Apathetic Echidna

@roboticanary  I'm sorry if I'm a bit late. It was a hard one to write. https://mesotablar.dreamwidth.org/27712.html

It was a bit after aro week but I read a bunch or aro blogs and articles -most notably the ones for Carnival of Aros- but I did go through a bunch of reading and that was really fun. 

The  drop in feelings could possibly have something to do with newness and excitement dwindling with familiarity? as for the repulsion part, well could that have to do with expectations you are uncomfortable with?

Basically I'm really not sure, Sorry! but it is always good to look beyond the relationship between you and look at the bigger network of influences and powers in society, culture and social circle.

Do you think it sounds more like romantic or alterous attraction to feel like falling into a soft cloud of happiness whenever you talk with them, even if they are having a bad day and are just saying mundane things, the important thing is they are saying them to you, along with the desire to no longer explore intimacy with other people even when it is offered and normally you would be cool with it? also spending lots of time thinking about what to say or what they said and thinking about possible future moments... 

I may have answered my own question but I just would like some outside input. 

Do your feelings suddenly knock you sideways and you don't know what to think anymore?
How often should we be reflecting on our feelings and behaviours?

My only really deep understanding of love is through the framework of possession. Someone or something has to be My someone or something for me to classify it as love. My parents, My pets, My couch. I am not jealous or controlling about it but it probably falls into a less healthy expression...

Still a few hours left for any late comers!

Edit: I think it is officially not Feb anywhere in the world (I suck at timezones!) so entries are closed and I'm writing the round up

@Dabney Stephens and @aroace_auncle Did either of you want to write more, like an article or blog post, to expand on your thoughts about community? (you aren't restricted to the question prompts I proposed)

oof. Sort out your own spell check and add aromantic, aro and aromanticism to your device dictionary! 

I also have really high hopes for your central square being crossed out. This normal island needs to be normal again too. 
 

22 hours ago, DeltaV said:

Elf? Elf? “Elf” means 11 in Afrikaans, Dutch or German. Is it that what you’re hinting at?

But … in Maltese “elf” means 1000!!!

Forgive me! I know nothing! ~though if we could get a convention going in some future time I'm sure we could convince 999 other arospec people to show up. It would have to be somewhere with a variety of transport options to get to, like boat, plane, train, and car....so basically definitely not Australia!

22 hours ago, roboticanary said:

the twilight font is a beautiful touch.

oh I hadn't noticed that! very good. (butIenjoywatchingTwilightanyway!)

On 1/29/2022 at 9:55 AM, DeltaV said:

finding FIVE aros in the wild

Elf! 

but I only just realised now (I totally pulled the number 5 out of thin air) that with your ***** that this is a 5-star badge! ?

another hard one:

Quiver of Aros (be part of a meeting with a total of 5(?) or more aro-spec people)

[I originally had 'Flock of Aros' but the group terminology is 'Quiver' for arrows, so does that mean we are a quiver on Arocalypse? A-quiver on Arocalypse! ??]

It's February, and time for a new instalment of Carnival of Aros! It's a monthly blogging event that highlights aromantic and arospec experiences. Visit the main site here.

The theme of this month’s Carnival of Aros is “Community”

February is when many people celebrate Aromantic Spectrum Awareness Week (21st - 27th) and I was hoping we could share our thoughts on communities. I’ve made some prompts but feel free to take this topic anywhere you want to go with it!
 

• Is your community interaction only online or is it also in real life?
• Are you planning to find/join a real life community this month?
• Are you part of a small community you want more people to know about?
• Is your community supportive or is it letting your down?
• Does your community celebrate or have an event you want more people to participate in? Perfect time to advertise!
• Do you think communities are important?
• What is the best part(s) of the communities you are in?

8 hours ago, Aroya said:

"Loveless" by Alice Oseman

Checked out the blurb for this and I'd be interested to see what you think!

43 minutes ago, roboticanary said:

OK, you say you have told them to stop many times. First point in my opinion would be to add some consequences to this. I'm not going to tell you to cut out of your life someone you care about immediately, but if one day they overstep your boundaries at least end the conversation for that time. Make it an obvious fact that when they do these things that make you uncomfortable, they get pushed away from you, and if they want quality time with you they have to stop those behaviours. 

I'll just add that you should stuck to your consequences for them. If they upset you and you feel you have to walk away, when/if they run after you apologising just say you are too angry/upset right now and leave. Don't immediately forgive them or start negotiating for behaviour change (do that at a later time) 

I agree with @roboticanary, I say I am 'Generally Romance Neutral' because it is a general guideline.

