Nessa

10 hours ago, Elin W said:

I learnt about both asexuality and aromanticism in December - so I’m new knowing about it but I’ve felt this way all my life. It took me more thinking to realise I was asexual, but I knew aromanticism was my identify as soon as I learnt about it. 

As long as I can remember I simply haven’t got it, I haven’t understood what “romantic love” is all about. I was indifferent to it growing up which made me an outsider (I guess I’m an outsider in other ways too....) When being a teenager hearing other girls talking about them wanting a guy who would take care of them - my spontaneous reaction was to just laugh - why wouldn’t they be able to take care of themselves? 

I grew up religious and my faith has always been very important to me. Which also means that I thought “that thing about finding the love of your life” can wait until later. When others my age in church were struggling with their both sexual and romantic attractions (having the ideal to wait until marriage you know ? that was the ideal in the church communities where I grew up) I was just indifferent and often annoyed as well. I has always been the quiet listener to my friends’ talking about being unhappy in love or feeling sexual attraction for people who didn’t want them back. 
 

ive always thought my indifference and repulsion to romantic love has had to do with my parents’ relationship. They haven’t been mean to each other but they’ve never been romantically interested in each other, I think. At least that’s how they’ve talked about it - of course they’ve had love for each other and affection, but never in a sentimental way. And they’ve never shown affection towards each other the way that is expected I think in western society. I’ve always thought that “I’m never going to settle for someone just because, I’m going to wait until I really FEEL real love for somebody”. But that feeling has never happened to me. 

I can enjoy thinking about romantic love sometimes. It’s the same with sex for me, I enjoy thinking about it certain weeks (not every month though). When I do I can read romantic and erotic books - but romance books without sexual content usually bores the hell out of me. And the interest always fades away after a couple of days..... I’ve always been wondering about this and thought myself to be so weird. Why do I never feel these things in my own life, why do I only enjoy reading about it sometime? I’ve been wondering about what’s wrong about me for my whole life (I’m 37) and then I read about both asexuality and aromanticism in December and it has given me a whole new perspective on my life. And also this community - to know that others are feeling similar and have similar experiences, that means a lot to me. ?

I relate so much to what you say. Always felt appart from everyone different, weird. I had friends wwho couldn't accept that I wasn't interested in having relationshi and hurt me so much.

I also found out a few months ago about aromanticism  and just by reading about it I just knew that was me. I am 39. For the asexuality actually it never was important to me I have never see sex as somthing important in life.

Hello and Welcome in this forum.

Happy 5th anniversary ?

I am aroace but not agender. I am a woman who is different from other women, don't have the same interests, don't want the same things in life. I don't dream about love, romance, having babies, having a partner. I am just a woman who want to live her dreams, travel, read, learn more and more things in her life but all by on my own not with someone else. 

Hello welcome in arocalypse !! It is always great to have one more member. Being young doesn't mean that it is too early to already look for who you are if you think that you have to and like @Blakehas said if you feel like you are aro for now but change your mind later it doesn't matter. Feel free to just be yourself ☺️

I don't mind romantic things in tv, books, music or wherever but I have not interest for it in my life not even a platonic relationship. So I guess I may be romance indifferent too. I am also bored when there is too much romance in movies and it just annoys me when they put romance out of nowhere in a movie when it has absolutely no sense.

I am wondering if someday I meet someone that interests me I would try to have a relationship or not but I have to say that until now I can't even imagine this situation happening. I stay open and will see what will come to me. I've never had romance advances in my life by anyone so I don't even know how I would react. 

2060

Hello, 

It is hard to say if you are aro or not as you say it is really up to you.

Maybe try to figure out how you felt when you used to think about him or was with him  and try to see if it was different than when you were with very closed friends. I heard that romantics feel something different. If you have some friends that you are confortable to talk about that, try to ask them how they feel when they are in love: butterfly in the stomach, the heart goes faster, they miss this person and think about her/him all the time...

I hope that you will find your answers, it may takes time :-D

Hello Happy pride month to everyone !! ?

Welcome and Happy pride month to you too. :-D

Hello, 

It is hard to tell, only you can know that. I could say : Just give you some times.

As long as you feel ok with who you are there is no problem of not being sure of your orientation. It takes time for some people to be sure. And if later you change your mind about your orientation it is ok too. There is nothing wrong with that. You can think that you are greyromantic for now and find out later that you are aro or whatever orientation will feel right at this time. 

Myself I have confused many times romantic attraction with aesthetic attraction but everyone is different.

"you don't want to be happy" ??‍♀️

Hello Bellum! Welcome ?

Hello and welcome.

I am aromantic but understand that it is difficult to identify as romantic or aromantic. Sometimes it takes a while to really know who we are or just really identify as one or another. 

