Introducing me

CoolK · December 27, 2023

Hi everyone I am a 22 year old full time college student who on August 9th stumbled upon the label Idemromantic which is defined as Idemromantic is a romantic orientation on the aromantic spectrum. It is a subcategory of quoiromantic and is closely related to platoniromantic. It is described as experiencing no notable internal differences between platonic and romantic feelings, often categorizing relationships and feelings as platonic or romantic based on external factors. It suddenly felt like a lot of things clicked. My last relationship my ex told me I treated them too much like a friend and not enough like a partner. My assumption was the fact that we were dating made everything we did inherently romantic. I guess that's not the case. A few months after the breakup I thought I was crushing on a new friend I made but did not even want to date at the time and ran into a block when I thought about dating them because of how deep their relationship with their best friend is. It's not a romantic relationship but full of affection, a long history, and genuine care. Their is no way I could date that friend and have a connection to them that comes anywhere close to that. The friendship between the two of them is what I want out of a relationship. But with cuddling, hand holding and possibly kissing. After that relization, I read Loveless and realized I was viewing almost every friendship in that book as romantic when they were mainly platonic. Which led me to researching about struggling to tell the difference between romantic and platonic relationships. I landed on the label idemromantic and realised I was not crazy for crushing or thinking I was crushing on so many of my friends since starting college. I did not struggle with these distinctions in high school possibly because I was still viewing relationships through an amatonormative lens and my friendships were less deep and queer. I have since come to the uncertain conclusion that I experience a lot of platonic or platonic/aesthetic infatuation for my friends and for the longest time I thought it was romantic because I am romance favorable. Once in relationships I experience alterous attraction which for me is a combination of platonic and romantic attraction. Or just pure romantic I am unsure.Basically what I have to do is look at if I would truly be compatible with a friend before trying to start a relationship. So it's knowing I am not compatible with my friends that keeps it platonic.

I hope I am welcomed here and not claiming a community that is not mine to claim. If that is the case feel free to tell me to get out. I feel really invalid as an aroace person that is romance favorable and wants/ is seeking a romantic relationship or QPR. I am hoping to find people that relate to my experience somewhat.