TripleA

It's only happened today, but I cannot go on the homepage of this site, it just brings me an error saying that the page isn't working and that the site is 'currently unable to handle this request', but I can access the rest of the site fine. I can't reload the page either because it comes up with the same thing. it says HTTP error 500 beneath it. I even tried clearing my cache as well, but I still get the error. 

I also cannot access my Profile page either, it just comes up with: [[Template core/front/profile/profile is throwing an error. This theme may be out of date. Run the support tool in the AdminCP to restore the default theme.]] 

I don't know, but I couldn't imagine being so obsessed with a person like that. Now I understand that crushes are just as intense as they are in books, movies, TV, etc. and that I don't really feel that way when I "crush" on someone, I just stare because I like looking at hot chicks, and I only really think about a woman a lot when I experience alterous attraction to her.

I mean I don't think you necessarily have to want to kiss someone to be romantically attracted to someone, kissing could also be seen as purely part of sensual or sexual attraction as well (I view kissing in these ways). If you really think you've had romantic attraction, especially more than once, then that does make you alloromantic (I would guess biromantic).

I think because you thought you were aromantic for so long, you rejected the idea of ever having romantic attraction, and were not open to the fact that you could develop it in the future (not the case for aros, obviously, but for allos who thought they were aro before developing roamntic attraction). This is where some people go wrong in the process of discovering their sexual or romantic orientation, and it's not a bad thing to be wrong sometimes. Sometimes, humans are not so patient, or we think it's right at the time. True, they could be right down the line, but it doesn't always go that way.

I am not 100% sure I am aro myself, I am still questioning and going through my feelings however, I was in one romantic relationship (quite a short one) and it did not end well, as I had no romantic feelings whatsoever and it felt awkward and uncomfortable. The thing is, most romantics have to go through a few relationships to find 'the one', and I'm open to the fact that maybe I just haven't found someone I have romantic attraction to yet, despite being 18 years old and had sexual attraction since the age of 15, and that's fine.

This is pretty much why allo people will say to Aros, "You will find the one someday" (I've had it before), and it can be true for most people, including those who think they are one thing but turn out to be another thing entirely, but not for Aros. It's annoying, but yeah. Romantics won't understand aromanticism much anyway, and then there's the whole anormativity thing.

I think it is harder to determine if you're Aro and/or Ace when you're below say 16-18, since you are still developing, and some people do develop late in some cases (like I did), but it's different for different people. 

You just gotta 'go with the flow' and do what you want, because there's the whole 'the heart wants what it wants' thing

On 7/30/2019 at 3:05 PM, Cristal Gris said:

 

- woven aro = aro tissé(e)

 

 

I have no idea what a "woven aro" is in English

On 7/30/2019 at 3:05 PM, Cristal Gris said:

 

- angled aroace = aroace angulaire

 

Same with this one

On 7/30/2019 at 3:05 PM, Cristal Gris said:

 

- sol'aro and prim' aro stay the same, but unit aro is "aro unitaire"

 

( I also want to learn walloon but right now i don't know much about it. I don't even know if anything was said about it in this language )

 

These too

On 7/30/2019 at 3:05 PM, Cristal Gris said:

 

- aro spectrum : spectre aro

- aspec = spectre a (i guess ? )

 

I've seen French speakers just say aspec/arospec like in English (I'm a French learner)

In Russian, Aromantic and Asexual are pretty much how they sound or are spelt, but with the Cyrillic alphabet. 

*brings up Russian keyboard*

Asexual - асексуал { aseksual }

Sexual - сексуал { seksual } (could use this for allosexual, I guess, there might be a separate term for it)

Aromantic - аромантик { aromantik }

Romantic - романтик { romantik } (could use this for alloromantic, I guess, there might be a separate term for it)

In the Russian language, the letter c is only used for the 's' sound and the letter x is only used for the 'kh' sound, which replaces the 'h' sound in English pretty much (think of the ch at the end of loch).

for example, Homosexual would be spelt like, 'хомосексуал' { khomoseksual }.

It's hard to choose for me, because my wants for companionship don't really fit one box only. 

I am not 100% sure but I feel like I would be happy in a strong friendship with sex and affection/Sexual QPRs. 

From what I've tried, the thought of going to meet someone for onetime sex makes me nervous and having been in a romantic relationship (a short one) I found it very awkward and restricting. It was uncomfortable for me to even call her my girlfriend. 

