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American friendship dynamics, is it the same around the globe?


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So romance ain't for you, you want friends, but you live in America. Well buckle up because its gonna be a fantastically odd experience. 

What do you find strange about the ways American socialize as either someone from the states or from overseas?

TLDR: Friendships in America are hard to maintain, and to get after high school or college, cars, shopping centers contribute to this difficulty.

Once you have a friendship people especially men typically do activities the majority of the time, not sharing themselves. People are unapproachable and unsociable, even paranoid to begin with. Meeting strangers for outings is like tinder dates in a way without romance and really weird since you have no propinquity. Distance in place or time

People don’t always say what they mean making it hard to form genuine connections.

Compared to America is it easier to meet people and socialize overseas? What do you think American friendship culture is all about?


Heres a list of random factoids that seem rather random but play a roll in this American friendship culture in my view. (More in depth deep dive) 

Cars, atomization, subdivisions.

The ways to meet new people are not supported by society after high school where everyone was your age, and you spent time with each other for years. 

I partly blame cars, parking lots, shopping centers, and suburban planning with no walkable cities. Enjoyable public spaces where you can meet new people, hang out with friends, relax and eat outside without looking at cars and an employee telling you to leave for the next customer to sit. 3rd places would help out a lot. 

 Having an environment that encourages community rather than solely profit oriented shopping centers and atomized city planning is paramount for socializing. 


Rush subdivisions 

“Any escape might help to smooth 
The unattractive truth 
But the suburbs have no charms to soothe 
The restless dreams of youth”


Only an American thing? Idk but men aren’t getting the ladies, and this affects friendship dynamics across the board. Men will abandon a friendship with ease for the chance of getting feminine attention. Once they are dating you rarely see them. Are incels on the rise outside the states? incel means Involuntary celibates btw.
Friendships come and go so quickly in the states, and friend groups start splitting apart very quickly after joining the workforce. You notice your parents never really talk to their friends from long ago, or they have new friends. Mostly they talk with family, Grandma, relatives, inlaws, meeting the grandchildren. 

Friendships are ultimately very transactional here. Theres no loyalty or desire to make friendship bonds familial or lasting.

People use each other for activities , for clubbing buddies, for free therapy without care about you in return, for your personality, for business, for social status points, for answers in school. Friendships are all self absorbed / self benefited, not about sharing yourself and keeping in touch, actually liking that person and staying around for many years to come.


The economy does not support friendships either for example people moving for work. 

Genuine connection is difficult, since people are socialized from a young age not to say what they mean under the vin ere of politeness. This training is for work interactions, awkward greeting interactions essentially.

In friendships though you have to show the other person who you are and that doesn’t seem to happen much. Men never talk feelings so theres that. Maybe they say, I have a crush on x during middle school but thats the extent of it.

I really don’t know my friends of 9 years that well on a personal level. Guys usually enjoy doing shared activities, competing with video games, watching shows, talking legos, joking around, sharing memes.

But under neath all that how do I know them, how would I if we never genuinely shared ourselves.

Also when you develop different interests, and your friendships are based on enjoying shared activities, how are those friendships suppose to last.

If you don’t know who each other are outside of, I like this game, and Star Wars, and collecting action figures, how are you supposed to stay friends? People are there for the activity not for getting to know you.

People are actors. When people say how are you? Are you okay? do you feel they really mean it, or they’re saying that to be polite due to their social conditioning? Asking for contact information after college or high schools while never hearing from anyone. Meeting them in public but never hearing back from them about going to lunch. People don't mean what they say and do, they act. Flakers

A few examples Rid gives on her channel (I don’t know her name). She was in a zoom class during the pandemic and everyone was asked, how are you all coping from the pandemic? Some people where honest and said it was depressing, others said yes I am coping and lied. Again do the teachers actually ask genuinely?

Another, Rid wears her hair in a big bun and asks others what they think. She finds it hard in this culture to believe people aren’t just pretending to like it. She wants to hear it looks terrible, if thats your honest opinion, but honesty is rare.


“All the world's indeed a stage 
And we are merely players 
Performers and portrayers 
Each another's audience 
Outside the gilded cage”

Rush limelight inspired by Shakespeare

People just come and go because there’s rarely real connections, sharing who each other are.

People are so polarized about politics here it’s almost impossible to find people who just want to chill. I mean Im not saying politics isn’t important, its dumb but still very important. Also its hard to be friends with someone whose political party espouses discrimination as a virtue. Im very political myself. Im afraid the environments not going to change anytime soon but it wasn’t like it is now.

I need to talk about cold approach and dating because this relates a lot to the lack of propinquity. The definition, nearness in place or time. 

Back in the olden times people lived in the same village or area their entire lives. People weren’t going out with strangers to dinner. No no, they where already well acquainted, they just finally had time to be by themselves one on one to know each other more. 

Now people go out with complete strangers, or they meet at clubs or bars. Going up to someone you don’t know for a date / cold approaching 🥶, its not natural. Theres a reason people have social anxiety. This environment is whack, its not how we lived for many years up until now. Going out with strangers is weird.

Aros go on outings with strangers perhaps for non romantic reasons but the same awkwardness exists. The social anxiety is natural, you don’t know this person at all really. 


its hard to find people who are actually interested in getting to know you and share themselves genuinely to begin with. Its all smoke and mirrors fakery.

Antisocial Paranoid Isolationists

Now all this is assuming you talk with someone to begin with but even thats an issue. People have icewalls around them, there’s even a term for talking with strangers, breaking the ice. Interesting term, it’s referring to this isolation mentality Americans tend to have.

People aren’t very sociable from default making meeting new people rather awkward to attempt. There’s also stranger danger paranoia here.

I am a rock I am an Island Paul Simon

People even are islands in crowds they stick in groups and don’t interact with each other. Only talk to who you know but how are you suppose to meet NEW people in this type of environment.

Society tells you the problem is with the individual, and then there’s self improvement. Self improvement is helpful sure, but its cope for a bigger issue.

Interacting should be natural not met with awkwardness and ice barriers.

It seems the general attitude is that society is normal and works out only individuals are to blame for their own problems. I think the society is unable to see its own faults. Its the individuals fault not society, thats the big lie.

If your not maintaining a fake social mask, insert wojack meme. Break the npc bit and say your unhappy then your seen as strange. On the inside many people are unhappy but unwilling to question why, or the society limiting them sociably.  Americans develop inferiority complexes to mask their true demons and anxieties.

Suppress yourself and be normal or else your a weirdo. The big people sociably are actors. Coincidence, I think not. They are literally fake, putting on facades, you have to be fake to thrive here.

People are programmed not to see any of this. If you complain then people fear being labeled a loser.

People have very surface leveled shallow conversations, I mean we don’t have to talk philosophy, the state of the world, etc., but just share who you are. 

The time, energy and investment it takes to meet new people in this type of environment along with one big hindrance amatonrmativity makes finding people long lasting friendships very difficult.


Is it easier to meet people and socialize overseas? Where do you live and how is it easier than the states? Do you live here and have some experiences of your own with some of the topics I mentioned? What do you think American friendship culture is all about?

If you read this far, jee wizz, hope you got something out of my long dithyramb. Meaning long exhortation to American friendship dynamics.

Some vids that inspired me



Rid97527 (The problem with friendships in America)




Not Just bikes third places




Edited by Ikarus
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Lots of material here. For now I'll just agree that car centric planning definitely lead to more isolation. As an urban planer I'm saddened by how urban spaces has become a privilege of the rich. Often it's even against the law to build new such environments.

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