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Hi all


DeltaV

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Hi, :):aropride:


it seems I belong to the minority here, most of you seem to be ace. I'm the scary cis heterosexual aromantic (romance-repulsed) male. Somewhere back when I was 12 or 13 years old my confusion set in and lasted like 15 years (insane) until this very month, when I learned about the real existence of romantic attraction through AVEN!


I often had the weirdest ideas about romantic attraction. Probably the funniest was that it is an invented concept, confused as real because of some kind of mass psychological manipulation which was introduced after we became too civilized for the obviously coercive stuff like arranged marriages.

 

Crushes, the hate for open relationships, heartbreaks, lovesickness, the “friend-zoning” (or the complains about it), the obsessions, jealousy and possessiveness – all that didn't make sense to me. I also did not understand the pain those chronically dateless guys on the net radiated. It seemed to have a quite different quality than mine. Did not compute. NaN.


Over time I've been called lots of cutesy things like robot, bitter loser, wannabe player, sex-obsessed and asexual being. :facepalm:

Actually researching about asexuality is what got me to AVEN. I never managed to have a real relationship because I had to force myself through everything, fake everything, including interest in romantic intimacy. Now follows a bit TMI...

Spoiler
  1. I dislike mouth kissing, long “passionate” gazes, etc. Open mouth / french kissing is repulsive for me. Sexual arousal may make it a bit more tolerable, but I still don't like it. Starting with such stuff seems like blatantly putting the cart before the horse. Yeah, I really work that way. :$
  2. I wondered if most guys had much stronger libidos than me. Were they so sex-starved that they were willing to put up with a romantic relationship (and its extremely emotionally draining preliminaries) just to get sex? Nah, can't be that horny.

I thought that 1. + 2. hinted to the asexuality spectrum, not 100% asexual but something strange going on. But I quickly found out that I'm allosexual and soon later aro.

It's sad but also a relief if it sinks in. At least I stop viewing myself as robot, lol, because the resulting insecurity hurt me very much outside of a romantic context – I already fit the typical nerd stereotypes, I have a degree in numerical analysis and have stereotypical interests from Linux to everything sci-fi and so on...

So that's it. :D Hopefully it wasn't too ranty. Greetings and green hearts from me!

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