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Is it possible to be aro and want to date?


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2 hours ago, Janeisy said:

I don’t think relationships are for me, but why does every time I have a crush on someone, I want to date them. But, once we start dating, it just don’t feel right or it feels weird. Please help me, I’m at lost right now.

 

Hey Janeisy. I'm not sure what kind of advice you're looking for right now, but you might find some similar experiences among lithromantic narratives -- here are just a few links to get you started:

As for advice, are you able to identify what feels wrong to you about dating? Is it certain forms of touch? Is it certain expectations or behavior? Is it certain ways of addressing or referring to each other? Or is it the whole relationship type altogether? Either way, there's nothing wrong with setting boundaries or deciding that there are some things you just don't want. You don't owe romance or romantic-coded behavior to anyone.

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So I don’t think there is anything wrong with dating. I just feel like it’s not for me. For example, I’m not the type to take romantic relationships serious. I love watching romance in movies and shows, but I don’t like it happening in front of me. I started identifying as aromantic. But now I’m confused right now

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So I don’t think there is anything wrong with dating. I just feel like it’s not for me. For example, I’m not the type to take romantic relationships serious. I love watching romance in movies and shows, but I don’t like it happening in front of me. I started identifying as aromantic. But now I’m confused right now

Does lithromantic fall into the aromantic spectrum 

 

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On 6/25/2019 at 2:01 AM, Janeisy said:

Does lithromantic fall into the aromantic spectrum 

 

Sure, you can find some lithromantics around here on Arocalypse here who would say so I think. I don't know of much writing that's been done on lithromanticism by itself, but it's generally been referred to as an aro spectrum identity on places like the Aro Wiki and AUREA.

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To give my opinion on wether it is possible to be aro and want to date, I would say yes but it mostly depend on the definition you give of "dating". I know that when I discovered aromanticism my reaction was : I can't be aromantic, I want to date someone ! But when I started going on this forum and really started to question myself and what I want, I discorvered that my definition of dating wasn't the same as how my friends. I Don't really know how to explain but when my friends dated somoene it was because they loved them romantically and only because of that. But this was never really a criteria for me ?

 

At the time I hadn't realised that, but now I don't know how I did to not see it before ! The fact that I wanted to "date" was more because of society expactation than anything else. For me, to have a happy life you had to go to school + find a job + marry and tada ! you are happy ! (well I really simplyfied it, but it was basically what I was thinking).

 

Now I know that my definition of dating is not the same as most people. For me dating is more like a meeting with friend that I appreciate a lot :)

I even have a friend on the aro spectrum and we always say jokingly that we go on date when we go to the restaurant or things like that ?

 

In addition to that, I also have date with my QPP (who is an alloromantic), and this does not mean that I am any less of an aromantic.

 

So my answer is definitly yes. Maybe you should question if like me you want to date is caused by amatonormativity or because you do not really have the same definition has anyone else. 

 

(sorry for anny mistake or mispelling, English is not my first language)

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  • 2 years later...

I'm trying to write a story where there are two main characters, one is aro, the other is ace. I want it to be a BL where they get together at the end but idk how to do that correctly since one is aromantic. I myself am not aromantic so I hope any peeps on here could help me. :)

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7 hours ago, Guest August said:

I'm trying to write a story where there are two main characters, one is aro, the other is ace. I want it to be a BL where they get together at the end but idk how to do that correctly since one is aromantic. I myself am not aromantic so I hope any peeps on here could help me. :)

Rather sad that all you want to do with these characters is to make them into a boring couple.

How about something like:
Alice: An aromantic pansexual who is really into dating with no interest in being "in a relationship".
Bob: A panromantic asexual who's desperate to find "the one" whilst being fairly indifferent to dating.

Whilst dates between Alice and Bob are mutually enjoyable they ted to be infrequent.
Bob cares more about them never leading to romance than Alice cares about them never leading to sex.
Maybe after a series of failed romances, maybe a divorce or two, Bob will change his mind and start enjoying casual dates with Alice.

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