Genuine AroAce Question With Curiosity and Confusion

[Lunar Nova]

So it's kind of a weird question, but first off some bg info. I'm a Hetero-Oriented Sex-Repulsed Aro Ace and I'm Anti-Touch with people I don't know very well or at all. I don't really have an interest in a relationship but whenever I sleep at night I wish I had someone behind me hugging me during the night. Is that a weird thing, for someone who don't even want a romantic relationship?

Or could I just be touch starved? or my slight fear of abandonment maybe? I'm so confused...

Edited March 15, 2023 by KoconutBounty

[rob]

Not weird at all, you can be touch starved and touch averse

[Lunar Nova]

thing is its only been happening for bout half a year 

[hemogoblin]

The thing with humans is that there really is no such thing as weird. There are 8 billion people alive right now. There have been about 117 billion people ever born.

Billion is so huge a number that we can't even really comprehend it.

A million seconds is 12 days. A billion seconds is 32 YEARS.

A million minutes ago was April 2021, the height of the COVID pandemic. A billion minutes ago was November 121 CE, the height of the Roman Empire.

A million grams is roughly 1.1 tons, which is equal to one walrus OR one Chevrolet Corvettes OR one grown male polar bears. A billion grams is roughly 1102 tons, which is equal to 5.5 adult blue whales OR 7 Statue of Liberty’s.

A billion is HUGE. The amount of people alive right now is MASSIVE. The amount of people that has ever existed is ENORMOUSLY GINORMOUS.

Everything that could be thought, felt, dreamed, desired, repulsive... it's all been experienced before. By multiple people. That multiple is potentially in the billions. Definitely in the millions.

So there is no such thing as a weird feeling. People are too diverse for that. There are too many people for that. Any feeling you describe, I guarantee multitudes of others have experienced.

And people are too complex for us to dig in and understand exactly why we feel whatever we feel. There could be tons of reasons why you experience this. Sure, you could be touch starved. Maybe you just live in a society where touch repulsion isn't respected and this desire is your brain trying to make sense of your feelings compared to what society demands of you. This could be some primitive urge that kicks in just as your brain is shutting off conscious processing and is ultimately meaningless. It could be fear of things in the dark and your brain has decided that having someone with you would make you safer. Perhaps it's loneliness, and one way your brain thinks to combat this is by safe physical touch even though it's not something you generally feel safe with.

The question is: does this thought harm you in some way? If so, what can be done to mitigate this harm? And mitigating the harm could include accepting that humans are full of contradictions and hypocrisies and that desiring to be held at night doesn't mean it's something you physically, legitimately want or are comfortable with, just that it's something you think at night when you're alone and that's fine.

Edited March 15, 2023 by hemogoblin

[Lunar Nova]

15 hours ago, hemogoblin said:

The thing with humans is that there really is no such thing as weird. There are 8 billion people alive right now. There have been about 117 billion people ever born.

Billion is so huge a number that we can't even really comprehend it.

A million seconds is 12 days. A billion seconds is 32 YEARS.

A million minutes ago was April 2021, the height of the COVID pandemic. A billion minutes ago was November 121 CE, the height of the Roman Empire.

A million grams is roughly 1.1 tons, which is equal to one walrus OR one Chevrolet Corvettes OR one grown male polar bears. A billion grams is roughly 1102 tons, which is equal to 5.5 adult blue whales OR 7 Statue of Liberty’s.

A billion is HUGE. The amount of people alive right now is MASSIVE. The amount of people that has ever existed is ENORMOUSLY GINORMOUS.

Everything that could be thought, felt, dreamed, desired, repulsive... it's all been experienced before. By multiple people. That multiple is potentially in the billions. Definitely in the millions.

So there is no such thing as a weird feeling. People are too diverse for that. There are too many people for that. Any feeling you describe, I guarantee multitudes of others have experienced.

And people are too complex for us to dig in and understand exactly why we feel whatever we feel. There could be tons of reasons why you experience this. Sure, you could be touch starved. Maybe you just live in a society where touch repulsion isn't respected and this desire is your brain trying to make sense of your feelings compared to what society demands of you. This could be some primitive urge that kicks in just as your brain is shutting off conscious processing and is ultimately meaningless. It could be fear of things in the dark and your brain has decided that having someone with you would make you safer. Perhaps it's loneliness, and one way your brain thinks to combat this is by safe physical touch even though it's not something you generally feel safe with.

The question is: does this thought harm you in some way? If so, what can be done to mitigate this harm? And mitigating the harm could include accepting that humans are full of contradictions and hypocrisies and that desiring to be held at night doesn't mean it's something you physically, legitimately want or are comfortable with, just that it's something you think at night when you're alone and that's fine.

That honestly makes a lot of sense. Thank you for that, Hemogoblin. ^^

[Holmbo]

For a while I was kinda longing for someone to hug me in the night, even though I knew in real life I've never enjoyed sleeping next to someone. My solution was to imagine someone hugging me, if I really think about the sensation in my mind it feels good. In the same way I sometimes imagine rubbing my own arms because it calms me, I don't have to actually rub them, just the imagination has an effect.

So my advice to you is too try out pretending someone is hugging you. Really imagine the sensation as vividly as you can and embrace it. 

[hemogoblin]

On 3/18/2023 at 2:40 PM, Holmbo said:

For a while I was kinda longing for someone to hug me in the night, even though I knew in real life I've never enjoyed sleeping next to someone. My solution was to imagine someone hugging me, if I really think about the sensation in my mind it feels good. In the same way I sometimes imagine rubbing my own arms because it calms me, I don't have to actually rub them, just the imagination has an effect.

So my advice to you is too try out pretending someone is hugging you. Really imagine the sensation as vividly as you can and embrace it. 

Oh! In this vein, I wonder if you have a weighted blanket or if one might be reassuring/useful?

EDIT: Sorry this was confusing. I was just building off of this post, but I did mean to direct it to the OP!

Edited March 20, 2023 by hemogoblin

[Holmbo]

4 hours ago, hemogoblin said:

Oh! In this vein, I wonder if you have a weighted blanket or if one might be reassuring/useful?

I've not tried this. Two of my friends tried it and one really liked it but the other one thought it meaningless. If you're interested in one maybe see if you can borrow one to try first.

[hemogoblin]

Oop, this crossed my dash today, and I thought of you, KoconutBounty.

[Lunar Nova]

1 hour ago, hemogoblin said:

Oop, this crossed my dash today, and I thought of you, KoconutBounty.

...yes

XD