ApeironStella
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Status Replies posted by ApeironStella
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Me: I don't understand why they are willing to let the world end for their SO
Also me: If needed, I will become a serial killer for my closest friends
I thought that was funny. On the other hand, allos in books tend to do it at the expense of their friends, family, and all other relationships, so maybe it's less hypocritical than I thought.
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It's tricky bc same.
I would be willing to kill/help hide the corpse for someone I care about if I thought it was some self defense thing/a fridge case where the murder happened bc someone was hurting them etc
But not at the cost of other people who matters to me and people who did literally nothing wrong and not even tied to the events, so it really is not getting how 'romantic feelings' somehow grants someone the worth above everyone else in my life and a fuck ton of other people and beings who wouldn't deserve such horrible ends, so it really comes down to amatonormativism I think?
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I probably have something wrong with me... As it was brought up as I was talking to an old bestfriend, I really do have some... fixation problems. I just. Obsess over someone or something really bad at times and even people I normally do care about doesn't feel like they matter at those times. I still try to act normal to them but just. Barely tolerate them. And like. When I am out of that obsessing period, then I have a not caring about anything stage and kinda return back to normal but then feel hallow inside. It can be character, person I really admire, a story, a rp, a personality theory, anything. And that can be really bad for human interactions because I really don't care most of the time and feel like I am just faking it often times. Also, since I am still a human being I might end up talking with someone about what I was obsessing over too if they really like it too, which might lead to a randomly made friendship and since emotions there are INTENSE I don't even realize that we barely know anything about each other but feel pretty attached to each other by then and when my interest to topic cools down, there is often some messy friendship breaks.....any idea what the problem might be? Don't wanna go to see some professional help without at least some idea of what it might be?
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@Untamed Heart Thank you! And I considered Asperger's before learning it was a defunct term, so yes. And exactly! Once I feel like I "know" them, "get waked up", I just... have no problem dropping someone like a hot potato and yes, neglecting others is there as well. Only difference is, I don't really get crushes so it was even more confusing for me because when I tried to date them thinking it was a crush, it would just go "????? what wait no that's not right" in my brain. Only second guessing is really for how other side would feel, since I kinda have a huge problem with guilt trips? And I agree/have the same fluctuating interest thing as well! But thing is, sometimes I probably don't even feel that for the person but simply feel it for the topic we were talking about, so that's when it gets messy with "feeling close without really knowing them that well" thingy. Because I do horrible with actual human interactions, so yeah, might be somewhere on autism spec too, maybe?
BPD seems to be least likely at this point since my mood do fluctuate a lot during day but it always match whatever I was thinking/experiencing. So it is not BPD kind of out of control but still pretty changing? And well... There is one psychologist close enough I could find, but I still have this "am I over-exaggerating" sense and since my mother was saying same thing too, not so certain about having a visit rn. (which is funny because this is something I was aware of for... 6-7 years by now? Like, the sense of something is just..off? thingy.)
Aahh...
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I probably have something wrong with me... As it was brought up as I was talking to an old bestfriend, I really do have some... fixation problems. I just. Obsess over someone or something really bad at times and even people I normally do care about doesn't feel like they matter at those times. I still try to act normal to them but just. Barely tolerate them. And like. When I am out of that obsessing period, then I have a not caring about anything stage and kinda return back to normal but then feel hallow inside. It can be character, person I really admire, a story, a rp, a personality theory, anything. And that can be really bad for human interactions because I really don't care most of the time and feel like I am just faking it often times. Also, since I am still a human being I might end up talking with someone about what I was obsessing over too if they really like it too, which might lead to a randomly made friendship and since emotions there are INTENSE I don't even realize that we barely know anything about each other but feel pretty attached to each other by then and when my interest to topic cools down, there is often some messy friendship breaks.....any idea what the problem might be? Don't wanna go to see some professional help without at least some idea of what it might be?
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@omitef That's probably the case, actually? Not sure about if I am on somewhere on autism spec, but hyperfixation sounds a lot more likely. ADHD in general seems pretty likely, though I still feel like I am not "hyper" enough for it in both thought-speed wise or physically yet when I actually sit and think about it, it fits like a glove too? Especially how it shows in females+'had good grades and has fast processing/memorizing ability so even if she did not pay attention to class %90 of the time, no one really thought she had a problem'+Rejection Sensitivity Dysphoria is likely the reason why I so many times found myself thinking if I had a Borderline or Bipolar Disorder (it is apparently pretty easy to mix rapid cycling BPD and ADHD? And the one I thought I had was rapid cycling one too, though I realized that my instantenous mood changes weren't on their own, but always related to either a thought my brain led me to come to or someone's actions etc. Also hyper shame sensitivity when it comes to people you respect/are close to is a very real thing- as well as attachment problems. In general, ADHD seems to fit better, though I still have some problems with understanding social rules or appropiate emotional reactions, so yeah. I was researching after I wrote that, so I am sorry about really long reply---
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I am honestly a lot more protective towards allo aro people than allo aces, it seems. I don't hate them or want them to die or something- it is just their way of validating their humanity by saying they can "love too" makes me feel pretty disconnected with ace movement so I can easily see how us aroaces doing the "but we are mostly aces as well so we aren't 'heartless sex maniacs'" couldend up making allo aros feel the same way. Not that they all have to be always sexually active but because slut shaming and "cold, heartless monsters" are things they already might have and most likely do have said to them.
I just.
I am adopting you all okay.
