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Looking on myself recently, i am starting to feel more and more that i could be aro, could you guys help me out here ?


Jirago
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Hello everyone,
I have always wonder what crushs are or how I should identify them. From 14 to 15 years old, I wondered if I was bi cause I did not feel having any attraction to girls (in a romantic way) or boys, and I thaught it was supposed to happen. After a few experiences, I realised that I did enjoy sex or any derivative, but only with girls, which put this out of the way. I have had a girlfriend in my 16-18 but I left her because I did not fell "in love" with her. Moreover I realised recently (I'm now in my 20es) that I wasn't really looking to date anyone to date.

The thing is I really like to cuddle, and I know I can only do it with someone that feels close to me, and I had a few sex-friends in the last years, but never a romantic partner.

The other thing I am asking myself is that I have been diagnosed with depression (currently under treatment) and I know that lack of romantic attraction is one of the symptoms.

So I came here today to try to find myself out, maybe with your help ^^.

Thanks for reading (sorry if my english is bad, it is not my original language), and thanks a lot if you consider answering.

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2 hours ago, Jirago said:

I realised that I did enjoy sex or any derivative, but only with girls, which put this out of the way.

you didnt specify whether you are sexually attracted to your sex partners. if not then youre just a sex favorable ace but if you do youre probably homosexual

2 hours ago, Jirago said:

The thing is I really like to cuddle, and I know I can only do it with someone that feels close to me, and I had a few sex-friends in the last years, but never a romantic partner.

demisensual and aromantic perhaps?

2 hours ago, Jirago said:

The other thing I am asking myself is that I have been diagnosed with depression (currently under treatment) and I know that lack of romantic attraction is one of the symptoms.

requisromantic it is

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43 minutes ago, sevan said:

you didnt specify whether you are sexually attracted to your sex partners. if not then youre just a sex favorable ace but if you do youre probably homosexual

 

I wasnt clear, I was born a male and still identifies as one. Did you mean heterosexual ?

 

45 minutes ago, sevan said:

demisensual and aromantic perhaps?

I can feel sensual attraction to people i dont know, I can find someone hot and want to have sex with that personn, but that's about how far my emotions can go.

 

47 minutes ago, sevan said:

The thing is that I dont recall having any sorts of romantic attraction at any given moment of my childood/life


I also forgot to mention I have a strong bond with my friends, but close to not at all with my family, except from knowing them.

Anyway thks a lot for your time and attention

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5 minutes ago, Jirago said:

I wasnt clear, I was born a male and still identifies as one. Did you mean heterosexual ?

i didnt notice that and i thought i read that you were afab. i got that wrong and i apologize

6 minutes ago, Jirago said:

I can feel sensual attraction to people i dont know, I can find someone hot and want to have sex with that personn, but that's about how far my emotions can go.

thank you for specifying. then you most likely feel dominant sensual attraction

if you feel dominant sexual attraction then yes youre most likely allosexual. though its your label your choice so you can choose to be unlabeled

7 minutes ago, Jirago said:

The thing is that I dont recall having any sorts of romantic attraction at any given moment of my childood/life
I also forgot to mention I have a strong bond with my friends, but close to not at all with my family, except from knowing them.

strictly aromantic til proven otherwise then. idk about the bond thing so im not going to say anything about it but thats all the labels i can recommend to you

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26 minutes ago, sevan said:

i didnt notice that and i thought i read that you were afab. i got that wrong and i apologize

No problems really.
 

 

26 minutes ago, sevan said:

strictly aromantic til proven otherwise then. idk about the bond thing so im not going to say anything about it but thats all the labels i can recommend to you

Thanks again for your time and help. I will look into that.

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8 hours ago, Jirago said:

I have had a girlfriend in my 16-18 but I left her because I did not fell "in love" with her.

Were you romantically attracted to/infatuated with her at some point, and it just never turned into anything "more"? Did it fade over time, or did you not feel romantic attraction at all?

In regards to the depression, have you had any treatment for it? If so, did your symptoms improve? Because if they did, but you still had a lack of attraction, then I'd say it's probably not your depression

But either way, if you don't feel romantic attraction then you can call yourself aromantic. Even if it is a symptom of your depression. If calling yourself aro feels right to you, then you can use the label. Cuddling also doesn't have to be inherently romantic, a lot of aro spectrum people like to cuddle.

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2 hours ago, Apex said:

Were you romantically attracted to/infatuated with her at some point, and it just never turned into anything "more"? Did it fade over time, or did you not feel romantic attraction at all?

I really liked her because we had a lot in common, but looking back I think from my side it was more of a "friend with benefit" relationship (which I didn't realise at the time, and when I did I broke up with her).

 

2 hours ago, Apex said:

In regards to the depression, have you had any treatment for it? If so, did your symptoms improve? Because if they did, but you still had a lack of attraction, then I'd say it's probably not your depression

Yep I am currently taking a treatment, but I am not feeling any change, but I will not bother with this because I do not feel like this is the right place. Also I do not know for how long I have been depressed, but again I don't remember having a crush on anyone as a child.

 

2 hours ago, Apex said:

But either way, if you don't feel romantic attraction then you can call yourself aromantic. Even if it is a symptom of your depression. If calling yourself aro feels right to you, then you can use the label. Cuddling also doesn't have to be inherently romantic, a lot of aro spectrum people like to cuddle.

Those are both things that are really good to know. I guess from now on I will refer to me as aro.

 

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It's up to you to discover who you are, but what you say is consistent with being an aromantic heterosexual.

 

About the depression part, I think the real symptom is not "no romantic attraction" but "decrease of romantic attraction", and that it is linked to a general state of "decrease of interests for a lot of things". I suppose it would also had affected your sexual attraction if it was that but I'm not sure.

Anyway it is the variation of romantic attraction that matters on my opinion. But something that is not there can't vary. So if you were already not having crushes before, it is likely that depression has nothing to do with that.

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