and its companions can have such a huge physical impact, so opening up as you do sounds so healthy.

When reading your words on shared interests, the idea of ‘cross-pollination’ comes to mind, and I wonder if it would suit you. With so many different passion and interests, the way another looks at the world, or their specific technical acumen, can lend such fresh perspectives to a question or to an idea, or introduce to you to new concepts which you can borrow metaphors or understanding from and trade insights from your favoured worlds in return.

On the other hand, knowing what delights you and wanting to share that is wondrous too, as you deep-dive into your element with others. Perhaps, in this vein, you might be the one to introduce someone to their next love (no-romo) and, even if a new friend doesn’t share your interests just yet, if they’re open to this and would like to learn more, perhaps, in time, you might share a whole heap of intellectual connections.

As one further small thing, I once heard the perspective that sharing “disposition is more important than shared interests”. At the time, I didn’t understand this at all, yet I think I’m beginning to (even if I disagree with the ’vs’ element of it). The above is fantastic, and melding as a team is golden. People can give each other so much, and this goes beyond all of this, scientific discipline and anything else that may differentiate us, preference-wise.

I wonder how you find being a friend to yourself, too. It sounds like you trust the choices you’ve made so far, yet our inner critic is a constant friend for many of us. I hope that we can relax into 2023 and towards being good to and for others. I, for one, would love to learn more about STEM and history (which are the best!) and I’d love to get (voice) penpal-ing!

@MulticulturalFarmer, I don’t know why I concentrated on one aspect when there’s so much to reflect on in your post. I can’t wait to read more thoughts from others about everything you’ve shared, whether that’s here or in future discussions about intersectionality!