So, a little while ago, Paul Joseph Watson (the creator of the term 'soy boy', and a British right wing commentary YouTuber) made a video named, "Love is a Mental Illness".

(It's best to watch the full video to get a good understanding as to what Paul is talking about.)

Video linked here:

https://youtu.be/HbagBeqClwo

In summary, he explains how the beginnings of humans experiencing romantic attraction are similiar to that of people taking drugs and getting a high, as well as how social media is preventing us from finding long term, stable relationships that lead us to marrying and having children, with dating apps and online dating as a whole on the rise - this is leading people to pursue romance less and less. 

We also see a rose-tinted form of romance in many books, TV shows, movies, art, etc. Where as, before, romance was seen as bad, and plays like Romeo and Juliet would have been seen as a warning of what romance love/attraction can do to someone's mental state. 

Not to mention that when humans experience romantic attraction, it is an unhealthy obsession with one person, they must know every little thing about that person, and they must possess them for themselves. It's almost an act of greed. 

To my knowledge, this lack of interest for love/relationships is prominent in Japan, where it has partly taken a toll on the birth rate in the country, due to less people having children and getting married. More and more Japanese people are seeing no point in marriage or dating, citing porn, virtual girlfriends and one night stands as ways they satisfy their needs instead. 

This video by The Infographics Show touches on this, and other reasons why Japan's population is slowly shrinking.

Video linked here: 

https://youtu.be/3tiqNlrUsHE

Maybe this is/will be the case in other countries such as Germany, where the birth rate is also low. Developed countries as a whole usually have lower birth rates than undeveloped countries, therefore may also not see the point in marriage or relationships.

However, don't get this modern form of celibacy confused with Aromanticism; they may still have romantic attraction, but only use quick fixes or alternatives to satisfy their romantic wants. 

Remember probably around 1% of the world population (so only around 7 million) is Aromantic, similar to Asexuals (maybe it's even rarer seeing as not all Asexuals are also Aromantic), however there are currently no studies that suggest an estimate of the Aromantic population. 

It is important to note, that this is just addressing romantic love, NOT platonic or familial love. Also, it is known that long term, stable, romantic relationships/marriages can make both parties happier in life. 

So, all of this raises some interesting questions: 

Yes, romantic love can be seen as necessary on a biological standpoint, but if someone does not want to have children, is romance and marriage really necessary?

Why legally bind yourself to someone when you will be restricted to one person and have less freedom and more responsibilities? Maybe for more financial stability? 

If someone does want to have children, does raising children with friends or non-romantic partners seem more logical than risking their mental health by pursuing romance? 

Are those who are Aromantic less susceptible to mental illness because they don't need/want to pursue romantic relationships, therefore won't suffer the pain of rejection, the friendzone or a breakup?

Maybe we should look into alternatives to romantic relationships to satisfy our needs instead of putting ourselves up for failure a lot of the time?

Should we refrain from using social media or dating apps to pursue romance?

Tell me your thoughts.

Eh, I like reading it in fanfiction (usually gay), but I'm more indifferent. I just don't use micro labels too much. I don't understand it that much, and not sure what the actual point of it is. In some instances, however, I see it as stupid like how people will stay with bad partners just because they "love" them or when it becomes an unnecessary sub plot in stories. 

So, recently (like a few days ago), I accepted to be in a relationship with a girl which is long distance (she's in Russia, I'm in England).

I've always seen her as just a good friend, and I care about her a lot, but feel nothing romantically, but she really loves me in that way. She does also look gorgeous but, because I see her as just a good friend, I wouldn't really have sex with her. 

It's just awkward atm, because whenever she says, "I love you", I can't say it back, because I don't wanna lie to her. You're supposed to tell the truth, right?

I only accepted just to see if I could be in a romantic relationship, and also because I didn't want to upset her. I only really enjoyed the sexual roleplay we've had together. I enjoy reading smut/lemon stuff even when it's not lesbian, arrest me ahshs

Maybe I'm speaking too soon, but I'm not sure this will last long. 

Also, I told her that I had somewhat of an alterous connection with this older woman I see often, and she thinks that I love her romantically, when (while she is fit, and maybe I'd have sex with her, but I doubt it because she has a boyfriend and has just had a kid) I only see her as a good friend. This is similar to the alterous connection I had with my teacher back when I was 12/13. 

