Jump to content

Seeking clarity on romantic identity


Recommended Posts

I would like greater clarity/understanding of my romantic identity if anyone wants to share their thoughts or any similar experiences. (I posted this same thing on AVEN, too, but figured it fits here as well & I'd appreciate the input).

I've been thinking about my romantic identity & wondering if I'm missing something or misinterpreting something while figuring it out. I know that folks can be asexual lesbians or aromantic lesbians, but I'm wondering if it's possible to be an acearo lesbian or if that label simply doesn't apply here since I don't actually want to be involved in a relationship myself; I certainly don't want to misappropriate terms.

I'm definitely asexual (sex averse) and on the aromantic spectrum. I'm anegoromantic (often spelled aegoromantic); I very much enjoy romance between people (live action/real people, not animated) in many forms of media (movies, tv, celebrities, books - both fiction & non-fiction, documentaries, biographies, etc), but only as long as at least one of the folks involved in the romance is a woman. I like both heteroromantic and lesbian relationships (from a 3rd person perspective, not 1st), but I'm completely indifferent to the men in them. This makes me question my romantic identity a bit. 

I am romance averse when it comes to me personally, romance indifferent when it comes to pda between other folks around me, and romance favorable in media involving women. I'm also nonamorous & a cisgender woman.

I don't tend to use microlabels with other folks, but I find they're sometimes helpful for myself & I've been researching them in my journey of self-awareness. I stumbled across monoromantic & orchidromantic, but wasn't sure if they fit here either.

I'm interested in learning your thoughts & thanks in advance for sharing them.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I'm aromantic (romance ambivalent) and nonbinary (gender neutral, but closer to the masculine part of spectrum). Talking about fiction: I prefer m/m content and I'm avoiding het. I'm okay with f/f content, but it's not really my cup of tea.

It's possible to be aroace lesbian/gay/etc because of tertiary orientation. But using it to say about what you like in fiction… I wouldn't be sure about it.

  • Thanks 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites

The term "aroace lesbian" is for me related to the oriented aroaces, aka aroaces who feel one or more other attraction, strongly enough to label it. So if you tell me you are an aroace lesbian, that's what I would think about, which would be confusing as it seems to not be what you mean.

I don't think orchidromantic or monoromantic fits as it is about feeling romantic attraction, but you don't seem to feel it from what you say. There is fictoromantic for people attracted to fictional character but again, you don't seem to be attracted to them from what you say.


Just a suggestion, but can "lesbian romance favorable aroace" work ?

  • Like 1
  • Thanks 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites

17 hours ago, Jigen said:

tertiary orientation

Like aesthetic? (I definitely experience that).

17 hours ago, nonmerci said:

can "lesbian romance favorable aroace" work

That's likely accurate.

Thanks both of you for your responses. I appreciate it. As I think more on it, I'm still figuring out the romantic attraction part (just for me, personally) - I think there may be more from my past I have to unpack. I know what I want & don't want, but I'm still not 100% sure about what I actually feel/experience or not. I'll keep analyzing. I'm somewhere in the ace & arospec umbrella. Journey of self discovery continues. 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Join the conversation

You are posting as a guest. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.
Note: Your post will require moderator approval before it will be visible.

Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Paste as plain text instead

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.

  • Create New...