Secretperson Posted February 8 Share Posted February 8 Hello! So I (16F) used to identify as aro ace. I never had crushes, or felt romantic attraction. I don’t really want a relationship (or sometimes i do idk) However I really like girls, i a way I cant explain. I find them really beautiful and attractive, like I could scream with how beautiful they are, but never had a crush on one, and don’t think I would like to… but recently I reallized that I always feel weird around a female teacher at my school. I always feel restless and nervous around her/dress nicely for our classes/ imagine us interracting/ really want her to notice me and think nicely of me. I dont imagine us dating or marrying like some of my allos friends do and do not want us to date. But i never felt that way, and don’t know how to describe it. It kinda fits the definition of a crush but at the same time it doesn’t… I liked the label aro, but now don’t think it really fits me anymore. I however don’t think of myself as a lesbian/saphic… I don’t know what I am anymore and have trouble feeling… if you know something or have some advice, please let me know! Thank you so much for reading ! :D 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Raininspring Posted February 8 Share Posted February 8 (edited) Going by the split attraction model, how you choose to define your romantic attraction could be defined differently from where you are on the sexual attraction spectrum. Your attraction to her could be an aesthetic crush (swish) or a squish (which is a crush but without the desire to form a romantic or sexual relationship with the person). These are terms you can find on this page: Edited February 8 by Raininspring Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Newest Fabled Creature Posted February 9 Share Posted February 9 (edited) Heya! It's alright to be questioning your identity if you feel like what you're experiencing "contradicts" what it means to be aro(spec), but I promise that despite what you're feeling, you could still be a-spec for it, if you decide that you are! For insight, if you want some, I experienced the same thing as you (with anyone of any gender) and came to the conclusion that it was alterous attraction. I'm not trying to say that that's what you're experiencing, of course. I felt immense physical qualities of what it meant to be crushing on someone; chest getting all heavy and anxious with emotion, butterflies in the stomach, blushing, etc - but I lacked the desire to actively engage with the individual I was meshing on, romantically (a "mesh" meaning an alterous "crush"), and I didn't think about dating the person nor fantasizing marriage, despite wanting a deep emotional closeness that I surmised as the "crush part." I called them crushes back then, but it lacked the romantic feeling behind the word, because I didn't know anything about aromanticism, especially nothing about alterous attraction. I often actually dreaded the mere thought of the person liking me back, and I dreaded the prospect of them wanting to ask me out, or me "needing" to fulfill some societal expectation of what it means to crush on someone by asking them out myself. So, even if the person did like me back, I never acted out on my want to be deeply close with them in a non-romantic sense (in the subconscious fear that the person would view the action as romantic regardless) and was relieved when slowly the person moved on from their feelings they had towards me. What you said did remind me of the identities 'orientated aroace' and 'angled aroace'. I forget their differences, but what they share in common is that they experience a certain non-romantic and non-sexual attraction to a certain gender, or genders, that is significant enough to warrant a place next to their aromanticism and asexuality. Despite orientated and angled being primarily for aroaces only, sometimes you can experience a certain attraction in the aromantic sense, or asexual sense, to where you can be oriented just aromantically, or just asexually, and vice-versa with angled. I'm not saying you're orientated or angled, but they're identities worth looking into. Regardless of what conclusion you come to, you are welcomed here. Edited February 9 by The Newest Fabled Creature 1 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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