I didn't say "alterous", but I said I got attached to this woman, and that I get attached to older women more easily, and that it's happened before. 

So, she's a bit down about that (it 'broke her heart') She says that people experience romantic attraction differently and, while it is sort of true, I just think that maybe I don't feel it at all.

I made it clear that I didn't think I experienced romantic attraction to the woman, just that I was unsure why I thought about her a lot and that I have an unusually strong emotional connection to her. 

I know that some Aros can be in a romantic relationship without the attraction and be fine, but I don't think I can. It's too awkward. 

What do you think?

On 7/13/2019 at 11:34 AM, eOrion said:

? that's awesome!! Amazingly well-done! ♥

Thanks 

bc why not. Here's a link to the picture https://aminoapps.com/c/aroaceunited/page/blog/i-finished-it/PYqr_g0tmudRxPB6gxp4W1vmo7LlqGPXdN

On 6/30/2019 at 1:38 PM, Herbe de provence said:

Hello !

I'm curious, is there any french people on Arocalypse ? And if yes do you know any ressources about aromanticism in french ?

Anything I find on aromanticism is Always in English so...

If you are on Amino, the LGBT+ France Amino has some great wikis on Aromanticism and other things like sensual and alterous orientations, etc. in French, and are quite helpful (I'm actually just a French learner). 

https://aminoapps.com/c/lgbt-france/page/item-category/catalog-item-category-dictionnaire-lgbt/pYpj_npSJTR2XqnMlrN60Bpj4vgMZX8v04ue

On 6/15/2019 at 10:52 AM, Spacenik86 said:

We need a word for purely sexual attraction without a romantic component.

YES, I always have to use 'crush' in quote marks, but it still feels weird because crush is primarily romantic, but I have no other word to describe it.

18 hours ago, Spacenik86 said:

Some people here mentioned having a "lush". What on Earth is that?

I think it's a sensual version of a crush?? Like you just want to touch someone? I've not seen something like that before.

On 6/16/2019 at 5:24 AM, Coyote said:

 

Fun fact, while I don't know if anyone still uses this, the original squish thread made reference to calling this a "smash."

This is confusing me now. Even if we used this definition, there is no mention of sexual attraction. 

lol why is everyone being so oversensitive, chill. 

So in the last half an hour to an hour, I've coined a few Aro terms, which I think would be cool to share. Keep in mind, I was drinking a can of Strongbow (cider) while making these up. These terms sort of relate to cupid and archery. 

Bows & Aros 

Allromantics - Bows

Aros...well..Aros

Alternatively Beaux & Aros (pronounced Bow and Aros)

in the UK, someone may call their male partner their "Beau" (pronounced Bow), in a romantic relationship, which means Handsome in French, and the x at the end makes it plural.

Strong Bow (or Strong Beau)

The more dominant person in the romantic relationship. They usually will initiate most dates, pay bills, be the big spoon when spooning and initiate affection. They will take good care of their partner, and are protective of them.

Soft Bow (or Soft Beau)

The more submissive person in a romantic relationship. They usually are the ones to receive affection, have bills paid for them, be protected and looked after by their partner, be the little spoon when spooning, etc. 

Strong Aro

A strong Aro is more repulsed by romantic relationships, and things of that nature. Think of an arrow, that is very strong and durable, being more likely to hit romance and succeed, like destroying any chance of them being in a romantic relationship, or being against romantic relationships, if that makes sense. Like destroying cupid's spells.

Soft Aro

A soft aro is really interested in romance such as in books, TV, movies, etc. They like romantic aspects such as dates, or they just really love romance in theory, even if they don't experience romantic attraction themselves. Think of a soft arrow being less likely to destroy cupid's spells, and being less against romance in general.

13 hours ago, Coyote said:

 

 

what?

 

 

I'm referring to Asexual Alloromantics, as they have more luck in being in a normal relationship without sex. It's more likely.

So...I am (possibly) Aromantic.

Sounds easy enough to understand, right?

Well, I'm also a lesbo (code: I'm a homosexual). This makes things harder.

I don't "crush" the way others do. I just want sensual, emotional and sexual closeness to a girl. The romantic part I can live without, I don't get anything out of it and, in some cases, it can make me feel a bit uncomfortable. Being touched is something that I am very particular about (btw I am autistic). 

