context points:
-I’m trans (nb/guy)
-I’m definitely ace
-been using the aro label, sometimes the quoiromantic label
So I have a friend that I met around last September. We see each other every week for d&d with the group. I immediately noticed that they’re really good-looking, but it didn’t extend beyond that. I’ve pondered this before regarding this friend and came to the very definitive conclusion that what I feel for them is some mix of:
aesthetic attraction
a squish
gender envy
When we met, they had said something about having an s/o, so i knew they had a partner. Didn’t bother me, I just wanted (and still do want) to be friends. But today their s/o came with them to d&d and the second I walked in and saw them together (kind of cuddling but more just sitting really close & holding hands) I suddenly felt super jealous. Idk why, I wasn’t jealous before, even tho I knew they had a gf. But now that I saw their s/o, I felt jealous. I kind of resented her for no apparent reason. And I’m worried that it means that I do have a crush on this friend after all. I don’t want to have a crush on them, I want us to be ‘just’ really good friends (not going to put relationship types on pedestals). I don’t want anything to change, cuz I like our current relationship. We went to an escape room & back to their place & played COD & Minecraft a week-ish ago and it was one of the happiest days for me in a long time. And I could not even act on these feelings if it is a crush, they have a gf.
I think that what I’m feeling is still a mix of gender envy/squish/aesthetic attraction, but the jealousy thing is making me question myself and my feelings.
I guess I just need some advice. Or someone to tell me that they relate. I don’t have anyone to talk to irl about this bc though one of my ace friends is trans, the other one is not and neither are aro. Anyway, thanks for reading.