Though I do like most Romance in fiction I won't say I'm favourable because I don't care that much in real life. I also don't say I am repulsed because my list of 'repulsions' is so small, and they aren't something that you come across every day. 

Context is all important though, whether something feels romantic-coded or not (for me at least) depends almost entirely on the intentions the other person has behind their actions.

This was actually the topic for the December Carnival of Aros, though the round-up hasn't been posted yet. Keep your eye out for the round-up and you should have plenty of interesting stuff to read on the subject 

https://aro-but-not-ace.tumblr.com/post/672157290869276672/i-may-push-this-back-a-day-i-wrote-this-early

I heard about asexuality when I was a teenager and thought it was interesting but not for me, it didn't feel 'right'. Then I ignored everything for 10 years ? 

Going back to actively questioning was hard. I am a very wordy person, so I needed a label for myself. It was an obsessive compulsion. I read all sorts of other people's experiences trying to find something that sounded familiar. I happened to stumble upon a link in a forum to this place and I instantly felt at home. Most everything here was relatable or understandable. 

BUT

my sexuality wasn't as easy to work out. Again, being a wordy person I went through every list I could find, and so many blogs until I found a very obscure MOGAI/micro label that I felt fit. I finally had a label. Then I researched to find others and came to the conclusion there were only 2 of us at the time.

Then a label didn't seem to matter so much anymore.

It didn't unlock anything new, it didn't draw me to a community. The only thing I got from picking a label more specific than Grey-A was a nicely coloured pride flag (that no one will recognise because there were only 2 of us!). Now I just use greysexual because I don't see the point in being specific.

Now I think having a supportive community is more important than a label, especially as you can use a general term like grey- or queer. The most important thing is knowing your limitations and what you are comfortable with, but I do understand your pain if you are seeking a specific label for yourself.

Welcome! The community here is pretty friendly, and I hope you find some interesting things to get you thinking 

On 12/25/2021 at 4:59 AM, Arsenic said:

kink as a turn-on, not necessarily being a sexual one.

I'm not clear on this. By turn-on do you mean like a heightened state? for example, like fear and anxiety can appear as quickly as flicking a switch? or more like just something you are drawn to?

I'll definitely admit to my SFW obsessive preference for nicely textured clothing. Almost all my fancy clothes have interesting textures now, so see me sitting at the fancy dinner? know I am totally patting my own leg under the table! 

@DeltaV don't you know, my profile picture is photo-realistic!

I would post if I could do it anonymously, but nope. You aren't going to find out. 

30 minutes ago, mewix said:

But even in hero movies the love interest often seems to be a prize and almost treated not really human in own right,

It is annoyingly rare to find hero movies where the love interests of hero or villain are not shallow 'place-holders'. They are basically prizes or something to make the other character look cooler/badder/powerful.

3 hours ago, mewix said:

Nah a psychopath can "love" others but for the purpose of manipulation and fufiling themselves, a lot of them r out dating lol.

Exactly! Much more likely to meet a psychopath on a dating site than at an aromantic convention! ?

This all boils down to a misunderstanding of what 'aromantic' is as well as what 'psychopath' is, but it is a disheartening conflation. We gotta remember psychopaths are people too, and I would take one of them over a bigot any day. 

I don't. I used to wear a small engagement ring on that finger because the community was still undecided on colour and placement. Then I stumbled upon a simple black ring I loved and started wearing the ace ring. Now I would only consider an aro ring if it would match the minimalist style and quality of my ace ring. 

I haven't come out to my family because I figured it wasn't worth it. They don't pressure me to do things I don't want and putting a label on it would just lead to other assumptions. But I am close to most of my family and they know me well already. 

If your family is pressuring you for the traditional 'partner & breed' life plan then maybe come out to them as an explanation? It is harder for you than other people because orientations are something you can't control? but then they may take it as you asking for help in getting a partner. 

(Saying you live in an Asian household is practically meaningless to me, because our common knowledge must be wildly different (it is a continent, and the diaspora population varies again). Are you from a family where arranged marriage is accepted/expected? are babies/breeding the most important thing? is social status and legitimacy only reserved for married people? how much of that have you internalised?)

Welcome!

I hope this place is a wellspring of interesting information for you ?

Also, better alone and happy than trapped in a bad relationship (of any sort) ?

My close family have known for a long long time that I'm not having kids. But recently it has been a topic coming up again with my more distant cousins and my friends. It is sort of feeling like peer pressure when it comes up in conversation every time we talk.