So is this normal or not?

[CatNap]

I've noticed things through, even having some pointed out to me, and idk if it's neurodivergency or what it is, but it upsets me. The

• I repetitively say phrases over and over, seeming like I have to, and it feels like it will never end, when I'm anxious or scared or excited. An example is when I'm anxious or scared and I repeat oh god over and over and it feels like I can't stop. Sometimes it is hard to stop, but I manage to.
• I have trouble controlling my emotions. Sometimes it gets so hard that I fail to hold back words. It's like a big explosion. Then again, this is probably normal.
• My emotions used to and may still be able to change rapidly.
• I notice that when I sit and stand, I think I rock back and forth, just barely noticeably, especially when anxious.
• I fail to tell when someone is being sarcastic, and when someone is joking most of the time, though it's gotten just a little bit easier.
• I'm way too serious, and hardly laugh at the jokes I do get, and when I do get them they aren't funny. I don't get them. And I don't laugh at funny things, because I don't see how they are funny.
• I find myself fidgeting sometimes without realizing it.
• I have these weird, gross thoughts.
• I have unwanted thoughts.
• For some reason I hold a pencil with my fingers and read that way, and have in the past, or read with my fingers, and get upset when I can't.
• I hate loud noises.
• I procrastinate.
• I can get distracted easily.
• I have issues communicating my wants, feelings, and boundaries with people in romantic relationships, and this has led to fights and the end of relationships.
• I hate certain textures (though everyone does, right?).
• I get upset when things aren't done a certain way.
• I wash my hands twice now, and if I think of germs, it gets to the point that I feel the urge to wash more, and get the feeling the germs haven't gone away.
• I wish I had noise canceling headphones.
• I stutter heavily when in a place with little to no familiar faces, and sometimes find myself having an extremely hard time trying to talk to strangers due to fear. On top of being afraid of being judged based on my actions and words.
• I feel like people are watching me when in public spaces.
• I feel like inanimate objects watch and judge me, and can hear my thoughts 99% of the time. This causes me to feel like I'm in a show of some sort, and the inanimate objects are cameras and the audience, and the audience is nice in my mind when I imagine myself in a show. But when I'm not, the inanimate objects just watch and judge me negatively.
• I constantly imagine myself as a fictional character 99% of the time (probably normal too)

Then again most of this could be dysthmia, or just normal behavior. Idk. Probably me overthinking. And idk if this is all of it or not.

[Balfrog]

I suggest getting help if it is possible for you, the sooner you do the sooner you can manage or accept what is on this list. Since you mentioned dysthmia I assume you're depressed, and lots of these sound taxing on their own. It doesn't sound like you're procrastinating as much as it sounds like you are going through some stuff.

 

Edit: I just want to clarify, as my brain feels very weird having said what I did with the title as it is, some of these things seem like they would be very painful to deal with on a regular basis. Also if you are washing your hands like that, please use handcream so your hands don't start bleeding.

Edited October 7, 2023 by Balfrog

[hemogoblin]

Normal is relative.

But if any of these behaviors upset you, make you uncomfortable, and/or interfere with the way you want to live your life, then you should seek help/support regardless. You don't have to be neurodivergent to need or want help.

Edited October 8, 2023 by hemogoblin

[Bread_and_butterflies]

What you said about hand-washing reminds me of my own OCD. If I touch something that is “contaminated,” then I feel like I have to wash my hands, sometimes more than once. Also I thought that what you said about unwanted thoughts sounds like it could be OCD too, like if you have to argue/react to them or something like that (I can also relate :/ ).

also some things you mentioned like wanting things to be done in a certain way and personifying objects are traits that autistic people tend to have but they do not necessarily mean that someone is autistic 
(I would definitely recommend researching neurodivergence/OCD if you want)

Edited October 10, 2023 by Bread_and_butterflies
Made it less advice-y

[Collie]

Some sound like OCD, and others remind me of my autism. 

[DeltaAro]

That's a lot of different issues, wildly varying in severity.

Some of it is just your personality, and without any concern. Like that you tend to procrastinate.

Some of it sounds like OCD, autism or Asperger's. But at least those tend to remain relatively stable over time.

Some of it is concerning, like:

On 10/6/2023 at 4:16 PM, BloodLust said:

I feel like inanimate objects watch and judge me, and can hear my thoughts 99% of the time. This causes me to feel like I'm in a show of some sort, and the inanimate objects are cameras and the audience, and the audience is nice in my mind when I imagine myself in a show. But when I'm not, the inanimate objects just watch and judge me negatively.

Sorry, but this might be a prelude to psychosis. Which can get worse in a short time and then lead to dangerous behaviors like self-harm.