roboticanary

Usually I hate it. Anything not confirmed just seems to be waiting for a sequel where any representation I hoped for dies.

I suppose sometimes I can be happy projecting myself onto an ambiguous character but I would almost always prefer the writers to be open about what their character is.

You do, but the wish doesn't cover the bill. You now spiral into debt.

I wish I could shoot lasers out of my eyes

No, you are definitely not too young to identify as aro

I would put it like this, someone who was romantic could quite easily make that known at your age, so why would it be wrong to claim you don't feel that way.

Maybe you will bloom late, but put this in balance. I didn't even know of the term till my mid twenties which really sucks. Learning about aromanticism late on meant I was trying to navigate a world of love blind till then and making mistakes which could have been fixed knowing about aromanticism, for example understanding QPRs and why I felt awful with the idea of dating. As well as knowing I was not alone in being uncomfortable. You have a great opportunity because you are aware of aromanticism already.

So take that label, if it doesn't fit you later that's fine, but you have nothing to lose from trying it out. If it turns out you are aro though, by trying the label out and learning in aro spaces you get a great advantage from being aware and settled in your identity before you hit adulthood.

Well that's interesting. I knew Arocalypse had a lot of younger people on it but I didn't expect to feel that old.

What's really cool though is that i seem to be far later in terms of learning about the term. i know its a small sample but it seems like younger people are noticing their aro identity longer ago than some of us older folks given the comments. I feel like a recent discoverer learning about aromanticism in 2018.

I think what I would like from a deep friendship is the ability to drop in and out of each others lives and still seem as though we were picking up right where we left off. I have had one friendship I consider deep, a friend of mine who I knew from primary school, then moved country when I was about 9. Once when I went on holiday there we visited and it was as if we had never left. This was at an age where I didn't have my own phone, so while our parents had stayed somewhat in touch I had literally not said a word to him in over 3 years, but we still talked as if we had never left.

When his family moved back to the UK he joined the same secondary school as me and again, despite barely a word between us for years we instantly clicked. By the end of the day we were making plans for a barbecue at mine and inviting some of my other friends round.

1 is roleplay, not real, messing about and I wouldn't be surprised if she has separate feelings about romance as a concept to play about with to romance with her true self involved

2 is true of plenty of friends, think nicknames for example.

3 is something I have done with multiple friends without the thought of romance.

4 and 5 I am not sure, but could certainly see as something not necessarily romantic. They may be the sort of thing a comfortably romantic couple would do but are not romantic by themselves.

13 hours ago, Autumn said:

Ask maybe about how she sees the actions, what she wants from the relationship, etc.

This is the key, do that, Autumn gives great advice

This forum might help a bit but we don't know enough about you or her to deal with this

I remember one of the girls at school I was good friends with telling me that a few other people had said we were dating, saying 'but we're not, right?'.

I said 'I dunno, are we?'

I thought we were just good friends but apparently to a few people there was no rational explanation other than that we were dating.

After a few minutes conversation we came to the conclusion that we weren't dating. She rather awkwardly asked if maybe we should be. I, even more awkwardy, said I had no idea. In the end we decided, lets just not.

In hindsight it is so obvious to me that I was showing signs of being aro, I was completely unaware people were saying we were dating simply because I did not care about those sorts of rumours.

Hi

Fantastic job getting involved as a rep at uni, sounds great to have someone representing aromanticism there.

Hi

Fantastic news, that moment where it all clicks is so great

Sounds aro to me. I definitely have had that feeling of wanting to be protective of someone after sex.

Also remember this, you found an obscure forum on the subject of aromanticism to ask if you were. not many non aros would do that.

Hi

welcome. Glad you found us. Also a pleasant surprise that someone on r/relationships  directed you towards aromanticism. I wouldn't have expected that but it's great news.

To be selfish is to lack consideration for other people

so I reckon it is clear you are not selfish. you clearly are caring of what this hypothetical other person would want, and worry about how they feel, and talk about feeling bad for how you would treat them. That is very much not selfish.

