I'm having another crisis...

[Isa1116]

I have been identifying as aroaceflux (mostly lithromantic) for a few months now but now I'm not so sure. I usually just stay as lithromantic but the definition says they fall out of love once in a relationship. I've never been in a relationship so I don't think I can say I'm lithromantic. I want to but I'm going to wait until I have a relationship.

I have never wanted a relationship and I think that its called orchidromantic, meaning feeling romantic attraction but not a relationship. I might be wrong and I'm just scared this is a phase or something and I'm lying to myself. :(

[PumpkinsLinked]

Well, from my experience its when you have a crush but then when there are signs of it being mutual the feeling fades.. it's not JUST when you get in a relationship, in fact, you don't even have to be in a relationship! But with what you are describing, orchidromantic sounds correct! Another thing, if you are worrying about yourself being wrong and worrying that its a lie.. most of the time when you worry about that its a sign that you are right about it!! Having fear that you aren't who you say you are, 99% of the time? It means you're right; I have personal experience with stuff like that. You've got this!! Plus even if it *is* a phase? guess what! That's okay, this is your journey to figure out; take your time! You'll figure everything out in time.

[Jot-Aro Kujo]

Does it really matter? I don't mean that in a sarcastic way, I mean it genuinely. How important to you is it to have such specific labels? Is it something that brings you joy, or something that brings you stress? At the end of the day, labels are meant to help you. If it's helpful to you to be very specific, then I wish you all the best of luck, but I find a lot of people get way too caught up in hypercategorizing everything they experience to the point of causing themselves a lot of distress. I suggest evaluating how worth it to you it is to use a very specific label over an umbrella term, and then once you've figured that out, go from there.

[hemogoblin]

Lithromantic means a lot of things. There's lots of ways to be lithro without ever being in a relationship.

Quote

• Feeling romantic attraction that fades upon being reciprocated
• Feeling fine with being single
• Experiencing discomfort upon entering a romantic relationship with a crush
• Loss of interest in potential or actual partners when they romantically initiate
• Fantasizing about romance but preferring it only in theory, not in practice/reality
• The craving for intimacy but then finding it uncomfortable when the intimacy is returned or reciprocated
• Liking the idea of love and relationships but not the idea of yourself in one
• Having a crush on someone and being fine with the possibility that nothing further will come out of it
• Feeling attraction/crushing on those who already are in a relationship with someone, as that could rule out the possibility of them reciprocating your feelings for them
• Not wanting to be in a relationship due to various reasons such as having a responsibility for someone else or the burden of relationships
• Feeling attraction for fictional characters that aren't real (no way to reciprocate feelings)
• Not feeling like you understand/empathise with friends or other people talking about their relationships

Any ONE of those is a lithro experience.

But yes. Labels are tools. They are not predetermined categories some omnipotent being set aside for us that we perfectly fit inside. Labels are to help us communicate a simplified version of our feelings to others. Anybody who matters that you want to know more about you is somebody you'll always have more to say about yourself than "I'm lithromantic" even just about being lithromantic.

What label(s) make you happy? What label(s) do you want to use? What label(s) help you communicate what it is you want to communicate to complete strangers? Use that label/those labels. You don't need anything more or less.

There is no test you have to pass to fit a label. There's no diagnostic procedure you can go through. The label(s) you choose are 100% always and only your choice. You can't choose your feelings, but you do choose how you identify.

Also, again, life is full of phases. Life itself is a phase. So what if this is a phase? What happens? You grow out of it and...nobody is harmed. You simply choose another label.

[Isa1116]

7 hours ago, PumpkinsLinked said:

Well, from my experience its when you have a crush but then when there are signs of it being mutual the feeling fades.. it's not JUST when you get in a relationship, in fact, you don't even have to be in a relationship! But with what you are describing, orchidromantic sounds correct! Another thing, if you are worrying about yourself being wrong and worrying that its a lie.. most of the time when you worry about that its a sign that you are right about it!! Having fear that you aren't who you say you are, 99% of the time? It means you're right; I have personal experience with stuff like that. You've got this!! Plus even if it *is* a phase? guess what! That's okay, this is your journey to figure out; take your time! You'll figure everything out in time.

Thx a lot, this actually really helped :)

I'm still in my crisis but thx :)

3 hours ago, Jot-Aro Kujo said:

Does it really matter? I don't mean that in a sarcastic way, I mean it genuinely. How important to you is it to have such specific labels? Is it something that brings you joy, or something that brings you stress? At the end of the day, labels are meant to help you. If it's helpful to you to be very specific, then I wish you all the best of luck, but I find a lot of people get way too caught up in hypercategorizing everything they experience to the point of causing themselves a lot of distress. I suggest evaluating how worth it to you it is to use a very specific label over an umbrella term, and then once you've figured that out, go from there.

The reason I was so excited when I realized I might be a-spec is because I never really knew who I was before so I felt complete almost. But thx.

45 minutes ago, hemogoblin said:

Lithromantic means a lot of things. There's lots of ways to be lithro without ever being in a relationship.

