Aromantics and non partnered allos

[Holmbo]

In another thread there was some discussion about aromantics as relating to the bigger pool of people who are solo/single at heart / nonamorous. Some identify as aro, some might fit the definition but not identify either because they don't know about it or for some other reason. Some are allo but choosing not to have romantic relationships for various reason. Some have romantic relationships but still feel they are outside the regular partnered experience.

Overall there's a rising single movement, at least in the US, which aromantics are affected indirectly by.

[Holmbo]

@Fruitpunchyou raised question were does aros fit in with this rising solo movement?

Also you mentioned orchidspec which I don't think I've seen before.

I personally identify with the term solo because I don't want a significant other. If someone invented a pill that could change people's romantic orientation I wouldn't change mine. So I feel much more connected with aros that are single for life than with aros that are partnered.

 

[Fruitpunch]

I feel the same way about the term solo and feeling a greater connection with single aros. I tend to like nonamorous as a term better, just because it's a more distinct word, as solo has multiple meanings, but I use both.

I first heard that term orchidspec in that other thread as well, but I assumed it referred to a spectrum of wanting to not wanting a significant other. Related to this, I think a term I've been trying to find in the aro community has been an aro equivalent of libido/sex drive. Before I'd ever heard of the aro community, I would understand myself through the concept of having no "relationship drive." This feels like something of a counterpart to libido/sex drive.

Aros use the term romantic orientation a lot when discussing their identity, but there's a newish term I've been hearing, which is relationship identity. I'm personally not as interested in defining my romantic orientation because I don't believe I've fully explored it; it's still partially unknown to me. But I feel much more confidence towards and affinity with a term like relationship identity or the concept of relationship drive. With those, I know I stand clearly as solo/nonamorous/single at heart (to use all the terms).

Sometimes I wonder about the future of the aro community. Will it form a coalition with the larger happily single population under the umbrella of being anti amatonormativity? Would it ever merge into that community? Or will the solo members of the aro community separate out like how some nonbinary AFAB people once identified as butch lesbians before they knew there was an identity that felt more like them?

Edited December 12, 2023 by Fruitpunch

[Holmbo]

12 hours ago, Fruitpunch said:

Related to this, I think a term I've been trying to find in the aro community has been an aro equivalent of libido/sex drive. Before I'd ever heard of the aro community, I would understand myself through the concept of having no "relationship drive." This feels like something of a counterpart to libido/sex drive.
 

I could make a separate reply to each of your paragraph but that would take so long so I'll start with this one. The "relationship libido" is an interesting one. That could be a useful term for both aros and allos talking about choosing not to be in a romantic relationship.

[Holmbo]

On 12/12/2023 at 4:03 AM, Fruitpunch said:

Aros use the term romantic orientation a lot when discussing their identity, but there's a newish term I've been hearing, which is relationship identity. I'm personally not as interested in defining my romantic orientation because I don't believe I've fully explored it; it's still partially unknown to me. But I feel much more confidence towards and affinity with a term like relationship identity or the concept of relationship drive. With those, I know I stand clearly as solo/nonamorous/single at heart (to use all the terms).

I feel relationship identity could encompass also polyamorous people who I feel struggle a bit with how they relate to LGBT+. Some polyamorous people feel like being in love with several people at once is a romantic orientation different from heteroremantic. But most don't consider polyamory by itself as queer (and most others agree) but still they somehow feel tangential to it.

[Holmbo]

If anyone has suggestion on an aro guest for the Solo podcast I can pass it along. I'm in a online community for that podcast.