im upset, any advice?

[jjaee_jaee]

i feel so sad and so selfish, i'm openly arospec to people who ask but im also open about lots of labels that i fit under. i've said many times i'm happily polyamorous as long as its consensual and i'm happy but it's stupid why do i bother when i know i'm arospec?? why do i have this sick voice in my head telling me that more than one person could even come close to loving me knowing im aro??

sometimes i'm completely fine with being who i am, but sometimes i'm reading something cute and romantic it hits me, i will never experience this feeling because i'm apparently too stupid and silly to differentiate this feeling from friendship. i hate it so much, with other aro folk it's fine and i love being supportive, but with myself it's so hard to love myself when i don't even know what love is. it's easy to tell other people that it's alright, but i can't do that with myself. 

i know allos, i know aros but only online, and the allos i've met would never ever even think about being with me because i'm arospec, even when i discuss how i'd be happy to, i will always be different and lonely. i know qprs exist, but i come from the UK and there are little to no aro folks here, let alone any who might want to try a qpr with me. it's so irritating, ahhh!

sorry this is a bit of a downer, i just know people on here are helpful and i'm kind of in need rn., so thank you anyone who can help me turn this around.  

[roboticanary]

best advice I can give is try to stop conflating love with romance. Also stop beating yourself up over not noticing romance.

On 5/16/2022 at 10:11 PM, jjaee_jaee said:

but with myself it's so hard to love myself when i don't even know what love is.

From what I gather you don't really get romance, you can't really distinguish that feeling from friendship. But that doesn't mean you don't know what love is, only that this one form of love is something you don't understand.

This also has no bearing on taking care of yourself, you understand treating yourself right. There is a common but false idea that you either love yourself or hate yourself. not true, you can still treat yourself right without adhering to some sappy slogan about loving yourself.

On 5/16/2022 at 10:11 PM, jjaee_jaee said:

i will never experience this feeling because i'm apparently too stupid and silly to differentiate this feeling from friendship

not experiencing a feeling isn't being stupid. you just don't experience the feeling.

Think this through. 'sorry mate, I know your granny died but I'm just too dumb to feel sad ' blows party horn.

Its ridiculous right, makes no sense. So stop saying you are stupid for not feeling something you just aren't feeling.

[jjaee_jaee]

10 minutes ago, roboticanary said:

 

From what I gather you don't really get romance, you can't really distinguish that feeling from friendship. But that doesn't mean you don't know what love is, only that this one form of love is something you don't understand.

 

mhm, i really struggle to find the difference between what is romantic love and platonic love. i may have teared up a bit whilst reading you reply, as romantic love is something that i so desperately want to have as people seem so happy when in a romantic relationship but reading this makes me realize im not strange for not understanding it, so thank you for that. 

i'm going to try thinking about my identity in a more positive way, as so far i've only really been seeing the cons. thank you again, you made my night with your advice. 

[Sili]

Just in case you havent seen it, this thread might be the sort of thing you're looking for:

Theres perks to being Aro, just like theres perks to being you.