Any ONE of those is a lithro experience.

But yes. Labels are tools. They are not predetermined categories some omnipotent being set aside for us that we perfectly fit inside. Labels are to help us communicate a simplified version of our feelings to others. Anybody who matters that you want to know more about you is somebody you'll always have more to say about yourself than "I'm lithromantic" even just about being lithromantic.

What label(s) make you happy? What label(s) do you want to use? What label(s) help you communicate what it is you want to communicate to complete strangers? Use that label/those labels. You don't need anything more or less.

There is no test you have to pass to fit a label. There's no diagnostic procedure you can go through. The label(s) you choose are 100% always and only your choice. You can't choose your feelings, but you do choose how you identify.

Also, again, life is full of phases. Life itself is a phase. So what if this is a phase? What happens? You grow out of it and...nobody is harmed. You simply choose another label.

It's weird. So many different labels make me feel happy, I still am in a gender crisis and idk what my pronouns are.

I feel like if what I think I am now was 'just a phase' then I will have to tell everyone I've already come out to. When I first got my a-spec merch things my brothers made jokes about what would happen if this is just a phase and now I feel like I'm just looking for attention.

 

[PumpkinsLinked]

3 hours ago, Isa1116 said:

Thx a lot, this actually really helped :)

I'm still in my crisis but thx :)

The reason I was so excited when I realized I might be a-spec is because I never really knew who I was before so I felt complete almost. But thx.

It's weird. So many different labels make me feel happy, I still am in a gender crisis and idk what my pronouns are.

I feel like if what I think I am now was 'just a phase' then I will have to tell everyone I've already come out to. When I first got my a-spec merch things my brothers made jokes about what would happen if this is just a phase and now I feel like I'm just looking for attention.

 

About the last thing.. Don't listen to your brothers!! They're just upset that you are exploring yourself. It's important to be proud of who you are now! And if you figure out that's not who you are? Then you can look back on it, and see it as a positive thing! All your past identities were a stepping stone to figuring out who you are now, and at this time? The now is all you have to worry about! Not something else at a different time, yeah it's important to figure yourself out! But right now it seems to be causing you stress; take a quick brake! Do a hobby that makes you happy. Once again, you've got this! It's YOUR journey!!! Your brothers should understand that talking like that can be very discouraging. If you feel comfortable with it, you should talk to them about it.. maybe share some resources!

Take your time, aight? It's always okay to take a break.

[Keith]

I understand where your stress came from, but keep in mind that labels were made for you and that they're meant to help you. In other words - it's definitely okay to try out different labels. It's definitely okay to change them often. It's all fine, and it's all normal. I know that it might be hard, so take your time! You don't have to figure out everything right now. If you need it, then take a break. Clear your mind.

[Isa1116]

1 hour ago, PumpkinsLinked said:

About the last thing.. Don't listen to your brothers!! They're just upset that you are exploring yourself. It's important to be proud of who you are now! And if you figure out that's not who you are? Then you can look back on it, and see it as a positive thing! All your past identities were a stepping stone to figuring out who you are now, and at this time? The now is all you have to worry about! Not something else at a different time, yeah it's important to figure yourself out! But right now it seems to be causing you stress; take a quick brake! Do a hobby that makes you happy. Once again, you've got this! It's YOUR journey!!! Your brothers should understand that talking like that can be very discouraging. If you feel comfortable with it, you should talk to them about it.. maybe share some resources!

Take your time, aight? It's always okay to take a break.

 

25 minutes ago, Keith said:

I understand where your stress came from, but keep in mind that labels were made for you and that they're meant to help you. In other words - it's definitely okay to try out different labels. It's definitely okay to change them often. It's all fine, and it's all normal. I know that it might be hard, so take your time! You don't have to figure out everything right now. If you need it, then take a break. Clear your mind.

Again, thanks a lot everyone, I think imma take a break from this stuff for a bit. (I'll still be on the website though)

[PumpkinsLinked]

5 minutes ago, Isa1116 said:

 

Again, thanks a lot everyone, I think imma take a break from this stuff for a bit. (I'll still be on the website though)

Aight, if you ever need to talk to anyone to get a second opinion; my DMs are always open. <:]

[DeltaAro]

23 hours ago, Isa1116 said:

I usually just stay as lithromantic but the definition says they fall out of love once in a relationship. I've never been in a relationship so I don't think I can say I'm lithromantic. I want to but I'm going to wait until I have a relationship.

You don't necessarily need a relationship to find out. Lithromantic also means that romantic attraction fades when it is reciprocated, which could happen in the process when forming a relationship.

23 hours ago, Isa1116 said:

I might be wrong and I'm just scared this is a phase or something and I'm lying to myself. :(

There isn't anything wrong with it just being a phase. If you feel differently later, that will come naturally.

15 hours ago, Isa1116 said:

The reason I was so excited when I realized I might be a-spec is because I never really knew who I was before so I felt complete almost. But thx.

If you cannot find a good label, despite a lot of searching, in the end there's always quioromantic. That fits by definition, then. Otherwise, good luck!