Second thoughts about if it’s a crush or squish?

[luca]

context points:

-I’m trans (nb/guy)

-I’m definitely ace

-been using the aro label, sometimes the quoiromantic label

 

So I have a friend that I met around last September. We see each other every week for d&d with the group.  I immediately noticed that they’re really good-looking, but it didn’t extend beyond that. I’ve pondered this before regarding this friend and came to the very definitive conclusion that what I feel for them is some mix of:

aesthetic attraction

a squish

gender envy

When we met, they had said something about having an s/o, so i knew they had a partner. Didn’t bother me, I just wanted (and still do want) to be friends. But today their s/o came with them to d&d and the second I walked in and saw them together (kind of cuddling but more just sitting really close & holding hands) I suddenly felt super jealous. Idk why, I wasn’t jealous before, even tho I knew they had a gf. But now that I saw their s/o, I felt jealous. I kind of resented her for no apparent reason. And I’m worried that it means that I do have a crush on this friend after all. I don’t want to have a crush on them, I want us to be ‘just’ really good friends (not going to put relationship types on pedestals). I don’t want anything to change, cuz I like our current relationship. We went to an escape room & back to their place & played COD & Minecraft a week-ish ago and it was one of the happiest days for me in a long time. And I could not even act on these feelings if it is a crush, they have a gf.

I think that what I’m feeling is still a mix of gender envy/squish/aesthetic attraction, but the jealousy thing is making me question myself and my feelings. 

 

I guess I just need some advice. Or someone to tell me that they relate. I don’t have anyone to talk to irl about this bc though one of my ace friends is trans, the other one is not and neither are aro. Anyway, thanks for reading. 

[hemogoblin]

Friends can be upset/jealous when friends date because they are afraid their friend will spend less time with them or de-prioritize their friendship. It doesn't inherently or only point to your being romantic feelings. You mention being afraid of the friendship changing, and friendships do often change when one or more of the people get into romantic relationships, so I would say it's reasonable to say that's where your jealousy stems from.

Edited March 2, 2023 by hemogoblin

[HelloThere]

Yeah, I’m not one able to judge but it doesn’t sound like you want to date that person as much as you are afraid of losing the friendship. I’m not really sure but it doesn’t sound like the “conventional” crush.