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Periodic Aro Grief


Aversa
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Hey... I identify as Aro since 2020 and I still get those days in which I feel so incredebly lonely. It only last a few hours in which I hate being aromantic and wonder what I did wrong to deserve this. No family, no chance to make my own family and friends slowly drifing into their own family life. At these moments a truly hate everything related to romance. And in these moments it scares me that 20 years from now I will still be living the life I am living now. Maybe in another place, with new friends but... the feeling remains. I know it sounds bad, but it comes and goes. 

 

At this point I believe that these periodic moments of grief will stay forever. Will they? 

 

I wonder if someone has similar experiences...

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I've known I was aro for about a decade and I still feel grief over it sometimes, especially as I get older and see everyone around me getting into serious relationships and settling down. Sometimes I wonder what's wrong with me, and why I had to be separated from everyone like this.

But, being aro doesn't mean that you can't have a family. You can still be in a committed nonromantic/queerplatonic relationship if it's something you want, or search for other aro people to live with and be friends with. Hell, if you want to get married and have kids, don't let being aro stop you from pursuing that because there are probably other aro/ace people who want the same thing.

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7 hours ago, Aversa said:

And in these moments it scares me that 20 years from now I will still be living the life I am living now.

I guess that having a family with children is the one huge, monumental change in the average person’s life; to raise your own small humans must be quite an experience! I regret not having this experience. And obviously many (but not all, we had aro parents here on this board) aros are also missing out on this. So their 20s and 40s feel more similar.

I don’t think we childless aros differ that much from childless alloromantics, though. I do not envy childless alloromantics at all. They usually just have their long history of failed romantic relationships. If that’s the only thing I am missing, I do not care.

Anyway, there still is change in other areas of your life. E. g. professional responsibility. You suddenly make important decisions. Like really important, not just important as your math test next week.

Edited by DeltaV
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I'm a newly discovered Aromantic and I had similar feelings to yours when I realized, they have stopped but I think they will return periodically. You have to remember this feeling not only affects Aros but Allos as well, even the ones with a loving partner and children. There is much more fulfillment in life than merely in romance and raising children. You can build your profession, focus on your passions and interests, build strong friendships, patch up familial relationships, adopt or foster animals in need, do much needed charity work and so much more. The world is simultaneously such an f'ed up place and a marvel to experience and enjoy.  I believe that feeling of dread and loneliness will come back once in a while, but through acceptance and working on other areas in your life, it won't feel as intense. Hope this helped in some way. Good luck.

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