I'm not sure where to go from here...

[Anonymous]

Recently, I have been seeing someone. They are a lovely friend, we play games and watch anime together, but as soon as we have started to take things a bit further (holding hands and saying think like "my favorite person" or other genuine compliments), I have felt a bit of uneasiness and have wanted to shut down and avoid these feelings. 

My issue is, I'm not sure if I want to stay as friends with this person or if I want to try and pursue a relationship. This would technically be my first relationship, so part of me is wondering if I am afraid because I have never done anything like this before (or if it is genuinely something I do not want). I also have the fear of not wanting to ruining things the way they are if I break the news to them. 

In my head I imagine being romantically intimate, but the thought of actually doing it makes me feel uncomfortable. I'm not quite sure what that means.

Any advice would greatly help, since all of this is super new to me. 

[Ikarus]

You find yourself imagining a romantic relationship with this person, but the thought of actually acting on it causes feelings of uneasiness and discomfort.

Do I have that right?

It’s possible that you may be aegoromantic. Its an identity labeling people who enjoy the idea more than the actual reality of romantic activities.
 

Nevertheless the fact you feel uncomfortable around romantic moments is definitely something you shouldn’t ignore, and I don’t think ignoring it will make it go away.
 

But…it’s your feelings, you will have to decide whether these feelings of discomfort are from nervousness towards new horizons or a warning to be heeded.

Before you talk with them about a romantic relationship I would recommend you journal to yourself and reflect on why you feel uncomfortable. Journaling whats on your mind has always helped me. 

 

Edited December 20, 2022 by Ikarus

[ilse]

1 hour ago, whatistheromance said:

Maybe have a talk with them about it.

This! If you feel uncomfortable with the way things are going in your relationship it is best to talk about those feelings so that way you and your friend can come to an agreement as to where the both of you want to take your relationship next, communication is key 🙆‍♀️

[whatistheromance]

Maybe have a talk with them about it.

[Gaming Addicted]

21 hours ago, Ikarus said:

You find yourself imagining a romantic relationship with this person, but the thought of actually acting on it causes feelings of uneasiness and discomfort.

Do I have that right?

It’s possible that you may be aegoromantic. Its an identity labeling people who enjoy the idea more than the actual reality of romantic activities.
 

Nevertheless the fact you feel uncomfortable around romantic moments is definitely something you shouldn’t ignore, and I don’t think ignoring it will make it go away.
 

But…it’s your feelings, you will have to decide whether these feelings of discomfort are from nervousness towards new horizons or a warning to be heeded.

Before you talk with them about a romantic relationship I would recommend you journal to yourself and reflect on why you feel uncomfortable. Journaling whats on your mind has always helped me. 

 

Yes, you have it right. I will have to look into that, thank you for introducing that term! Thank you for the advice, having a channel to verbalize my feelings will help me figure things out. This is all so new to me and it threw me off guard a bit.

Thank you!

22 hours ago, whatistheromance said:

Maybe have a talk with them about it.

Thank you! I need to spend some time gathering my thoughts and figuring out why I feel this way before I have this conversation. That way, I just might feel prepared.

21 hours ago, ilse said:

This! If you feel uncomfortable with the way things are going in your relationship it is best to talk about those feelings so that way you and your friend can come to an agreement as to where the both of you want to take your relationship next, communication is key 🙆‍♀️

Thank you so much! I definitely agree, having an open line of communication is important to me. I just need to work on my confidence and figure out how to verbalize my thoughts and feelings.