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How do I accept myself as Aromantic?


Guest Erin
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So I have been trying to figure out a label for myself for the past year and I finally realized that I am aromatic and bisexual. I am now having a bit of trouble accepting myself and I don't know how fix that. Before I realized I was aro, I actually labeled myself as greyro because I wanted to make myself think I felt even the tiniest bit of romantic attraction (turns out it was just sensual/sexual/aesthetic attraction). Now that I realized i'm not, i really wish I was...  I often find myself wishing I was allo, or that I was just bi, thinking no one will love me and that I will remain single (I still want a relationship) my whole life. I even thought about (and have occasionally) just told people i'm just bi. I'm also really scared to tell my family/others about me being aro thinking they won't accept me. Any advice?

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I can't really do anything to get you to accept yourself but here are a few thoughts that might make things easier.

First up don't put too much weight in telling your family your sexual or romantic orientation. Why should they care, I sure as hell hope they don't want that sort of relationship with me so they don't need to know as far as I am concerned.

Wishing you weren't aro happens to a lot of people, I think actually most people with any feature outside what society thinks of as normal will at some point wish they fitted in.

I think a lot of trouble with self acceptance comes from having this vision of pure acceptance where you are perfectly happy with who you are and never wish for a different life. That is not how it works, even people who are completely accepting that they are who they are will sometimes wish their life was different. And even people who are completely comfortable with their identity will not enjoy the thought of people close to them not accepting them. That is never nice no matter how well adjusted you are.

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so this is pretty complicated, i think accepting the way you are it's a matter of time, it really is okay to wish you were allo because of how deeply rooted amatonormativity is in our society and brains, but you'll also have to accept eventually that this is who you are and wanting things to be different it's not gonna change that, it doesn't matter how much time this takes you since it's easier said than done. i think knowing that there's absolutely nothing wrong with you, and having people relate to what you're feeling can help, even if it's hard to grasp at first. i totally get what you're feeling because i feel the same, so know that you're not alone in this.

about coming out as aro, personally, i wouldn't recommend it, even less if you're having a hard time accepting your identity, because having someone question it or not accepting it can make it harder process yk? ofc i understand the need to let someone know what you're feeling but sometimes it's better to not really explain things like that to someone that won't get it, it's just exhausting, still, it's your decision, if u still decide to do it i wish you all the luck and that you find someone that understands how you feel and that accepts you just as you are, just remember that you don't owe anyone explanations of what you feel and that no one has the right to minimize this feelings. :) 

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