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Rant: friendly intimacy


Gray_acie

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Rant, because I can't say anything about this to any of my friends because they all keep saying "no stop that you're gonna catch feelings for him!" (I still haven't come out to them as aro)

So there's this guy in my friend group, and we'll call him B. B and I, at first, hated each other. we sort of look alike, and everyone just LOVES to point that out, but we hated each other's guts. insult after insult, morally questioning arguments constantly. I argued with him on everything, and he chastised me for every move and word. We'd even go into these silent staring contests, each of us daring the other not to blink or smile. Very hard on my part as I'm a very smiley person. Then, I guess after a few months, it just got really tiring. we still get into those staring contests, but it's just fun now. we're actually pretty close now, casually, and I'm really happy with how our friendship is going, especially considering our group is more at ease without us challenging the other all the time. he has longer hair than everyone in the group, and he actually let's me braid it sometimes since I'm fidgety, and being able to do something with my hands always helps my anxiety-filled mind. and sometimes we'll just tell each other shit, like the first time I told him I trusted him enough to have my address(I have problems with that), or share a shit-eating grin whenever we understand something the others don't, since we are the more mature two of the group. I'm also a really physical person, and seeing as everyone but me and two other girls are all guys I can't really express myself that way a lot, which is fine with me most of the time, but he knows I'm a physical person(because of an argument, months ago) and doesn't really seem to mind whenever I lean on him or sling my arm around him. it's just nice, because after a few months of worry that "oh shit have I ruined my group??" and "oh god what if I have to argue with him forever", it's just..chill. we're chill, and I'm happy with how our friendship is going. one of my closer friends who's also in that group, I'll call him O, is also sort of like that, but he's still sometimes jumpy about physical-ness so I try to tone it down, but he seems happy that me and B aren't arguing either. Mostly, I think, because B is like his best friend, and me and O are just close.

anyway that's my rant. Thx if you took time to read it, I've just been bursting to say it because everyone else say imma get a crush on him but like- I'm just happy with how our friendship is goingπŸ˜ƒ

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