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I’m going to apologise in advance for the long post but any help/ advice would be appreciated.

So, I have known for a long time that I’m asexual but have also recently realised I am aromantic too. Along the way to this discovery, I read up around the idea of ‘squishes’. I think I may have developed a squish on one of my close friends and I don’t really know what to do.

I feel recently that we have gotten much closer then any of my other platonic relationships ever have been. I love this person so much and they make me so happy. I want to be important to them and spend time around them or talk to them a lot. I am quite a tactile person so I just want to be close to them and cuddle them but wouldn’t want to kiss them or do anything “romantic?”. I also get jealous if they mention that they have other “besties” or at the idea of them being in a relationship but not because I want them to be “mine” but because I feel like they wouldn’t have time for me anymore.

I find it really difficult to cope as I know they don’t feel as strongly about me as I do about them. I find it difficult if they don’t talk to me for a while and go through periods of convincing myself that they don’t like me and that I’m a burden. They know I’m ace and questioning aro but I don’t feel like they would get the concept of a “squish” and it would scare them off. I also don’t want to be too pushy with anything or with my need to be ‘touchy feely’ as I know they probably don’t feel as strongly about me.


Should I tell them I’m squishing? Will this go away and should I just hope for that? This is the first time I’ve experienced anything like this and I don’t know what to do. Hell - it could be a crush for all I know.

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i'm quite new to all of this stuff so take my input with a grain of salt, but i do believe that good communication between friends is important, especially when it comes to emotions.

tell them about your squish, they might be weirded out by it at first but it's obvious that it's affecting your friendship as well as yourself. if they're truly your friend, i'm sure they'll understand ?‍♀️

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2 hours ago, ilse said:

tell them about your squish, they might be weirded out by it at first but it's obvious that it's affecting your friendship as well as yourself. 

I am just so scared to do this. What if they don’t get it? What if they do find it weird and it ruins everything that we have?


I wouldn’t even know how to start a conversation and start explaining this to them without it being weird or seeming overbearing.

Edited by Blaze01
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maybe try explaining what a squish is in a simple manner? like a crush but platonic?

think of it as a common confession, maybe try making some small talk before you bring the topic up, you could explain what a squish is before telling your friend that you're squishing on them.

26 minutes ago, Blaze01 said:

What if they do find it weird and it ruins everything that we have?

you'll never truly know until you take the leap, if your friend wants to remain friends, then they'll attempt to understand your squishes and your identity. if you're still a little iffy on telling them about your squish perhaps you could let some time pass to see if it goes away.

33 minutes ago, Blaze01 said:

seeming overbearing.

it's not overbearing, it's something that you and your friend should discuss since it's really important to you, i promise you you're not being pushy or annoying for wanting to let your feelings be known.

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  • 2 weeks later...

I have had this issue as well! The way I've managed it is explaining to people how important they are to me - I have several friends that I have this kind of closeness too and its taken some adjusting to being open with it. But like. Explaining how they are important to you in a way that is different than romance and physical attraction. Their inner being or like. Their essence of existence is what makes you happy. 

There is no rush tho! If you're not sure they'd handle it well listen to yourself on why you think that. 

But I highly doubt they're thinking anything negative about you. 

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  • 3 weeks later...

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