Fruitpunch

I’m a big fan of making out/foreplay and think frenching is great.

I feel the same way about the term solo and feeling a greater connection with single aros. I tend to like nonamorous as a term better, just because it's a more distinct word, as solo has multiple meanings, but I use both. I first heard that term orchidspec in that other thread as well, but I assumed it referred to a spectrum of wanting to not wanting a significant other. Related to this, I think a term I've been trying to find in the aro community has been an aro equivalent of libido/sex drive. Before I'd ever heard of the aro community, I would understand myself through the concept of having no "relationship drive." This feels like something of a counterpart to libido/sex drive. Aros use the term romantic orientation a lot when discussing their identity, but there's a newish term I've been hearing, which is relationship identity. I'm personally not as interested in defining my romantic orientation because I don't believe I've fully explored it; it's still partially unknown to me. But I feel much more confidence towards and affinity with a term like relationship identity or the concept of relationship drive. With those, I know I stand clearly as solo/nonamorous/single at heart (to use all the terms). Sometimes I wonder about the future of the aro community. Will it form a coalition with the larger happily single population under the umbrella of being anti amatonormativity? Would it ever merge into that community? Or will the solo members of the aro community separate out like how some nonbinary AFAB people once identified as butch lesbians before they knew there was an identity that felt more like them?

I agree that the orchid conversation feels needed. 38,000,000 Americans say they're single and want to remain that way, according to the Pew Research Center (15% of US adults), so how does the aro community relate to that fact? Others outside of our space are committed to research on what's called singles studies (Bella DePaulo) and building their own online communities around them (Depaulo again) and social scientist Peter McGraw with his podcast, Slack community and upcoming book, Solo. Solo itself as a term grew out of the poly community, so how is that angle different than ours for a similar/same concept? I wonder how we as aros relate to this concept. It's interesting to see Depaulo, McGraw, and poly authors mention aros in a way that feels to me a bit under-researched or simplified. Do we want to have a voice in these spaces? What will we do with our terms vs. their terms for the same concepts (orchid, nonamorous, single at heart, solo)? Why do we usually identify as queer while these other communities do not? What can we learn from Depaulo's years of scientific research? I have a lot of thoughts in this arena. I agree that it seems worthy of discussion.

Other established terms for this are nonamorous (used w/in the aro community), nonpartnering (used within the aro community), single at heart (created and researched heavily by Dr. Bella Depaulo), and solo (emerged from the poly community and reinforced by a podcast of the same name). I personally hope that one day we all decide on one name and then push the idea into the mainstream. My favorite currently is nonamorous because it sounds distinct, rolls of the tongue, and sounds familiar because of polyamorous being a commonly used word.

Bella Depaulo, leading researcher on single life who developed and researched the identity "single at heart" has a new book out under the same name. I know there's not much research on aromanticism out in the world, so I appreciate the data she brings to the table. I find her thoughts on single life to be incredibly validating. Peter McGraw, host of the podcast Solo and another social science academic, has a book coming out next month called Solo. He uses the term synonymously with Bella's "single at heart" and has a years-long podcast on the subject. For me both terms to map onto the aro term nonamorous.

Synthetic Adrenaline, I feel exactly the same way about relationships and about joining aro spaces looking for community, but not necessarily identifying with the concept. Oko, there are identities that are more single-life focused than aromanticism, which encompasses a mix of relationships types. Single-at-heart is a term created by singles researcher Bella Depaulo. She has a new book out as of last week under the same name and Singled Out is an older book of hers that's good. She's great in that she's done a lot of scientific studies on single-at-heart people and how they function and live their best lives. There isn't much research on aromantics, so I appreciate her data. There's a nice chapter in "Stepping off the Relationship Escalator" about solo people, which is another term for people who prize their freedom, independence, and prefer to be single. The aro community uses the word "nonamorous" for people who prefer to be single, though it seems like the exactly definition of it is still evolving. Lastly, solo grew out of the poly community and its concept of solopolyamory, so you might find some resources from searching that term.