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I don't know how to feel [TW]


Fanz_0__Fire
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First off, massive trigger warning of homophobia, racism and talks of violence. 

Say there's this person you know. You see them every day, several times a day. There is no way to avoid him and every person you would talk to about it who would solve the issue would be required to disclose your name as being the one to complain. But this guy is pretty bad.

First off, he calls people r-worded all the time including several of your friends and glorifies people like hitler as well as says the n-word both with and without the hard r fairly frequently.

Not only this, but he talks about gay people all the time. He will yell fuck the gays randomly or tell people you know that they can be 'changed. But tonight, you feel like you're at a cross-roads.

Conversation that happened today:

Him: Fuck the gays

Me: (attempting to defuse the situation) Yeah but like, fuck the gays am I right

Him: Yeah sure, fuck the gays. Line them up right in front of me and I will. There'll just be a shotgun involved after if you know what I mean.

And then, after some akward laughing on my end, I shit you not, He pulls this:

Him: And you can be in line first.

 

Given the first part of this, I am hesitant to say anything to people, but I'm not sure how much longer I can keep this under control. If these are the things he can 'joke' about, I am hesitant to find out how far he would actually be willing to go given the chance.

Please help me figure this one out

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im kind of confused about what you need help with. do you need help with controlling your feelings toward him or you need help handling future situations like these?

i dont really know what to say because i would ignore him and rant about him to my friends if he gets on my nerves. id try my best to get away from him as much as possible because i dont need that hatred and insensitivity in my life

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1 minute ago, sevan said:

im kind of confused about what you need help with.

I have to see him several times a day with no way to avoid it. He says things like this all the time and a lot of people I know have come very close to filing a complaint. I'm one of the only people that isn't his friend that spends this much time with him. I just don't really think anything he says is okay, and I don't know. He's been escalating things lately and I don't want to be the one to snitch, but I also don't want anything bad to happen.

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1 minute ago, Fanz_0__Fire said:

I have to see him several times a day with no way to avoid it. He says things like this all the time and a lot of people I know have come very close to filing a complaint. I'm one of the only people that isn't his friend that spends this much time with him. I just don't really think anything he says is okay, and I don't know. He's been escalating things lately and I don't want to be the one to snitch, but I also don't want anything bad to happen.

i dont know but telling him to stop with a group is probably the best since again a lot of people you know dont like his behavior either. filing a complaint altogether would be the most effective because thats when the authorities know nobody likes that guy and actually do something about it 

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Is this a work situation with a power relationship?  Subordinate or co-worker?  In today's environment threats of violence must be taken seriously.  His behavior is reportable.  The question is your safety.  There are ways to do this that minimize the risk to you.  But the situation matters a great deal in formulating an effective response. 

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I've seen enough guys like this. They're usually all talk. They talk a big game, but back down when someone they perceive to be stronger a/o more powerful challenges them. Essentially it's about intimidation. If he sees he's intimidating you, he'll keep doing it. He'll only stop when intimidated into doing so. He'll have to be made aware of possible serious repercussions for his behavior. How exactly to achieve that is something you'll have to figure out. In the meantime, stop going along with it with jokes. That just lets him know you're intimidated.

However, if you feel there is a genuine threat of violence either to you or someone else, then your obligation is to get the proper authorities involved. 

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