Slight rant— there is a question!

[Guest Guest unicorn bunny]

Hi! So I started identifying as aromantic at the beginning of quarantine (I’m only out to my 1 lesbian friend who encouraged me to actively figure out my sexuality) and I’ve begun to identify myself in my head as aroace now after reading “Loveless” by Alice Oseman. In the past, I had known that I was not straight. I now believe that what I was seeing was some aesthetic attraction greater more towards women, making me think I was gay. I remember a few years ago in the shower saying “I am gay” but it was coming out so easily that I was like, “wow! This is so easy!” But I didn’t really resonate with the label so it makes sense. However, now when I think about saying “I’m aroace” out loud I panic. I think that’s one of the things that really clued me in to knowing that aroace was the identity that fit me the most, because I became worried about what people would think and it became difficult to think about coming out as aroace whereas coming out as gay in my mind wouldn’t have been difficult.
However, I still struggle a lot with the self-doubt of “am I actually aroace? What if I’m lying to myself because I want to fit in a label” etc. I think one of the hardest things is that with being gay, bi, pan, etc, you know that you have some sort of feelings towards that gender. But with aroace, you don’t know if what you’re feeling is what others would think and I believe that that is what gives a lot of the doubt. 
I still have not been able to say that “I am aroace” out loud and the thought of telling my parents... no thanks! But any suggestions and/or tips would be much loved and appreciated. Thanks for listening to my rant! 

[Lyss123]

Honestly I am relieved that someone has put my thoughts into words. I’ve been experiencing the exact same thing especially regarding the thought that I’m gay. It is hard because you don’t really know what you feel towards anyone. Although I can’t help, you I am in a similar situation 

[Rainy Robin]

I'm sorry that you're stuck with those feelings of self doubt! It sucks. I'm not sure if this helps, but it might be a good idea to just keep in mind that you don't have to use a label and if you choose to label yourself, you don't always have to stick with one label. Sexuality and romantic orientations are fluid and can change throughout your life. So if you want to identify as aroace now and try out the label, go for it! You might change it later, but there's nothing wrong with labeling yourself as aroace and then being receptive to learning more things about your orientation as you move through life. 

[Holmbo]

On 10/3/2020 at 12:43 AM, Rainy Robin said:

I'm sorry that you're stuck with those feelings of self doubt! It sucks. I'm not sure if this helps, but it might be a good idea to just keep in mind that you don't have to use a label and if you choose to label yourself, you don't always have to stick with one label. Sexuality and romantic orientations are fluid and can change throughout your life. So if you want to identify as aroace now and try out the label, go for it! You might change it later, but there's nothing wrong with labeling yourself as aroace and then being receptive to learning more things about your orientation as you move through life. 

Yes, maybe it will help you to use less definite language. Like saying "I don't want to date right now"