Rainy Robin

@ArothrutheMoon Wow, that makes so much sense! You just described something that I've been struggling to articulate for a really long time now. Thanks for replying to this post :)

Also, I hadn't heard of aromid as a term until just now but it actually fits me really well. Thanks for bringing that up too! 

For animals, I think it should be frogs (maybe toads too, what do you all think?).

Thanks for starting this conversation here @Kadence! I came across a similar discussion of being both aro and polyamorous on AVEN awhile ago but it felt like a lot of people (mostly alloaces) were trying to speak for aros and it felt pretty invalidating to hear them argue that being aro and polyamorous are mutually exclusive. I've found the exact opposite to be true for me, in that I had a similar experience as you when discovering my aro identity. Realizing I'm also polyamorous was a natural progression that came from breaking down amatonormativity in myself as I got more comfortable identifying as aro. 

11 hours ago, BronFTW said:

There's just an abundance of stories about aros not wanting those relationships (which is valid), but it does give the impression that being aro means to not want a romantic relationship. It took figuring out that I was a sex favourable ace, then applying that same logic to aromantism, to slowly come to the conclusion that I might be aro.

It is interesting how there are comparatively way more conversations about sex-favorable aces than romance-favorable aros. I oftentimes wonder how much of that is because of the accessibility of the term aro? I would imagine that there are probably more romance-favorable aros out there who don't identify with the term simply because they haven't heard it before. 

11 hours ago, BronFTW said:

I wouldn't describe our relationship as overly romantic as we don't do valentines day, anniversaries, etc,. He's my best friend and most favourite person, I just like to be around him and want to spend my life with him. There's not much else to it really.

Thanks for sharing! It's really helpful to hear how others experience these things. :)

11 hours ago, BronFTW said:

wow, even just writing out 'I'm in a relationship and I love him' has started me doubting my aro-ness again...

Oops, sorry about that! Questioning can be so frustrating sometimes. 

Hello and welcome to Arocalypse!

4 hours ago, Jot-Aro Kujo said:

There's actually a term called arogender specifically for people who feel inclined to put a word to this phenomenon. Doesn't apply to me, but I thought I'd mention it in case people aren't aware.

Thanks for pointing this out!

4 hours ago, Jot-Aro Kujo said:

For a long time I thought I must have had heavy internalized misogyny despite my attempts to avoid those kinds of thoughts. Eventually I realized it wasn't that I disliked women, it was just that I disliked romance, and... It's pretty much impossible to find women in media in a non-romantic context. :/

This is such a good point, thanks for sharing! I'm trying to think of specific books or movies I've seen where there isn't any romance mentioned in women's storylines. It's so depressing that there aren't more good models for how womanhood doesn't have to be tied up to romance like how it's portrayed in most media. Do you have any recommendations of characters or media that has better representation? Most of the ones I can think of involve secondary characters or include romance in the plot in some way (ex. Hunger Games with Katniss, Harry Potter's Luna Lovegood).

2 hours ago, Finch said:

I have also found that my capacity to feel attraction varies from day to day and influences my relationship with gender as well. On days where I don't feel much attraction to anyone, I feel more agendered, but on days where I feel sexual attraction to women, I feel more female.

Thanks for sharing here! That sounds like a really unique and interesting experience. I love hearing about the interplay between sexuality, attraction, gender, and romantic attraction. I think it's such a nuanced topic and it's cool to see how those different elements interact. 

I've heard some people talk about how their aro identity is really important to understanding their gender. If you have a similar experience, I'd love to hear more about it! 

As an example, I've heard a lot of people who are aroace and agender say that they feel really disconnected from the entirety of gender because of their disconnect to romantic or sexual attraction. Since romance and sex are usually coded by society as very gendered, some aroaces feel alienated from gender and identify as agender instead. 

I think this is really interesting, and would love to hear how others approach it!

Hello and welcome to the community! ?

18 hours ago, nonmerci said:

I never really cared that much about my ace side. I don't feel the need to talk about it, to search about it, I don't have the feeling that it affects me that much. On the other hand, aromanticism affects my life in a lot of ways.

This makes a ton of sense, thanks for sharing! 

I came across the term "non-SAM aro" the other day and wanted to hear what others think about the term. Do you use it for yourself? If so, are there specific reasons you like the term? I don't fully understand the significance of it and I'd like to learn more!

For context, here is the non-SAM aro entry in the LGBT+ Wiki: https://lgbta.wikia.org/wiki/Non-SAM_Aro 

I've thought a lot about the question about having kids as well. I don't want kids of my own, but I think the idea of volunteering in some sort of youth mentorship program could be really cool. That way I could "parent" kids without actually being a parent. 

