Greyromantic?

[Aimee03]

TL;DR - If you struggled between the aro or greyro labels, how did you settle on one?

Well here I am, questioning my romantic orientation(?) again. I’ve been using aromantic, but now I’m wondering if I might be greyro?

I’m definitely ace as well, but I do experience other forms of attraction, and I just can’t tell if any of them are romantic? I’ve read examples where people have tried describing their experiences, and they all sound rather intense to me. Like feeling a “pull” toward someone they’re romantically attracted to...what does that even mean? 
I can understand the concept of sexual attraction in a very impersonal, abstract sort of way, but the concept of romantic attraction just boggles my mind. 

Presently, I am 31. I’ve never fallen in love as far as I can tell. I thought I had crushes in the past, but more recently I realised they were most likely squishes, since they were nowhere near as intense as what I’ve seen described. The closest experience I had was a long time ago, around age 19/20, when I was dating a guy from my high school that I really liked...my relationship with him was so consuming that it almost wrecked my relationship with my best friend. I’m not sure if what I felt for him was romantic or not though, but I did want to be with him all the time (which is very strange for me, because I’m introverted and need loads of time alone). Looking back on it, it was weird and I’ve never ever felt like that with anyone else. And oh boy, it took me ages to get over him. 

Anyway, this is really long, so if you’ve read this far, thanks! I’m just trying to get some outside opinions about how to differentiate between aromantic and greyromantic.

Edited April 1, 2021 by Aimee03

[ry3435]

i think you might be greyromantic or even abroromantic because what i've come to understand about allos is that because they have both romantic and sexual feelings they're really passionate since they have a mix, but in a lot of relationships what keeps the couple together is romantic attraction. basically what im trying to say is what you felt for that guy was probably strong romantic feelings, and depending on if you've had similiar experiences since then you are probably either abroromantic or greyromantic

[Aimee03]

4 minutes ago, ry3435 said:

depending on if you've had similiar experiences since then you are probably either abroromantic or greyromantic

Thanks for your reply!

I haven’t had any similar experiences since then, it was just the one time. It’s been around 12 years since then, so I’m not sure why I even remember it...I did feel some sort of love toward him, I suppose, which might be why I remember it. I’m leaning towards greyromantic, but I just wanted some outside opinions like I mentioned before. :)

[Rainy Robin]

I know this probably isn't the most helpful advice, but I'd recommend you just pick the label that feels most natural to you. I think there are so many different ways to be aro or grayro, and whatever word feels best to you is the one you should go with! But if you're looking for other terms as well, you could check out quoiromantic or wtfromantic. Either term means that it's really hard to identify if you experience romantic attraction or not, and it could be a useful term to explore as you reflect on these things.