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am i aro or just an asshole


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hi my name is toby im very confused, ive been in mutiple relationships and it always ends up the same i fall for them like really hard like there all i think about but then when they feel the same i dont feel that way anymore and because i dont want to hurt there feelings i get into a relationship with them but i never acually say what label me and the person have so they dont know what tf is going on so usally they will talk to someone else who really likes them and then they tell me oh i dont feel that way anymore sorry.. ect and that they have found someone else. but insead of me being relived of them not wanting to be in a relasonship i want them back like crazy so i get really heartbroken that they left me. but sometimes that doesnt happen and i dont get into the relasonship with them but instead tell them sorry i dont think this is a good idea we should just be friends but when i find out that they have a crush or something all of the feelings for them come back and then i feel regret for days, or i feel like crap because i do this to everyone im just an asshole at this point. i also love romance stuff like movies and i love heartstopper but when i think about it the idea of having what those people have is just no like i dont want that. idk maybe someone has answers for me or feels the same <33 - toby 

 

Edited by toby green
i didnt finish it sorry
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  • toby green changed the title to am i aro or just an asshole
5 minutes ago, toby green said:

i fall for them like really hard like there all i think about but then when they feel the same i dont feel that way anymore and because i dont want to hurt there feelings 

What you just described fits the lithoromantic label very well. 
 

Lithoromantics feel romantic attraction until romantic attraction is reciprocated by another. https://aromantic.fandom.com/wiki/Lithromantic

 

Heres a meme I made depicting the lithoromantic experience.

 

 

 

 

FB27D7FE-20E1-4317-A7B7-89B7FBBBBFD3.jpeg

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I can't tell you whether or not you're aro- Only you can decide that for yourself- But what I will say is that if you aren't formally in a relationship with someone, you can't expect them to be monogamous with you. If you want to date someone you need to tell them that. I understand that it can be scary to share your feelings, but it's really unfair to people to hold them (consciously or subconsciously) to a relationship standard that you didn't actually tell them about. There's no such thing as a relationship where one person is unaware of being in the relationship- That's just kind of, like, being a stalker or something? And I'm sure that's not your intention, so I don't think you're an asshole. I just think you need to examine yourself and learn to communicate better, that's all.

Edited by Jot-Aro Kujo
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