nisse

Welcome!! and fuck i've heard about the situation in Poland. you can definitely rant here as much as you want!

@Cota you are extremely welcome to our community Cota!! and about coming out: i find it's a very funny thing, when we're aroace. i haven't ever really said the words "i am aroace" to anyone. i am very lucky with my family, but for me it would have been easier to be able to bring a person home and say i love this person, than to have to sit down and explain the complexities of (non)attraction. i hope you never feel pressure to come out before you're comfortable, and i hope if you do it goes as smooth as can be! and if you feel staying in the closet wearing on you, but you're not comfortable coming out, i hope you'll find comfort here ?

yep! in many ways they'll bond over this. i have a lot of conversations between them planned out about allo-romantic people. in a way the human character feels worse, bc they feel they should understand allo folks, being human. oh no! so, i was also partly inspired by Data in Star Trek: Next Generation. i love him and that show, but i was generally annoyed by his constant mission to become human. IIRC he mentions at times that that's his greatest wish, like a Pinocchio situation. My first note showing the idea for this reads something like "I LOVE DATA. Androids are for aroaces what monsters are for other outcasts". So my android here doesn't want to be human really. She's android, and she's pretty happy being an android. She's also pretty happy being aroace, and she knows she's a she. The human and the android are merely different personalities, but they gel well. The human isn't meant to be some kind of teacher of how to be human, though she might have to explain some stuff - i have little notes about weird stuff humans do. idk if you remember the Humans Are Space Orcs/Earth Is Space Australia that went around some years ago? little things we do that would seem weird if you look at it from an alien perspective. So the stuff she'd find confusing or weird would be played more as a joke, than as "look at the weird aroace". The human would show some of my own internal arophobia, and they would have some convos about being uncomfortable around romantic couples and such. keep in mind, i have no script yet, i'm still in the planning stages! i have two sketches and a bunch of notes and ideas oooh this is an excellent point! and while yes i am kind of hoping to drum up some interest here, any kind of (online) publication is a ways away yet!! i wouldn't be surprised if people have mostly forgotten this post whenever i get there ? thank you for your questions and insights! i'm finding a lot of this is worries i have as an aroace person as well (the fear of losing friends, they expectation of partnering up), i mostly really need to work on separation of sex and romance.

i just read it there and - yes, yes yes. you nailed it!! for sure bookmarking your blog for future musings - i've missed having the same kind of blogs and articles to read about identity within romantic stuff as there exists about gender and the complexities of that.

@Jot-Aro Kujo good points! thanks again

aaah amazing, ty! i'll remember i have you and Leton to hit up when the Gender Wave hits me again. and big agree on the expectation of sex not being a part of my life!!

@emmafriendly yes!! it's extremely interesting, and something i've wanted to bring up for a while - but none of the spaces i've been involved in have really been appropriate for it. but here it would be! i've a feeling it is partly what Oatpunk mentioned in their newbie post - the fact that being aro is seen like an extra step in the weird direction, from aceness. not to say misunderstandings of asexuality and harrassment doesn't happen there, but i believe people are more willing to respect no sexual attraction, over no romantic attraction. also the fact that asexuality, for me, was MUCH easier to figure out than aromantic. romantic attraction is extremely hard to define (you know.... parts of me don't wholly believe in it, lmao. that's the dark corners of my mind, tho), while sexual attraction is so physical and easy enough to identify. i do have a lot of thoughts about this, and not having any (AFAIK) aro friends irl is a bit hard sometimes, more so than not having ace friends. i've said elsewhere, but i'm sure my allo-rom friends don't understand me - which is fair, bc i don't understand them

@Jot-Aro Kujo thank you for such an in-depth answer! this is extremely helpful, in part because i gotta be honest, i've wondered about those questions too - and i've caught myself many times having a hard time separating sex from romance, despite finding it not at all difficult separating romance from sex (in the case of aces who have romantic relationships). that is also partly why they are allosexual - i want to challenge that ingrained thought in myself and in others. if i can ask a somewhat personal question - which you are of course free to not answer! - would you personally, ideally want one or more long term sexual partners, if you could be guaranteed no romance would be involved? again thank you so much, this was very helpful, not in the least to help me solidify the character a bit!

@Leton. thank you! i do find comfort in the flag for what it represents, but aesthetically i'm not big on it. please forgive me, aro gods ? haha and awesome, i may hit you up one day!

@Leton. thank you Leton! that's good to know at least. i might come back hee and workshop them a little more, once the characters are more established! so far this forum is cooler just on the basis of having more than the like reaction to posts ^^ and thank you!

aaah it's so validating to se more people who consider their aroness a bigger part of themselves than their aceness. i think part of it for me as well is that who or whether i have or do not have sex with is very private - even though the act of sex isn't even the main thing with aceness. it's weird!! but ALSO this!!! i've never thought about it, but this is so true. romantic love is viewed as such an intrinsic part of humanity. uuuugh.

an excellent point, if kind of sad (that there is so little). honestly, this is kind of why i asked for headcanons. i only have one character i view as aro-allo (Miranda, from Black Sails), and she is excellent, but the text for sure wants her to be allo-romantic as well (and this is in a show with many queer characters, including one ace one, that shows that without using modern labels (as it's set in the golden age of piracy)). i guess i could lay out what i have of them so far? they are NB, and aro-bi. very outgoing and flirty (as an opposite to their android friend), who likes their encounters but doesn't want serious relationships. i'm toying with the idea of giving them multiple, long term partners. they're not sex-crazy (and as you say, some allos are, and that's extremely valid!), but they enjoy sex and they know what they want, and they're very comfortable with not co-habitating with a partner or having a QPR. i'm still drafting their background and such, but they're the daily manager at a cafe-bar (hence the barista/bartender title), one of those extremely ~ cool ~ people who is also very likable, simply bc they like people. they can have difficulties realising when people aren't interested in socialising, and can be a bit too blunt at times. I'm thinking their family culture is such that that's necessary; when they grew up there wasn't room for subtext and interpret actions. kind of based off of my sister, in that whenever we go out together she always bumps into someone she knows.

figured i should introduce myself as well, and not just write a post and run hahaha. Hi! I'm Pigie/nisse, i'm 24, soon-to-be art student, and i have known i was aroace since i was about 17? took a bit longer to accept it tho, lol. I have always felt a much stronger connection with the aro label than the ace label, however i recently discovered some people use aroace as a whole label (and there's a flag! a much nicer looking one than the aromantic one - i know, i'm sorry. i'm just not big on green ? ), as opposed to aro/ace - and honestly that's me!! same hat!! i am the whole thing. i also heavily identify with queer as a label - i am hella queer, and it's nice to use that when i want to make clear that i'm not straight, but i'm not up for educating people on the whole aroace thing lol. i'm also toying around with some gender labels - hence the mess of pronouns. i'm trying to figure it out, as it's been on my mind a long time. so if you're NB and would be willing to chat gender with me, please say hi! i have many thoughts. so hello, fellow aromantics! i'm so happy to be here.

Hi folks! This is a cross-post from the AVEN forums, as i was told this forum might be a bit better for what i'm looking for (i had no idea this forum even existed, and i'm a proud aroace :0 ) Copy-pasted from here: a commenter on the original post had concerns with the aroace character being an android, and i just want to reiterate that i am aware of the stereotype, i am myself aroace, and this project is in part very personal to me and my experience of the world - hence the reference to the ADHD Alien!