EmoAsh Posted January 15 Share Posted January 15 Hi! I'm aroace, and I've been in a relationship with my joyfriend (I'll refer to eem using eeir neos, but feel free to use he/him) for three months now. Ee's ace but not aro, and I'm romance favourable greyro, so it mostly works well for us. Occasionally, I get bursts of feeling completely romance repulsed. I stop wanting romance and desire a more... Queerplatonic sort of vibe? It doesn't last long (day or two usually) but it's very hard to push through it and still be romantic with eem while I'm so uncomfortable with it. I want to talk to eem about how we can manage that discomfort, but I'm scared of hurting eem. I like eem a lot and usually enjoy romance. I love eem on a level that I never knew I could feel, ee's very respectful of my identity, and I definitely do not want to break up. How can I talk to eem about my aro side without eem feeling hurt or unloved? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Queen of Spades Posted January 15 Share Posted January 15 What are the things you feel uncomfortable with exactly? Do you mean classical romantic stuff such as candlelit dinners, dates that are clearly different from hangouts or simply spending quality time, Valentine’s day etc.? I need to understand your situation better before I try to answer. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
EmoAsh Posted January 15 Author Share Posted January 15 23 minutes ago, Queen of Spades said: What are the things you feel uncomfortable with exactly? Do you mean classical romantic stuff such as candlelit dinners, dates that are clearly different from hangouts or simply spending quality time, Valentine’s day etc.? I need to understand your situation better before I try to answer. Most of the time, everything is fine. It's just from time to time, the flirting, cuddling, kissing, the little things like that can become uncomfortable when it's clearly non-platonic So yes, classical romantic things primarily. I still very much enjoy eeir company in a sort of queerplatonic or alterous way even when I'm romance repulsed Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Holmbo Posted January 16 Share Posted January 16 I feel like you could tell them this and make sure they know it's not because anything they do. To do a comparison: let's say you really enjoyed talking with someone but at times you'd get into periods where you just wanted to sit quietly with them. Neither is better, they are just different. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
EmoAsh Posted January 16 Author Share Posted January 16 4 hours ago, Holmbo said: I feel like you could tell them this and make sure they know it's not because anything they do. To do a comparison: let's say you really enjoyed talking with someone but at times you'd get into periods where you just wanted to sit quietly with them. Neither is better, they are just different. Thank you! I might try using that analogy as well to see if it helps eem understand... I think ee'll get it, being ace, I just dislike setting boundaries I'll talk to eem today and see how it goes :) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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