So I don't feel that I can be in a normal relationship because every relationship is romantic in some way (like a dating relationship), even Aces are ok in this realm. However, I feel like I would just let the other girl down.

On the other side of the coin, whilst they sound great in theory, I cannot do QPRs because 1. not many people will know about them and 2. remember the sexual part? Yeeah that's a problem. On top of that, my alterous attraction is very sparse, it's only happened twice.

What I want:

- affection (give affection) but with limitations like I don't like the idea of holding hands.

- sex 

- eventually someone to have kids with 

- someone I can trust

That's it. Hopefully someone in this world, other than me, also feels this way but idk. 

I don't think Smash is really out of attraction, it just seems like you would really hate the person. And I don't understand how the word expansion relates to the meaning.

No, not really. I don't have squishes a lot, if at all. I only experience sensual and sexual attraction when I see someone I like. I just don't have a drive to actively find friends. I don't want to have sex with my friends.

1 hour ago, Jot-Aro Kujo said:

Really? Do you really have to bring this discourse here? Haven't we all seen it enough?

I'm not trying to cause trouble, it's just to see people's opinions. 

I want to see if anyone else agrees with me without all the backlash.

On 6/7/2019 at 4:36 PM, Coyote said:

 

"Every aro"? Wow. I'd like to know who's been saying stuff like that.

Well I've not seen any that say they haven't had any squishes before

I am Autistic, so the idea of friends is very different and not as interesting to me, I was also heavily bullied as child as well, so I am used to and find enough enjoyment with being by myself.

I say I have crushes on girls, but not really romantically, just sexually and sensually, sometimes emotionally, but not often (however I'm not 100% sure yet with romantic stuff), but I have never acted in any way like romantic people act around their crushes when wanting to be someone's friend, and not for crushes either. I don't have an overwhelming desire to be someone's friend.

They just become my friend if I see them and hang around them often and if we are interested in talking to each other and sharing interests and time together and having a laugh (however it's quite hard for me to call people my friend usually bc trust issues). 

I've heard that every Aro pretty much has squishes but I don't think I do??

YMBAI when you have a crush, all you can think of is 'I wanna bang her', or ' she's so fit' (more aromantic allosexuals)

YMBAI when you have a crush, that person is never on your mind like everyone says so or what's in all the books, movies, TV shows, etc. 

YMBAI when you don't really get nervous or act too differently around a crush or when talking about them

YMBAI dates (like candlelit dinners, eating only at fancy, expensive restaurants) seem pointless or too extravagant for you, and you'd rather just cuddle, eat food and watch a non-romantic TV show or movie. 

YMBAI Valentine's Day is completely pointless to you, and you only see it as a marketing scam like Christmas, except there's nothing to celebrate in your mind, surely you should love and care for your s/o the whole year and not just 1 day, right? 

YMBAI you see eating out with someone as a typical thing to do with friends (even with the opposite sex - I swear to god, I went out to eat at KFC with my best friend who was male like 3 years ago and everyone thought we were a couple and that it was a date, which was very difficult for me to understand)

YMBAI you can't tell what falling in love is like. 

YMBAI you find romantic side plots in books, TV shows and movies pointless, when the story is not about romance.

YMBAI you'd rather read sex scenes in a story than a romantic scene (aromantic allosexuals, and I only said read because all sex scenes in shows and movies 9/10 times are awkward as hell).

YMBAI you don't understand how bad the friendzone is to allos, like rejecting someone isn't hard at all, and being rejected yourself isn't a big deal, like even if I am really attracted to a girl, and I want to go out with her, I don't get heartbroken at all if that can't happen (that's usually the case), and you move on quickly.

YMBAI being friends with someone instead of being in a relationship with them is just as good, if not better. 

YMBAI you don't fully understand how bad a breakup is for others, you move on quickly. 

YMBAI you never considered romance as important in your life and would rather focus on other things like your career/education/dreams.

On 4/16/2016 at 1:59 PM, Lynx said:

YMBAI you do actually have an Okcupid account, but inspired entirely by that "Cats of Okcupid" post in the hope that someone gets a laugh out of it.

 

But hell yeah, give me a "dating" site that lets me find friends, nesting partners and cuddle buddies.

On 4/28/2016 at 1:48 AM, morallygayro said:

Food is a good reason to do anything tbh

Yesssss mood

Thank god I hate everyone being like, "Oh my god being in love is the best and purest thing in the world!"