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About blanketqueencas

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  • Birthday 02/16/1997

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    College Student

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  1. Two of my friends started dating recently and I'm happy for them, really. However, I often feel like they're walking on eggshells around me. There have been several moments where I'm in the school's LGBTQIA+ Resource Center with the two of them, sometimes with other people, sometimes without, not really paying a lot of attention to them, which is normal for that space and our friend group. Then suddenly they'll be asking if I'm uncomfortable and apologizing for it and saying they'll try to have less PDA around me. I've never seen them do this to anyone else, and I am the only one of their friends who is aromantic. However, I've also never expressed discomfort with what they're doing, and often times I didn't even realize what they were doing was a relationship thing until they started fussing. Does anyone else have issues with this when they're friends are in relationships? How do you get them to stop?
  2. I'm not a huge fan of the term "tertiary attraction" because, as stated above, it does make it sound like it's not quite equal to romantic and sexual attraction. At the same time, I don't have any ideas as to what we should be saying instead, so it will work for now. Personally, I experience platonic and aesthetic attraction the most. I often see queerplatonic attraction treated as a synonym for platonic attraction, and I appreciate that they are differentiated here. I very frequently will experience platonic attraction as a desire to be friends with a specific person, but that doesn't mean I want to be in a QPR with them, so I appreciate the distinction. I also agree that grouping them together is a good thing. They aren't the same, but they're treated similarly, so hopefully if we put them under one umbrella it will make it easier to advocate for all of them.
  3. I'm not out to my parents, mostly because I stopped speaking to them before I figured out I was aroace. But I did come out to my brother and my grandfather. My brother needed me to explain what "asexual" and "aromantic" meant, but was generally accepting, if a bit skeptical. (When I defined "sexual attraction" for him he said that wasn't a real thing). My grandfather surprised me. I didn't expect him to know what "asexual" or "aromantic" meant, so I came prepared to do the whole speech and everything. But he said he already knew what those words meant, and ultimately he just wanted me to be happy. It was surprising, but easily my most positive experience coming out. He died a few months after that, so I ended up being really glad I told him. It's good to know he was on my side.
  4. It took me forever to figure out I was aro. I'd started to think I was on the ace spectrum when I was 16 or 17, but I didn't figure out I was aro until a few years later. What ended up happening is less that I realized I was aro, and more that I decided I was. I'd been having a rough time, and I was really frustrated with a lot of things, so I ended up making some changes. One of those changes was, I didn't want to be questioning anymore. I'd been trying to figure out where I fit on the ace and aro spectrums for a while at that point, and I was kind of frustrated with it. So I decided that I would be "asexual aromantic until proven otherwise" with the idea that I would call myself aroace and if I felt I was attracted to someone later on I would figure it out then. It's been almost three years since then and I still consider myself aroace, so I'd say that worked pretty well from me. TL;DR trying to "prove" I wasn't attracted to people was way to difficult, so I gave myself permission to be aroace, with the knowledge that it wouldn't be a big deal if I had to change that label later on.
  5. I get something like this too sometimes. For me, it tends to be more individual, but I've figured it's mostly just "wow I'm so happy I got to know this person. I'm so lucky they're my friend". That at least feels right to me in my case. That could be what's going on?
  6. I think the white ring for aromantic folks is still a thing, but it's not super well known because aromantic people tend to lack community, and queer folks who aren't aromantic rarely know our symbols. I have a white ring I wear stacked with a black ring on my left middle finger, since I'm aroace. Also, with the flag thing, I have seen a few versions with yellow or orange, often in place of the white stripe, but honestly I'm not a huge fan of them. I like the version we tend to use now. But a lot of people I know were confused by the varying flags until I clarified it for them, and even I felt like I was taking a guess.
  7. I like AURA and ACARE as acronyms. I also think AAN would work, but only if you say the individual letters ("A-A-N" instead of "an").
  8. As much as I think we need more visibility, I don't think anyone should feel like they have to come out to promote the visibility of their orientation. It wouldn't be a bad reason, but I don't want anyone to feel pressured to come out, for any reason. That being said, I'm out to most of my friends, and some of my acquaintances and I won't lie, the reason I tend to be so out while at school in particular is in part because I'm an education major and my classmates really need to know this stuff. They rarely know anything about my sexual and romantic orientations especially, and I figure if they're going to be aphobic, they might as well do it to someone like me who can tell them why they need to stop, and not to one of their future students.
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