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Complicated friend stuff: advice?


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This is going to be a (pretty long, sorry) ramble about my life right now so I'm not sure where to put it in the forums. Hopefully this is okay?


I'm not really sure where to begin, but I've had feelings for my best friend; O, for quite a few months now. It started as a purely platonic squish then it changed. I guess the feelings I had for her when I was drunk made me realise how I felt, and I started to feel them more when sober, too. It's definitely not romantic (at least I thought, more later) but I'm not sure whether they're sexual. They might be, I'm not super sure. So obviously with all this confusion in my head I haven't bothered talking to her about it since I have no (non aromantic) way to articulate it. But recently our flirting has increased and some other things have happened (personally, I think those things were mutual. Intuition and whatnot) and I've been more inclined to talk to her, but I'm still being an anxious chicken about it. So anxious to the point where I once went mute, which has never happened to me before.


So today I'm hanging out with our friend K and she was gushing about the guy she likes. The way she described how she lights up around him and how happy he makes her mad  my stomach turn because I couldn't stop thinking how that's how I felt about O. I don't necessarily think that's romantic attraction, because I know there's a lot of overlap between platonic and romantic feelings.


K was saying that she was glad to get away (house sitting) from everything and I described how not helpful it is to be stuck in your own head, and how I had been thinking a lot lately and needed to distract myself. So then K asks "is this by any chance about O?" And I just went quiet, and she said that O had asked K if I liked her and I kind of babbled about having weird feelings that I couldn't explain, and she kind of got it, but not completely (she described them as something like friend feelings and no sexual feelings and I was just like... sure).


Right now O's on a trip but will be back by New Years. So I'm really stumped about what to do. The obvious answer is to just talk to her (obviously) but I just get so ridiculously anxious about this. I know she understands, because she also has anxiety and I suspect she's been struggling with this situation too. Since she's not saying a word to me in person, how do I bring it up without dying of anxiety?


I'm sorry this is so long!!! Thank you so much for reading this huge piece of word vomit :)

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8 hours ago, SoulWolf said:

Can you write to her? I find it easier to communicate that way most of the time, especially about things that make me nervous...

I ended up messaging her in the middle of the night. She was actually really nice about it and even apologised for talking to K about it drunk

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