I think I'm an age dreamer and... (Really mean thoughts warning)

[CatNap]

My thoughts on this are:

"This is embarrassing."

"I'm ashamed of this."

"I'm weird/strange."

"I'm not valid."

"I hate this so much."

"I hate how this doesn't even feel like a choice."

"I want to change coping mechanisms."

"I'm going to fix this, fix myself."

"Then I'm not going to trigger it or whatever."

"I should be able to just deal with this without a coping mechanism."

"This doesn't even make me feel better."

"I'm just childish. I've always been childish."

"I'm ashamed of being childish."

"I'm *age redacted*, I shouldn't be doing childish things, or any of this."

"I don't deserve validation."

"I don't deserve this."

"I shouldn't want/need any of these childish things."

"Weirdo."

"I want the mature thoughts to stop, and this obviously isn't going to help me feel better and forget them. How could that get rid of those thoughts and make me feel better? I'm a baby, like, 100% of the time anyways, so hah! As if this is a coping mechanism for me."

And other such mean thoughts. And it's making me want to cry. And I know, I need to go to therapy. I'm looking at an agedre tumblr thing, and even validating things, don't make me feel any better, or make the thoughts go away. I hate how I want things meant for little kids, and how I adore little kid things, and act like a child, blah blah blah. It's just plain embarrassing.

 

[Jot-Aro Kujo]

What is that?

[CatNap]

This may help: https://allaboutarden.wordpress.com/what-is-age-dreaming/

[PumpkinsLinked]

Question, if any one of your friends told you that they were an age dreamer.. would you react like this? If the answer is no, then I have a question.. What makes you feel this way when it's you? You are being harsh on yourself for having trauma that requires stuff like this to help heal, if anyone else had any problems with this it's most likely that you would treat them with respect. Yes, it may be "Childish" but what's wrong with childish? People try to make other people ashamed for being "Childish", but when you didn't get that childhood in the first place? It's understandable why you need this, it may not seem like it helps on the surface, but it does. You don't need to be ashamed of being like this, there are so many others going through the same thing, feeling the same way, and thinking the same thoughts... You aren't alone, you aren't weird, and you don't need to "fix" this. What you are doing? Is a way to repair whatever childhood trauma you went through, and it's a valid way to handle it... A way recognized by therapists, your brain is doing the best way it can think of to fix that past damage and then beating itself up for trying to repair that past damage. Register that, and try to figure out what you think is the best next step... But attempting to repress what will, in the long run, help? It won't do your mental health any good. Please give yourself some grace, don't judge yourself for doing your best to heal your past. You've got this! Okay?

[CatNap]

21 hours ago, PumpkinsLinked said:

Question, if any one of your friends told you that they were an age dreamer.. would you react like this? If the answer is no, then I have a question.. What makes you feel this way when it's you? You are being harsh on yourself for having trauma that requires stuff like this to help heal, if anyone else had any problems with this it's most likely that you would treat them with respect. Yes, it may be "Childish" but what's wrong with childish? People try to make other people ashamed for being "Childish", but when you didn't get that childhood in the first place? It's understandable why you need this, it may not seem like it helps on the surface, but it does. You don't need to be ashamed of being like this, there are so many others going through the same thing, feeling the same way, and thinking the same thoughts... You aren't alone, you aren't weird, and you don't need to "fix" this. What you are doing? Is a way to repair whatever childhood trauma you went through, and it's a valid way to handle it... A way recognized by therapists, your brain is doing the best way it can think of to fix that past damage and then beating itself up for trying to repair that past damage. Register that, and try to figure out what you think is the best next step... But attempting to repress what will, in the long run, help? It won't do your mental health any good. Please give yourself some grace, don't judge yourself for doing your best to heal your past. You've got this! Okay?

No, I wouldn't react like that if a friend told me. I would accept that friend. I'd still love them, as a friend. I don't know why I feel this way, when it comes to me.. I just do. :(

Edited April 4, 2023 by The Lost One