3 hours ago, Acecream said:

Like having “polyamorous” QPRs (Polyplatonic :D) or not at one time?

Exactly like a polyamorous QPR! From what I've heard about polyamory, it's more about intimacy (and not strictly sex and/or romance) with more than one person. I'm not active in the polyamorous community so I'm not sure if this is totally accurate to say, but I think it can be easy to make space for QPRs and other non-traditional relationships within the polyamorous framework. 

I just graduated uni as well, so I'm interested to see what others have to say here!

I don't really have many answers (I'm relatively new to identifying as aro) but I've been doing some research and I think I want some kind of alterous relationship or a QPR in the future. I'm not sure how formal the relationship might be, but I like the idea of maybe sharing a house with them and generally being there for each other. I would enjoy having maybe a couple of QPPs but I'm not sure how likely that is, given how few people seem to be looking for that kind of relationship. 

Hello and welcome! I'm glad that you've found this community and are feeling comfortable in your identity. 

Also, ecology and conservation sounds like such a cool combination of things to study. :) 

If you're aromantic and in a romantic relationship, I'd love to hear more about your experience! I don't think I've seen much discussion of this topic, but I'd love to hear how others have navigated these relationships. 

Hey ? I'm sorry you have to deal with all these feelings, but please know you're not alone! Discovering more about yourself can be beautiful, but that doesn't negate all the challenges that come with wanting to live authentically in a society that largely ignores your truth.

If I had to give any advice, I'd encourage you to learn more about other nonbinary people and gender nonconformity more broadly speaking. I found that seeing nonbinary, gnc, and trans people "in the real world' (even if it is just on social media!) also really helped me understand the complexities of identity, gender, and expression and how that might help me figure things out for myself. And having conversations with other trans and/or nonbinary people can certainly make you feel less alone (which can help you better handle dysphoria and find ways to alleviate it). 

Please feel free to PM me if you want to chat more :)  

Hello and welcome! I'm glad you've found this community, and I wish you luck figuring things out. ?

True, though it was not an experience I'd like to repeat!

TPBM enjoys hiking. 

This thread makes me so happy! Thanks for starting this conversation, @Acecream.  :)

To mirror what others have said, finding the aro label and the community comes with a profound sense of freedom to live life according to your own values. I'm thankful that learning about my aromanticism has encouraged me to be way more critical of society's expectations and scripts for how life is supposed to work and how people are supposed to find happiness. Having that new approach to figuring out what feels authentic to me is invaluable, and I think it would've taken me a lot longer to discover that had I not been aromantic or found the aro community. 

Hello and welcome to Arocalypse!

I don't have much to add, but I will say that if you're really interested in having a QPR or some kind of relationship with your squish it would be a good idea to sort out how you want to communicate that to her. Being honest about your feelings and finding a way to share that with her would be a good place to start. Good luck!

19 minutes ago, I.B. said:

Memory, decision-making, exploration, learning, etc. I like to straddle the line between psychology and neuroscience.

That's so cool! I had a chance to study some topics in the field of judgment and decision making, and it really blew my mind. Blending those ideas with neuroscience would make for an excellent grad program.

Hello! I'm glad you found this site, and I hope that the community can continue to be a good resource for you. :)
Psych is so interesting! I studied it in undergrad and can totally see why you'd want to pursue studying it further. What's your focus in your grad program?

Hello and welcome to Arocalypse! I hope this site helps you out. I've found it really nice to have a dedicated place to talk about aromanticism and arospec identities, so I hope you can find some clarity and talk with other people here. :)

Feel free to reach out if you want!

Hello and welcome! I'm glad you found this community. 

If you're looking for advice, I'd suggest you first read about people's experiences being aromantic (especially the "You might be aro if..." and "early signs you were aro" topics on this forum). The aro umbrella is quite nuanced and diverse, which can make it difficult to quickly determine if you're aro. I've found the most success reading about how others experience this orientation and then reflecting on how my experiences may mirror what I've read. 

5 hours ago, vinniebandit said:

What makes me wonder is the amount of influence that my upbringing/family attitudes had on my (?) behaviour (?) regarding relationships. It is quite possible that never or very seldom having seen family members would have had an imprint (not being able to replicate the kind of gestures/attitudes that romanticism implies).

I don't know much about your personal experience here, so I'll merely point out that attachment styles are unrelated to aromanticism. Aromanticism is about lacking or infrequently experiencing romantic attraction, rather than having a specific attachment style. I think reading the topics I mentioned earlier might help you out here!

Hello and welcome! I'm glad you've found this site and feel comfy here. :)