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How do i know if i'm aro?

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Hello everyone, that's my first time being here. I'm a female, my name's Eva and i'm asexual. Lately i started wondering if i might be aromantic too. This started months ago when i thought i was experencing a crush. After 3 months i realised that i didn't really want to get involved with the guy romantically and that i was platonically attracted to him not romantically or sexually. The thing is, i always feel uncomfortable when it comes to romance, i mean at first it's okay, i wanna be close to someone, i wanna make a strong bond between myself and the other person which will be more than a regular friendship but less than a romantic relationship. That is something i'm always confused about.. cause i'm sweet with the person and then they start liking me and they get hurt by me and i really don't want that.. I don't mean to make them think i'm romantically attracted to them. Whevever someone told me that they like me, i tried to like them back but it doesn't fit.. i just can't.. relationships are not something i wanna have in my life, although i'm confusing romantic attraction with pratonic and aethetic attraction, i've been confused about this one SO many times. But i think what i've experienced is a squish not a crush.. Any help? I don't know what to do or think, i'm so confused... Thank you!

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Hello Eva and welcome to Arocalypse! I'm gonna be honest, this isn't a question that can be easily answered. Not to mention, I actually have quite the opposite problem! I know I'm Aromantic, but I'm confused on whether I'm Asexual, Heterosexual, or somewhere in between. I'm not sure if you've seen, but there is actually an entire list of romantic orientations on Arocalypse:

Perhaps you'll find that you can relate a lot to one of the descriptions. One thing that makes this difficult is that there are many types of Aromantics. There are Aromantics that like cuddling and there are Aromantics that hate cuddling (like me!). There are Aromantics that love romance movies while other Aromantics hate them. The only thing that makes someone aromantic is if they just don't experience that romantic attraction and from what you've described, it doesn't sound like you do. I've seen a lot of stories on here where aromantics have been in relationships for months or even years before they realized that they were never really romantically attracted to the other person at all. It's normal because we grow up thinking that we need to find "the one" and that can lead to us misinterpreting our feelings towards another person as something romantic. I probably didn't answer everything but I hope I was able to help 🙂

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@Emerald Cheetah Thank you so much for answering!! i thought nobody's gonna give me an answer.. That was really helpful i'm SO grateful to you! <3

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Hey 🙂 I kind of have the same problem as you. I've been trying to figure out what my romantic orientation is for the past few years, but it's been so incredibly complicated. I think I'm aromantic, but it's hard to be sure. It's really, really difficult to try and figure out if you don't feel something when you have no idea what the feeling you're missing out on feels like. I also completely get what you're saying about not wanting to lead people on unintentionally. I don't mean to, but nowadays its like you can't even be friendly with a guy or he'll start wanting more. But maybe that's just me; I live in Los Angeles, the guys here are wack. Anyways, I can't really give you advice because I'm still really young and haven't got much experience with anything yet, but I guess I just wanted to make sure that you knew that you aren't alone. ❤️

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Hey!

For what you say, you seem pretty sûre that you were not romantically attracted. But it's never an rsay answer to give. When I saw the definition of asexuality for the first time, it was clear to me that I was, it hits me as something obvious. But aromanticism was more complicated. I saw guy in a romantic way not because I was attracted but because society told me, and it was confusing. Then there's the fact that a lot of things that are associated to romance works with platonic feeling too : the

 desire to know the person, the feeling that you understand her... I think some people describe their QPR as their soulmate. So it's very difficult to differentiate platonic and romantic feelings.

 

Any way welcome to arocalypse! Hop you'll find the answer.

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i'll say the same thing i always do: if you think 'how can i know i don't experience romantic attraction if i don't know what it is?' (like @Divinidia said), that in itself should be a pretty good indicator.  if you'd felt it, you'd probably know.  how many allos (non-aros) do you think wonder whether what they're feeling is actually romantic attraction (and it is)?  maybe a couple.  and maybe you're one of them, i can't decide that for you, but as someone who's identified as aro for over 3 years i can relate to what you said.  you don't have to choose a label now or ever, and if you do choose one and later find it doesn't fit, that's totally fine too.  i understand it's nice to feel like you understand yourself and have a community of people who understand you, and i hope looking at some of the conversations on here will help with that.

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@DivinidiaThank you so much for that! 

@nonmerciThat was really helpful. Thank you!

@aro_eliseI'm so happy that there are people who understand what i'm saying.. I'm grateful to you too for helping me

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