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I have a crush on an aro person


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Hi,

So I have a crush on a person I recently met, let’s call him Jake. I don’t know him super well, but I felt like we have a special connection, and we have really similar interests and quirks. I learned from one of his friends that he is aromantic, and I don’t know what to really do at this point.

Do I let go? Do I tell him how I feel? Is it possible that we can ever become a thing?

Also, I am fairly new to the lgbtq+ community, I only came out as panromantic a few months ago, and I am not super educated about this. 
 

Advice is very very much appreciated, thank you very very much! <33

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I'm not good at advices but all I can do is share what I know ? 

As an aromantic person I would say that is the best for you to give up on that crush and make this person a close friend because that can be really cool. I know you probably can't control your feelings but friendships can be really really cool. If you felt a connection, then that means you can be super friends ! That's cool !

I don't know if you should tell them or not. I would say that communication is always the solution, because this way you can learn more about their aromantism (this is a spectrum, maybe they're not full aromantic), and how they would feel about you. However it can be hard for someone to discover that the person they considered as a friend didn't feel it that way, so if you just have a little crush you may consider not to tell them.

 

I hope someone can give you a better advice but that's what I've got

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Not to give false hope, but some aromantics are open to dating despite not feeling romantic attraction.
As an aro-spec person myself, I do find people asking me out to be a hassle. (It's happened, like.... twice? Turned both down.) But I don't blame people for shooting their shot, I just see the awkwardness of it as being part of the process. I don't think it'd be wrong of you to confess to him, but that's my opinion.

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He may be willing to date, many aromantics are. But he also may be stringently opposed to the idea. That being said, even if he does date you, he won't necessarily return your feelings. Even if he is somewhere on the aro spectrum that does feel romantic attraction, there are many nuances, and your feelings being returned is not a guarantee. I would recommend talking to him to figure out where he is on the aro spectrum, and if he does date, if he will give you what you want out of relationships.

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I think you should evaluate the depth of your crush. If it seems like it will pass soon, then you don't need to tell Jake, it just seems like it will hurt your friendship. However, if it seems like something that will result in your friendship being hurt regardless (if it feels big enough to last, and deep enough that it will be hard to hide), I think you should tell him before your friendship gets too serious, so you can deal with it without him feeling like you kept this giant secret from him

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Honestly, I think you should talk to him about it. You don't necessarily have to tell him that you like him, just see if he's willing to tell you what you need to know. Secondary sources aren't always reliable and he could also be arospec. There's a possibility that he could be willing to have a QPR, but if not, then you probably want to move on. Also, do your best not to make him uncomfortable.

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