Feel free to be just who you are!!! The most important if for you to be happy whatever people around you think. ? (I know it is not always easy)

Hello and welcome in the forum. ?

1 hour ago, WriteOfPassage said:

@ErederynIt's a sci fi about superhuman kids belonging to a school filled with rigid social hierarchies and class systems. It's a dual perspective following a lower class girl who turns school life upside down when she begins publishing journals documenting another students experience at the school, among other things, while trying not to get caught. And a high class boy who tries to climb the social ladder through the chaos and rebellion while maintaining order and vying to keep his position. It's messy. Theirs n

@Nessa Yeah I will. Not particularly soon, but I will try to get it edited and published. And, of course, I'd love to talk about it.

Great! This sounds like a very interesting story. ?

I love dogs but also other animals. I have plants but my flat is too small to have a dog now and I couldn't afford it anyway. Younger I used to have turtles and grew up with dogs. 

I am hoping to have a house one day with a garden and a dog. 

Hello and Welcome ? I am also aroace. I am french, 38 yo. I found out about aromanticism only a few months ago and feel really confortable with this term. It feels like I finally know who I am.

I'd love to talk more about it if you want too.

Writing a book must be such an exciting thing to do! Are you going to get it publish when it will be finished? 

Hello and Welcome ?

Welcome ?

Hello and Welcome ?

On 5/15/2021 at 1:47 AM, roboticanary said:

I realise now that whenever I made serious plans for the future I always worked on the assumption that I would be living alone and as self sufficient as I could be. I remember when I first went to university and I was making sure I learnt all the cooking things I wanted before I left, my grandad joked that I should 'just find myself a woman for that'.

This was also a thing when I was first looking for places to live, the thought of having a bit more space incase someone moved in with me just never occured to me and I only found out that was unusual when a friend visited and asked me what I would do if I got a girlfriend. 

When I was at school and wondering what to do with my life I had no problem with moving way across the country or even going abroad. Someone I knew asked me what if I was with someone who wanted to stay local, I shrugged and said I would just leave. He looked at me like I was crazy and I never really understood why.

Each thing on its own didn't seem of any meaning but when I think back on it I did really just not consider the possibility that I would end up in a romantic relationship.

I so relate to what you have said. 

I have never imagined myself in a relationship, never occured to me that this could happen. I have always made plans for myself and still do it. 

The thought of someone living with me just don't cross my mind. I really can't picture it. ??‍♀️ 

Switzerland ot is way too cold for me in Sweden.

Would you rather read minds or time travel?

On 2/13/2021 at 2:48 AM, Spark_TheDemiboyRat said:

I'm almost always lonely. I'm not really sure why, but it even happens when I'm with other people. It's kinda weird...

I relate to that too. I always feel like I don't belong with people. So finally I prefer being alone. Spend most of time at home. Most of people don't understand my aromantism so it is hard to make friends especially as I always am the one being hurt at the end. I only have a few friends now. My best friend understand s my aromantism and is always there for me she is the first person I ever met who did. 

I guess I got used of being alone and maybe it is better being alone that being with people making pressuring me and hurting me because they don't accept that aromanticism exists.

Hello,  I am about to be 39 and I am doing great, enjoying life by trying to do many things, learn always more, travel when I can. I have good friends who are there for me when I need them especially one. And now I have decided to try to realise my childhood dream to be an actress. I am doing so many things, have tried plenty of things before. And never get bored. I have this freedom by being aromantic do not have to take in consideration anyone else so my time is 100% for me to do whatever I want, whenever I want. The only thing that stops me is money ? I wish I could travel more and even get the opportunity to live in other countries : I have spent 11 months in Ireland and 3 months in Peru when I was younger and would very much like to have this opportunity again.

Sorry for my english.

Hello, 

Don't worry it is normal that you are so hurt. Friendship is a kind of love and because it is not romantic love doesn't make it less important.

We don't feel romantic love but it is not the only kind of love that exists and we are able to feel all the others forms of love outside romantic love. Friendship is a long term relationship in a way and seeing it changing is difficult.

You thought that it would be only the two of you  and realising that it won't be like this is painful especially as you didn't see it coming.

If you feel that you need to talk to her then do, don't keep it for yourself it's only going to make things worst.

I think you need to know why her behaviour about dating changed all of a suden because you don't understand it and it would probably help you.

It could have many reasons why she changed but the only way to know is talking to her.

If you don't want to tell her about how you feel just ask her how come she changed her mind about it and maybe why she didn't tell you about it before. 

I hope that this could help you.

Just do whatever you think can help you feel better.

Sorry for my english hope this is understandable.

I hope that you will find the answers you need and feel better soon