Aro Archer Author Posted November 5, 2023 Share Posted November 5, 2023 Hello! I have a classmate who is suddenly wanting me as her first choice to partner with for every project (which is weird; we’re not friends and no one ever picks me willingly because all my friends at my school are in a different grade, but it’s not the concerning part). Yesterday, she was talking about our project, and when I pulled down my mask to drink water, she gasped and interrupted herself to tell me that I was “so pretty” and forgot way she’d been talking about before. I am worried that she might have a crush on me, and that she might think I feel the same way because I’m responding positively to her wanting to be partners (she’s nice and all but I’d respond the same way if it were any other classmate, I am just unused to people wanting me in their group). The idea upsets me (I’m romance-averse or repulsed) and the uncertainty and the idea are stressing me out A LOT (I also have anxiety). Does anyone have advice for how to nip any expectations in the bud and/or cope with the repulsion (since I obviously can’t control her feelings)? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted November 5, 2023 Share Posted November 5, 2023 Deny any possible romantic advances she makes, and maybe bring into conversation how you ¨don´t like dating¨ if you don´t want to tell her ur sexuality. If you ignore it and try not to reciprocate her feelings and she still tries to flirt with you, you might gently let her know it's not going to happen, and if she cant accept that, shes not someone u want to be around anyway. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
aparklover0911 Posted November 5, 2023 Share Posted November 5, 2023 2 hours ago, Aro Archer Author said: Hello! I have a classmate who is suddenly wanting me as her first choice to partner with for every project (which is weird; we’re not friends and no one ever picks me willingly because all my friends at my school are in a different grade, but it’s not the concerning part). Yesterday, she was talking about our project, and when I pulled down my mask to drink water, she gasped and interrupted herself to tell me that I was “so pretty” and forgot way she’d been talking about before. I am worried that she might have a crush on me, and that she might think I feel the same way because I’m responding positively to her wanting to be partners (she’s nice and all but I’d respond the same way if it were any other classmate, I am just unused to people wanting me in their group). The idea upsets me (I’m romance-averse or repulsed) and the uncertainty and the idea are stressing me out A LOT (I also have anxiety). Does anyone have advice for how to nip any expectations in the bud and/or cope with the repulsion (since I obviously can’t control her feelings)? hi! there are a few approaches that you might consider, 1. you might trying to avoid her for a period of time, for example if she sits next to you at lunch, get up, and go to the library or something. 2. you could try to tell her about your anxiety and tell her that her actions are stressful, thus a reason to stay away from her 3. as a last resort, explain everything. 4. try to anger her at yourself to prevent any feelings arising. hope this helps!!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
hemogoblin Posted November 5, 2023 Share Posted November 5, 2023 You could try just emphasizing that your relationship is group project partners and snubbing any offers to socialize elsewhere. So, like, if she asks for your number and it's not necessary, you can say "I'm not comfortable giving that out. Let's stick to [school email, meeting after school, whatever]." or if it is necessary and she texts you small talk, you can respond "let's go ahead and keep things about the project only. Thanks!" Or if she asks questions to get to know you, then you can deflect and turn things back to the group project. Now if you are interested in being her friend, then instead of emphasizing that you're project buddies. Calling her "bro" should be pretty effective if appropriate to do so. If she keeps complimenting your looks, you can hint or say that it's inappropriate you. "Why do you say that? It seems like kind of a weird thing to tell a classmate. I'd like to just focus on this project." There's always the option to try being direct, though you may or may not decide to wait until this project is complete. You do not need to come out to be direct. "Hey, I might really be misreading things, and I wanted to thank you for partnering with me on this project, but I just want to be clear that I'm only interested in finishing this project with you. I think you're a great person, but I wouldn't be interested in dating." I do not suggest trying to make her angry. Besides the fact that this could really mess up your project, it's just unnecessarily mean, especially when she hasn't done anything wrong and perhaps she asked to be your partner for other reasons (maybe she needs some new friends?). If you feel the need to go a less direct route, then I would more suggest making up a fake partner and start slipping your girlfriend/boyfriend into conversation. Perhaps a fake person you know through a family friend or an out-of-school extracurricular. It doesn't need to be a lot. They don't need a whole backstory. Just a mention or two of "oh yeah, I saw that movie with my [partner]". If she digs for information you can say "yeah, I don't talk about them a lot because I guess I don't see the need to. I find it easier to just talk to people at school about things and people we all have in common. So, let's get back to the project, huh?" Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Aro Archer Author Posted December 10, 2023 Author Share Posted December 10, 2023 The situation resolved pretty quickly but I forgot I started this thread so here’s an update a month late! I wore my aro pin to school. She asked about it. We had a brief conversation. She has not had a crush in a few years. So she doesn’t have a crush on me. (yay!) So that’s one less thing for me to worry about, at least. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
hemogoblin Posted December 11, 2023 Share Posted December 11, 2023 Glad that worked out! 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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