Also since you say you would tell them about your aro-ness I don't think you would be cruel just because you can't love them back in the same way. They have been made aware of what they are getting into, and of course have the ability to back out if they decide it is not for them. I don't think that would be considered cruel.

10 hours ago, KLWiz1987 said:

Does anyone out there think that an asocial aro could find a partner or should seek a partner?

Could, I guess so. There's a lot of people around so there may be someone willing to engage in some form of relationship that would fit for someone asocial.

They would need to decide on the should part, is this something you desire- if so I guess give it a go. If you are not sure why you would want to do this, maybe take  break and think it through first.

11 hours ago, KLWiz1987 said:

Maybe a sociopath or narcissist who doesn't care whether their partner likes being around them?

I would put this as a bad idea though. I'm pretty sure sociopath involves having very little moral conscience and a lack of empathy. This is not just not caring if their partner is around, but something that could go very bad very quickly. Sure a sociopath might want to cohabit a person like that but it is worth adding that it still seems a pretty poor idea.

Hello, welcome.

I suppose it is one little ray of hope that I have heard all these stories about people taking time to work out who they are during this pandemic, being able to take some time for introspection.

fantastic, they sound really chill. 

No idea if you are doing the right thing.

I guess just give it a go, if it turns out to be a mistake, well, you learn from it and try something else next time.

As said before, only you can define you. QPR seems to be a good idea though based on what you are talking about and I am glad you are looking at it.

Anyways, welcome aboard

Not quite a million people, but I do get that idea of my life in some way being recorded. what would happen if people see me is a question I often ask myself. I think of a sort of second voice reporting on large chunks of my life.

2 hours ago, FaerySilverwings said:

I guess I was worried that I'd be rejected generally if I didn't find the correct word?

Glad I'm not alone in getting that worry.

I guess one side affect of having a community with a focus on finding labels is that if you aren't sure which one fits you it can make you feel like you might be cast out.

I am not sure but something isn't normal.

Throughout most of primary school and a fair part of secondary school I was told I had 'anger issues' and was sent for some sessions in anger management. What I suspect is that underlying mental issues got turned into a label that I simply had trouble controlling my anger which was something the school could justify putting someone to work to fix. In particular I got violent because something was seriously preventing me from dealing with a confrontation by talking it out. Honestly i am struggling to explain it now so long later.

To be fair dealing with it as anger issues was not a bad idea, the primary school in particular was a bit of a scummy place and could not justify detailed mental health for the kids, however they could get in someone to work with kids who were causing the most trouble and stopping us beating the crap out of each other so often.

A long time later I was talking to my mum about it, and she told me she had asked two of the people that had spent time with me on that if they though I was autistic. apparently one was not sure and the other said I was very likely to be. But as around the time she asked I was becoming less violent she decided to just not tell me and leave things alone.

Sometime I will get around to properly looking myself over and working out what my brain is like, but i guess I take after my mum in a way, until something goes badly wrong I am unlikely to put money or effort into working it out.

2 hours ago, SkyTuneRein said:

A small fraction of the activity, yet twice the welcomes I got on AVEN

Wow.

I have no idea what goes on at AVEN but I will say one of the things that really drew me in to this site was how kind the introductions were. Anyone who joins gets a nice little shower of welcomes and hellos, its great.

On 8/16/2020 at 2:56 PM, eatingcroutons said:

these days I just say "Nah, I don't do relationships."

Nice, I hope I can reach that stage of confidence in the future. at the moment I still get too angry about the arguments to be comfortable with that

On 8/15/2020 at 2:13 AM, Magni said:

I think using amato- works better than romance anyways because I think amatonormativity is thus able to more broadly include things in a way that isn't limited to romance.

Damn, great point there, I totally haden't thought about that but it works. 

To be honest any representation would do, just give me something

In particular I would like to see an old aro. someone who is not cast as a young adult coming to terms with their identity, but has got themself fairly sorted out over the years. knows what they want in life.

welcome

From what I have seen so far this forum is fairly chill. so no worries about not wanting to get involved in politics