is my aro ace partner going to breakup with me?

[Guest chinchillataxevasion]

i’m not aroace , but i am trans, my partner is trans . we are both neuro spicy ,we have a 5 year age difference, i am 30 they are 25. i am their first long term partner.

we have been steady for just about a year but we have been together for close two years. we have lived together for most of these past two years.

the past four months we have both been very busy , the stress of phases of college ending for each of us, the onslaught of work, finding new friends and trying to stick it through has been rough.

but we made it, though now that stress has been alleviated, i’ve noticed a few things,

they say i love you less directly since november 

i would say we are less intimate since december but we never really had too much sex which is fine 

we go out less since february, but like i said we have been really busy with work

texting and showering together less often but that might just be because we have been both so busy .

we have our squabbles but not too often and they usually go addressed or dismissed as no big deal which is fine for the most part

is this just an aro ace person having a moment of needed distance or a blip ?

or are these continuous signs of an on going issue?

this person is the light of my world and we do everything together and we are really in tune most of the time

like it’s just generally confusing because i don’t know if i m having anxiety for nothing or something because i’ve never dated an aroace person who might have different needs than me.

 

[Random-Aroace]

As long as they still want you for spice and corn and cuddles ur prob good but idk ask them

[P4R4D0X]

Try talking to them about what they want as an aroace. I can't speak for everyone (especially since I don't do partners), but generally a partnering aroace will be happy to act romantic or sexual with a partner. 

Ask them about it, it's better safe than sorry. If they have something they want to talk about with you, you can see if you can help, and if not they might just need some space.

Edited June 17 by P4R4D0X

[Ekaterina]

47 minutes ago, P4R4D0X said:

Try talking to them about what they want as an aroace. I can't speak for everyone (especially since I don't do partners), but generally a partnering aroace will be happy to act romantic or sexual with a partner. 

Ask them about it, it's better safe than sorry. If they have something they want to talk about with you, you can see if you can help, and if not they might just need some space.

Mostly good advice, one thing I want to correct is that while partnering aroaces who are comfortable with romantic and sexual behavior exist, a lot of them aren't and prefer platonic and/or queerplatonic partnerships instead. So it is a very individual thing that differs from person to person. 

[Neon]

On 5/27/2024 at 2:17 AM, Guest chinchillataxevasion said:

is this just an aro ace person having a moment of needed distance or a blip ?

or are these continuous signs of an on going issue?

Unfortunately, the only person who can answer these questions for you is your partner. I suggest sitting down with them and discussing your concerns.

If you need help with that, reach out to a relationship counselor (despite what Reddit may tell you, there's no shame in getting help with interpersonal problems). Ideally the counselor would be ace friendly, but that's kinda hard to find, so just make sure they are LGBTQ+ friendly.

[Guest chinchillataxevasion]

it happened, they went no contact and disappeared , i just hope their okay, i wish it worked out that relationship feels like a dream now…