idk how to friendship

[cute kitty Meow! Mewo!]

yeah IDK how to do this thing called friendship. 

 

in high school and college it's always been pretty straightforward about, invite people to hang out, go to a school club together, eat lunch/dinner together in the cafeteria. friendship was simple and straightforward. if I lost a friend, a new one would pop up around the corner. 

 

 

now, my friends live far away. if I'm in contact with them, it's by some form of private messaging, text, skype, email, etc. we'll talk back and forth a bit some times, but most of the time conversation is difficult to keep. if I lose a friend, they disappear for good, and there's a few months of loneliness, and then I have to start from scratch with someone who I have no ability to predict would be my friend. none of my current friends did I expect would be close to me, lol, but here I am. 

 

I just, generally, I don't know what to do that's healthy for the longevity of a friendship, either. and I don't know how to guage how strong a friendship is. I trust my friends, but at the same time, I can't. it doesn't make any sense. and... there's never been a person I trusted fully, there's always some way in which I don't trust another person. I don't even 100% trust myself, is this something that is what everyone has to deal with? or is this a problem I should work to overcome? maybe it's just that I have a different definition of what trusting means? 

 

I don't know what friendship is, I don't know where it goes. And... what happens when a friendship does, actually, lasts longer than a year? should I plan to move closer to my friends? if a friend is moving closer to me, is that awkward when I'm planning to move away from here? Am I "lying" if I don't tell people that I intend to move some day?

 

and the scariest thing is. I do expect to be in a relationship some day, and the only thing I have to base that off of is friendship. I don't know how that transition would happen, and I don't know if I should be looking for signs that a friend is interested in such a thing some day with me, if I should be trying to give them hints that I'm interested in that thing, or if I should just ignore that whole dialogue until I've actually reached the point in my life when I'm looking to have a companion. or maybe it's just the sort of thing that happens, that one day you realize "wait we more time doing things together than we spend apart" and then you just sort laugh a bit about how your closeness crept up on you and heartily agree that let's do this forever now. or is wanting a forever friend too romantic to be platonic 

 

 

[SoulWolf]

2 hours ago, cute kitty Meow! Mewo! said:

should I plan to move closer to my friends?  if a friend is moving closer to me, is that awkward when I'm planning to move away from here? 

I did that... I moved closer to them and then they moved further away. In my experience, 99% of people will not move closer to their friends or give much of a damn if their friends move further away from them. Most people don't even seem to think it's weird for friends to just "lose contact" for years and then "reconnect" again and have it be like nothing even happened. I'm like... if someone doesn't contact me for years, it's pretty clear they're not really my friend. But that's apparently not how most people think.

 

I have no idea about romantic stuff, so I can't comment on that...

 

2 hours ago, cute kitty Meow! Mewo! said:

and there's never been a person I trusted fully, there's always some way in which I don't trust another person. I don't even 100% trust myself, is this something that is what everyone has to deal with? or is this a problem I should work to overcome? maybe it's just that I have a different definition of what trusting means? 

Over the past year I went through a thing where I lost all my trust in people completely, and then a few months later built it back up again to an extent. People will never be 100% reliable, and will always make some mistake somewhere... this article helped me a lot: http://www.mindbodygreen.com/0-7617/how-to-trust-especially-when-youve-been-hurt.html

 

This is the bit that really got me:

 

Quote

 

When you decide to trust someone it means that you believe in that person's integrity. Trusting is knowing that ultimately this person's intentions are good. And it also means that you know that they are going to make mistakes.

 

What you are saying when you choose to trust someone is, "I know that deep down you are a good person with good intentions. I know you are going to get scared and lose it from time to time, and I will try to support you and/or act with compassion when that happens. And I know that ultimately, my well-being is up to me."

 

[cute kitty Meow! Mewo!]

yeah like idk. I definitely lost my ability to trust others, some time during college. thankfully, I now forget why.... but at the same time, I am sure it still affects me. I'm sure that I have trust issues. I can feel them. 

 

it helps to be able to think about trust as faith in their person, rather than in their actions. promises don't sound like lies if I think about them in this way.