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Am I ace? (Maybe slight tw?)


Lunar

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Alright here are the things I do know:

- I like sexual contact, at least through online role-play, and in fantasies, but in real life, I'm not too sure, I mean I think it depends, like for example touching private areas: I would never touch anyone there, and I do not want anyone to touch me there, but that's probably just preference

- I do fantasize about doing "it" sometimes, but not often, and when I do, I feel guilty and gross

- I've had "Oh, I want to do that" type of thoughts, but not with any specific person in general, as if it's not directed towards anyone

- I don't want to do that to like someone found sexually attractive, nor would i do that with someone close

- I don't find anyone hot/sexy/sexually attractive

- I want sexual relationships, but unsure if I feel that way

- I do have a libido (Ace people can have this, I think-)

- When I masturbate, it's like my desire has been fulfilled, and I become sex repulsed, and not desiring sex at all

- I can relate to Asexual videos/tiktoks

- The label gives me a sense of community (alongside aro)

- I want the flag to be my flag (though idk if this counts, probably not, but *shrugs*)

- I'd be alright with being ace

- Sex is not everything to me, just something I could do for pleasure or reproductive reasons, (though even doing it for reproductive is not something I'd do that for), or because someone would want it

- I've thought I was allo a few days ago, but now I'm not too sure

- Right now I feel like I might be in between allo and ace

That's all I know on this topic, so far. Unimportant, but my therapist has an ace flag in her office, she let me wave it, and I really want that flag, cause it's very pretty.

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15 minutes ago, Keith said:

Well, I myself am asexual and I relate to all of the things you've listed here, so I think you might be asexual as well!! 

Thank you. It's good to feel not alone.

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11 hours ago, The Lost One said:

- I like sexual contact, at least through online role-play, and in fantasies, but in real life, I'm not too sure, I mean I think it depends, like for example touching private areas: I would never touch anyone there, and I do not want anyone to touch me there, but that's probably just preference

One thing that may help you sort this out is looking into the difference between sexual attraction and sexual attitude. In the short-term, it may make things more confusing to know that one can experience sexual attraction but be sex repulsed or otherwise not want to have sex just like one can never experience sexual attraction and yet be sex favorable and desire sex. In the long-term, though, once you've sorted through your feelings and wants and such, it can help give you more language for communicating about yourself. :)

11 hours ago, The Lost One said:

- I do fantasize about doing "it" sometimes, but not often, and when I do, I feel guilty and gross

This is a bit tangential, but this is actually a really common phenomena amongst both allosexuals and aces to the point where it's been studied before about how sexual arousal changes our disgust levels. It helps explain why people have kinks that they would never entertain in non-sexual real life scenarios. When sex is involved, it really can impact our way of thinking. Just mentioning it because, no matter what your orientation, this is actually a pretty common experience, especially when sexual interests (including having any interest at all) are so different from our everyday impulses/desires.

11 hours ago, The Lost One said:

- I do have a libido (Ace people can have this, I think-)

Correct. Asexuality is typically defined as low or no sexual attraction and says nothing inherent about anybody's libido. Some aces have libido, others don't. There are some people who have sexual attraction but low or no libido and may indeed choose to identify as asexual for that reason, which is entirely valid. Our labels are a choice! Not something you should feel forced into.

11 hours ago, The Lost One said:

- The label gives me a sense of community (alongside aro

- I'd be alright with being ace

Talk about burying the lede!

This right here is all anybody else needs to know. This is what identity is about.

Identities are not exclusive clubs where you need to pass a series of tests to gain entry. All you have to do to be valid as [x] identity/label is to accept/use the label as your own. That's it. There's no bar you have meet. No level you have to be. No money you have to have. All you have to do to be an identity is to identify that way.

Labels are just simplified tools we've developed to more quickly and easily communicate with each other. They are not inherent, strict, or rigid categorizations you must fit neatly inside. They are vastly simplified words we use to quickly relate a common experience. That's it. There are many, many, many ways to be any identity. They only have a vague similarity in common. And within these groups, people may find other similarities. But labels are not nice and neat boxes anyone easily fits into with no other descriptors or conversations necessary if you want to convey more depths of your experiences. They're a quick and easy "hey, I don't really relate to sex the way the majority of society seems to" kinda thing.

A label is as useful as you make it. If you want to identify a way, then do so! That's all you need. You don't need permission. You don't need a vote in. If a term is useful for you, then utilize it however you want! There is absolutely no higher power that can come down, scoop you up like Little Bunny Foo-Foo, and declare you're doing it wrong. It a label is useful to you, that's great! Use it when it's useful. Don't use it when it's not. It's all up to you.

11 hours ago, The Lost One said:

- I've thought I was allo a few days ago, but now I'm not too sure

That's fine. You don't have to be sure now or ever. You can use ace when it's useful. You can use allo when it's useful. You can weave those lines. You can be "asexual but/except" or "allosexual but/except". You can be questioning. Life is a journey. A process. You don't have to know now - and you may not ever know know because a lot of the human experience is confusing and messy and complicated. It's frustrating when you're the authority on your feelings but you'd rather just have a test that can tell you one way or another. Unfortunately, that's not how it works! It's always ever your choice and that choice may be fluid over time.

11 hours ago, The Lost One said:

- Right now I feel like I might be in between allo and ace

You can be that! I'd suggest looking into gray-asexuality and modalities. Unfortunately, right now, the majority of modality write-ups out there are for gender, but it's only a matter of time before we extend this more seriously to sexuality and romanticism considering we've already been blurring the lines there for decades of labeling (ex. heteroflexible/homoflexible versus bisexual, plus things like orchidsexual, aceallo-unsure, laimosexual , etc.). Binaries suit no one, and you're not the first person I've heard to express a sentiment such as the above.

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I mean from what I understand the definition of asexual is "doesn't experience sexual attraction". You just said you don't find anyone sexually attractive, so... You pretty much answered your own question. I mean, obviously it's up to you to decide how to label your experiences, no one can truly tell you if you're xyz, but like... I mean that does what it do yug

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17 hours ago, The Lost One said:

- The label gives me a sense of community (alongside aro)

- I want the flag to be my flag (though idk if this counts, probably not, but *shrugs*)

That's enough for you to identify as ace, you don't need more.

Also, it's all about your choice but from what you described you could indeed be somewhere on the spectrum 

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  • 1 month later...
On 3/28/2023 at 7:08 AM, Eclipse said:

- When I masturbate, it's like my desire has been fulfilled, and I become sex repulsed, and not desiring sex at all

 

I relate to this quite a lot and I'm asexual! 

Also, if you don't find anyone sexually attractive, you're most likely ace lol!

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  • 3 months later...

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