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QPR worries


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I've been in a QPR with my best friend for a few months now. I'm aroace and they are allo, but they are very understanding towards me and I think they understand clearly what a QPR is. But well they are allo - meaning eventually they might have a romantic relationship in the future. I have some abandonment issues, I've had people leave me for their romantic partners before and I'm so scared of it happening again. I've been thinking about it a lot and I feel sick. We've talked about it with my partner before too and they have reassured me I'm important to them and that they would still make time for me, but... I know how romantic relationships can change people. I've seen it before. And I do trust them, I want to trust them. I just don't trust romance :/ I don't want to be the second best again..

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unfortunately it's pretty common for romantic partners to prioritize each other over everyone else. Being second best may very well unfortunately happen with this person. I wish I had better things to say than that. 

 

I didn't say this at first because of the rule of life, "If you have nothing good to say, it's not worth saying." but then there's the rule of life, "don't let someone with a question go unasnwered."

 

yeah I clearly made those rules up on the spot. I hope you feel important to your qpr, and that even when/if they get a romantic partner, you'll still feel important to them. It's what you deserve. whether or not it will happen, is something we just cannot know until it happens. And we have to kind of embrace the unfortunate truths like this. We have to let uncertain be uncertain. Being able to live with uncertainties like this is important. Be prepared for either result to happen.

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Hey, I can tell you as someone who has your exact thoughts, the base for any kind of relationship is trust. If your qpp told you to trust them on this particular issue, then try your best and do so. Yes, there will always be a "maybe they will leave me", but you cannot leave on only maybes, try to build again your trust in partners. Sadly, there is not much you can do, except trust their words. Don't let bad apples from before ruin the next apple pies, you are hurt, you are afraid and it is perfectly fine. Communicate with your partner, communication is key, let them know that you were hurt before. In time, if you let yourself look past your past experiences, you can start building a better future for you and your loved ones.

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